Porn Movies and Zina
My Dear Friend,
I wanted to ask you something today. I am very depressed because I do zina many times; meaning I do Masturbation many times. I don't know why, but whenever I am free and web browsing, suddenly I open those sides and movies -which I don't want to open, but it happens. After I do Masturbation I make a tauba to Allah pak, but it happens again and again; I break my tauba again and again. I make a promise to Allah pak, but I cannot continue a long time.
I planned many times that this was the last time I would do it, but I fail. I don't want to go to hell. Please help me and suggest to me what I can do for it. How can I control myself at that time while using the internet? I am writing this message because in these days, I feel that my forgiveness is not possible because I am facing these types of problems again and again. Due to this activity, I lose so many nazain. Please suggest any dua, or any way to stop these types of activities, and please pray for me that Allah pak forgives all my sins. I am very thankful to you.
-mustafa12345
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Experiments on the monkey Julio, showed why we crave porn
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Wolfram Schultz, a professor of neuroscience at the University of Cambridge in 1990's,was part of a group of scientists studying the brains of monkeys as they learned to perform certain tasks, such as pulling on levers or opening clasps.
One day, Schultz positioned Julio, a monkey on a chair in a dimly lit room and turned on a computer monitor. Julio’s job was to touch a lever whenever colored shapes— small yellow spirals, red squiggles, blue lines— appeared on the screen. If Julio touched the lever when a shape appeared, a drop of blackberry juice would run down a tube hanging from the ceiling and onto the monkey’s lips.Julio liked blackberry juice. At first, Julio was only mildly interested in what was happening on the screen. He spent most of his time trying to squirm out of the chair. But once the first dose of juice arrived, Julio became very focused on the monitor. As the monkey came to understand, through dozens of repetitions, that the shapes on the screen were a cue for a routine (touch the lever) that resulted in a reward (blackberry juice), he started staring at the screen with a laserlike intensity. He didn’t squirm. When a yellow squiggle appeared, he went for the lever. When a blue line fl ashed, he pounced. And when the juice arrived, Julio would lick his lips contentedly. As Schultz monitored the activity within Julio’s brain, he saw a pattern emerge. Whenever Julio received his reward, his brain activity would spike in a manner that suggested he was experiencing happiness. A transcript of that neurological activity shows what it looks like when a monkey’s brain says, in essence, “I got a reward!” Schultz took Julio through the same experiment again and again, recording the neurological response each time. Whenever Julio received his juice, the “I got a reward!” pattern appeared on the com-puter attached to the probe in the monkey’s head. Gradually, from a neurological perspective, Julio’s behavior became a habit.What was most interesting to Schultz, however, was how things changed as the experiment proceeded. As the monkey became more and more practiced at the behavior— as the habit became stronger and stronger— Julio’s brain began anticipating the blackberry juice.
Schultz’s probes started recording the “I got a reward!” pattern the instant Julio saw the shapes on the screen, before the juice arrived:In other words, the shapes on the monitor had become a cue not just for pulling a lever, but also for a pleasure response inside the monkey’s brain. Julio started expecting his reward as soon as he saw the yellow spirals and red squiggles. Then Schultz adjusted the experiment. Previously, Julio had received juice as soon as he touched the lever. Now, sometimes, the juice didn’t arrive at all, even if Julio performed correctly. Or it would arrive after a slight delay. Or it would be watered down until it was only half as sweet. When the juice didn’t arrive or was late or diluted, Julio would get angry and make unhappy noises, or become mopey. And within Julio’s brain, Schultz watched a new pattern emerge: craving. When Julio anticipated juice but didn’t receive it, a neurological pattern associated with desire and frustration erupted inside his skull. When Julio saw the cue, he started anticipating a juice- fueled joy. But if the juice didn’t arrive, that joy became a craving that, if unsatisfi ed, drove Julio to anger or depression.
Researchers in other labs have found similar patterns. Other monkeys were trained to anticipate juice whenever they saw a shape on a screen. Then, researchers tried to distract them. They opened the lab’s door, so the monkeys could go outside and play with their friends. They put food in a corner, so the monkeys could eat if they abandoned the experiment. For those monkeys who hadn’t developed a strong habit, the distractions worked. They slid out of their chairs, left the room, and never looked back. They hadn’t learned to crave the juice. However, once a monkey had developed a habit— once its brain anticipated the reward— the distractions held no allure. The animal would sit there, watching the monitor and pressing the lever, over and over again, regardless of the offer of food or the opportunity to go outside. The anticipation and sense of craving was so overwhelming that the monkeys stayed glued to their screens, the same way a gambler will play slots long after he’s lost his winnings.
