Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Questions I can ask my potential spouse

marriage nikah halaal halal relationship

Asalamo Alaikum brothers and sisters,

Let me introduce myself, I am a male, 20 years old and was born and reside in The Netherlands.

I have recently met a girl, the halal way ofcourse 😉 and I was wondering whether it is permissible to ask her questions like: 'Have you ever done inappropriate things (committed zina) before marriage?

I already know the answer, it is not permissible to ask a potential partner these kind of things, as it is between Allah swt, and herself, but I think there has to be a way to make sure I know I am not marrying a woman who has committed terrible sins?

Your help would be greatly appreciated!!!


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9 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    May Allah swt help you to find a pious spouse, Ameen.

    I think it is best to let your potential spouse know what you are or are not looking for in a spouse. Be clear and explicit especially in terms of what would be a deal breaker for you.

    Although we may inquire about a person, they have a right to not disclose particular details about their past (and they shouldn't--rarely does this help anyone). If you are clear about your expectations, it gives the other person an opportunity to think about whether the marriage will work or not.

    I hope this helped and I hope that inn shaa Allah you find the perfect match!

  2. Piousmuslim94: but I think there has to be a way to make sure I know I am not marrying a woman who has committed terrible sins?

    Have you commited any sins with girls?

  3. Assalamu alaikum brother,

    First of all well done for finding a potential spouse the appropriate halal way.

    Secondly, you already know the answer, so please accept and understand that there is great hikmah behind why the answer it as it is.

    Thirdly, you are not to be the judge of past sins which as you say are terrible, that is with the guy/girl and Allah. Remember, some of the worst people, have become the greatest muslims, so do not think that someone with a reckless past does not have the capability of achieving great change.

  4. If you are worried about sins, then your own are most important. Allah swt forgives our sins and make it as if we never commited them. What matters is how she is now, her past does not controll her future. But it is normal for a guy to want to marry a virgin and if you prefer to the no blame is on you. Try asking about her religous personality is she known to mix with men and flirt then that is a red flag. But do you really want to know something that would cause you pain if you knew it? Or would you like to know about her what would bring you happiness.

  5. Tell her who you are, what type of person you are, what expectations you have of a wife, and if her answers are not what you wanted, then come to a judgement on whether the marriage will work, and she should get answers to these questions from you as well. Ask about her Islam if this is important to you, as it seems to be. The Prophet said that, while it is impermissible to backbite, if you are asking other people about the character of a potential spouse, then these people have the right to not lie. A marriage based upon lies will almost always fail if the truth comes out. I also found Sister Saba's advice to be quite good.

    I find these articles which may not answer your question, but give some ideas as to the questions you can ask a potential spouse:
    On the 2nd link there are a few more articles at the bottom which might interest you. I found these via Google.

    Hope I've been of some use,

  6. Yes if it is important for you ask

    Yes brother you can ask a general question of what is her relation to men before.. and let her choose how to answer it. The meaning is clear but the question is polite, so you can know from the way she answer it. Also if she is a good muslimah, praying and striving to be do good... you should forgive her for sins done in the past and repented from

    Allah knows best

  7. Assalamualaikum...

    • Wa alaykum as-salam. The link to register and submit your question is on the right side of the home page beneath the Recent Stories. When you write your post, please use normal spelling. I'm not saying your post has to be grammatically perfect. But "dis", "dat", "wid" and "tym" are not words, and I'm sure you know that. That kind of broken spelling only makes your post harder to read.

      Wael Editor

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