The Julio monkey experiments has strong parallels with how we humans get addicted to porn and crave for it, we sit in front of a monitor, clicking over naked pictures or sex videos over and over again and masturbate to it,regardless of the opportunities in the real world outside, which for us Muslim men is marriage or our wives.
(the above post is part of a chapter from the book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business - by Charles Duhigg )
Read very very carefully,
You'r already trapped. You are between two thoughts. One is good and one is bad. The good part is that you knew it is a sin. The bad part is that you have already developed a psyche of repeating it again and again. No issues it is very simple to quit it. I'll give you plenty of options to select, read the following options,
1. Marry if you can, if you are already married even then no issues,just see the other options below.
2. Masturbation, is a mechanism. Once you activate it. It becomes like a triggering mechanism. It repeats itself in a timely manner. And when it starts to explode itself, it provokes thoughts deep in your mind through defensive mechanism (in your case it is like "at this time you are already impure so you can do it"), and through whispers of the devil (cursed). See, this is how it works. The remedy is possible. The time you feel that you have high sexual urge don't see porn. Just simply read a book, or play a video game, or chat with a Muslim friend at that time, or interact with religious books. Don't make girl friends at that moment because you are already fighting yourself. It will kill you. And your faith for sure. Allaah Forbade. Amen! This has a high probability that it will work out to help you quitting this habit a lot. More options are as follows, read below.
3. Reciting and reading the Qur'an with full understanding is really important. Once you engage yourself in it insha'Allaah the door of your heart will open and the light of faith will enter into your heart. Amen! Once that happen you will feel complete and eventually you will quit this habit automatically. You will start hating it. [This option will take time to develop]
4. If you are feeling extreme loneliness and anxiety. Then it has a plus point as well as a negative point. Plus point is that it will teach you to be strong and make you to remember Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) a lot. The negative point is the obvious one. The one is masturbation. The other points are feeling low in energy and self esteem because you lack interaction with the people. (Psychological point of view)
Whatever, is the case. Increase your plus points for yourself.
5. This is the most important point you need to consider. Remember, YOU CAME IN THIS WORLD ALONE. AND YOU WILL GO FROM THIS WORLD ALONE. IN BETWEEN THE LIFE AND DEATH YOU HAVE MOMENTS. IT CONTAINS THE PIECES OF YOUR BREATH. IT CONTAINS THE FOOD YOU EAT. AND SO MANY THINGS THAT I AM UNABLE TO MENTION HERE. AND EVERY SINGLE ACTION YOU DO. PEOPLE WILL REMAIN PEOPLE. YOU WILL REMAIN YOU. YOURSELF IS YOURSELF. SO, EVERY ACTION YOU DO WILL SUFFICE FOR YOU ON THE JUDGEMENT DAY INSHA'ALLAAH AND YOU WILL GO TO JANNAAH BY THE WILL OF ALLAAH. AMEN
6. So, cheer up. And whenever you feel the need of sexual desire to fulfill. Don't do things which will ignite your desire more. Like watching porn. (I will not quote the Qur'an here). Simply, look yourself into the mirror for 10 minutes and do this in the day time, whenever you feel the sexual urge and read point no.5 and think about it. Don't do it in the night time because our last Prophet and the last Messenger Muhammad (sal lal laho elahe wasallam) prohibited to looking at the mirror in night. I will again not quote the supporting hadith here.
7. Once you do point no. 6. Insha'Allaah you will be able to differentiate between "YOURSELF" and the "PEOPLE" around you. Once you "FEEL" the difference between "YOURSELF" and "PEOPLE", you will realize that the only thing matters the most is "YOU". Insha'Allaah! Amen
8. If any of the points above don't work for you ina lil lahe waina elahe rajeoun then do this,
"masturbation connects you with yourself? Correct!". (Psychologically speaking)
"In itself masturbation is a bad habit?" Correct!
"Why to masturbate?" To release the depressive thought patterns of your mind (psychologically speaking) Correct!
"Is masturbation permitted in Islam?" Big room to debate. Corrrect! Don't go too deep searching for topics of masturbation.
Then what to do?
Release your depression of mind through exercise. Through busying your self with good habits. That's it.
Once you do that your problem is solved. Insha'Allaah! Amen!
Buy a game that you can play on the TV. Or XBox. Things like that. Include your mom in it, if you don't have friends or a husband. Make your mom your best friend. Focus on your study more. And this is how things will work out insha'Allaah. That is the only remedy. And please don't leave praying 5 times a day. Otherwise, you will be destroyed mentally. And become a partner with the devil unknowingly.
Do as above what I said and things will work out for you insha'Allaah. And I hope you do fasting in Ramadan as well.
LET THE LIGHT OF FAITH RISE IN YOUR HEART. DO FASTING IN RAMADAN CAUSE IT IS MANDATORY.
A secret: "THE BIGGEST BLESSING IN YOUR LIFE AFTER FAITH AND BELIEF IS THE REMEMBRANCE OF ALLAAH (SUBHANAHU WA TA'ALA)".(NEVER FORGET THIS) And to remember Allaah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) you need to be clean at all time. So,these are pretty simple rules to follow. Get yourself addicted to following these rules, as said above. Simple resolution.
Allaah Knows the Best.
Buy a game that you can play on the TV. Or XBox. Things like that. Include your mom in it, if you don't have friends or a wife*. (correction)
Allaah Knows the Best!
AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother,
You have received good advice from Brother J and Brother Masood (the 8 tips are very useful), MashaAllah.
Shiekh Jamal al-Din Zarabozo (in his book "purification of the soul") mentioned that, "Desires, lusts and passions: these are the urges that occurs in the soul and drive a person to commit an act that he knows is displeasing to Allah. Unless one works to control and overcome these desires, they can be disastrous for his effort of purification. Indeed, they can even completely overcome the person and become the "god" which he starts to worship."
One of the main reasons why we could get addicted to a bad habit or fall into a haram act, is that rather than controlling our desire, we like to follow it too much, and due to that we forget Allahu subhanahu wata'ala, and so He turns His back on us, and makes the way of going astray easy for us. This is where Shaitaan comes in (with the permission of Allah) and beautifies things that we desire for us. When this happens and we get addicted to them, there wouldn't be anything we can really do to be guided, except through Allahu subhanahu wata'ala, as He subhanahu wata'ala says:
"Have you considered him who has taken his desire for his god? And (due to that) Allah knowingly led him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and has placed a veil over his vision. Who will guide him after Allah? Will you not reflect?" (Quran 45: 23)
So the basic way (for controlling our desire) is for us to become conscious of Allahu subhanahu wata'ala, spiritually and physically. That is the only way that can save us from getting lost in Dunya desires. However, we cannot be conscious of Allah without knowing our own nafs/self and what its purposes in this Dunya are. The only way we can know our nafs is to strictly adhere ourselves to the teachings of the Holy Quran and Sunnah. Make these two lights (The Holy Quran and Sunnah) be your lamp and never neglect them even for a moment in your daily life activities (like reading them, learning them and practicing them, in addition to following the daily du'as and adhkaar in them).
By walking with the lamp above, InshaAllah you should be able to become aware of your nafs gradually, which would lead you to become conscious of Allahu subhanahu wata'ala. When you become conscious of Him, you will love Him, and the result of loving Allah subhanahu wata'ala is that you don't just love Him, but you also love whatever He loves and hate whatever He hates. This is how you can be able to go against all your Dunya desires which have no benefit for you in your Deen and Akhirah.
Hope this helps inshaAllah, and Allah knows best.
My Dear Friend,
There is not be much difference between porn addiction and drug and alcohol addiction, that's what a recent Cambridge University study found out http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/pornography-addiction-leads-to-same-brain-activity-as-alcoholism-or-drug-abuse-study-shows-8832708.html
Usually porn and masturbation are problems in pairs & linked to each other and detrimental to mental and physical health
An alcohol addict trying to quit the habit cannot sit at home with a bottle of his favourite brand on the table or spend his free time in a bar reading books and magazines.
If you are dead serious about quitting the habit then you have to stop using the device which you use to access porn either the computer or the smart phone, just lock them up in your cupboard for atleast 6 weeks ( use a black & white phone instead and tell the family you are trying to beat the internet or facebook addiction, they'll be happy :)) and if you need the computer for study or work, then keep it in the room where you are not alone while accessing internet & the system, but smart phones should be locked up.
Join a forum like MuslimNofap ( http://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNoFap ) to keep yourself motivated to quit masturbation habit..
Once you get over the 6 week period ,you'll feel more in control and then you can start using the computer or smart phone with porn blockers like K9 or Open DNS service but don't underestimate this thing.
Asak ,
I will suggest you make lot of good friends and get involved with them ...Keep your system in common place ..
Keep your mind busy with other activities so that you don't get a time to watch this stuff .
AH
stop hearing music and start listening surahs of Quran.
lower your gaze.
do Nafl salah.
follow this and your addiction will weaken in a week In sha Allah