Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I ask her about her past in detail?

past, present, future

As-salamu alaykum, I come straight to the point.

The problem is I want to get know about her everything and it then does include this also.

Will it be good for me to get know about her past A-Z?
Or should I leave it and concentrate on marrying her without knowing what, where, when and how she did it?



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7 Responses »

  1. Walaikum assalam,
    I think you should not ask anything to her nor she should, if she or you wants to share your past by yourself then that is different.

  2. Dear brother,

    Some questions are better left unanswered, maybe she doesn’t have anything to hide or maybe many things to hide but the fact is that now when you have decided to marry her ( I think so looking at your post ) than leave it to ALLAH subhanahu wa ta'ala.
    Her past doesn’t have anything to do with your present and future, if you feel that she’s the one than marry her or pray istikhara, by asking such questions you will make her uncomfortable, marry someone for ALLAH’s sake and everything will be fine.

  3. Salam,

    I recommend asking now before marriage. People that have never fallen in love feel it more for the first time and then they want to be with that person all the time. Two such people that fall in love with each other can form a strong bond with each other and raise a good family with loving parents. When one of the two has a past but the other does not then the one that does has a greater chance of feeling annoyed by the one that doesn't. This is because the one without the past keeps wanting to spend time and the one with the past isn't as invested. So for optimum marriages it's better if two people that don't have pasts fall in love, or two people that do have pasts fall in love. Other than that, marrying a pious widow would be better than marrying a virgin that doesn't care about the afterlife.

    The second reason to ask is to be upfront. People don't ask and then somehow find out later and then when the marriage falls apart it's much worse than if you had just met the person and asked. So overall I recommend asking. Not detailed questions as to where, what they were wearing, or anything explicit but one should know.

  4. Assalamo walikum brother
    The more you get to know her past the harder for your relationship will be. Don't force her to open her past. If she do tell you about her past then just listen to her and tell her that "past is past". Don't get curious and continue with "when" "where" "how" "with whom". Non of these important. If you like her through her personality that's should be the only thing in your mind. Do you feel happy when she is arround you? Focus on her present behaviours and see how she is.

    Good luck!
    Do zikir daily!

  5. If you have some concerns or special requirements pertaining to your future with your bride then ask her. Medical history, any condition you should know about, any demands, expectations which may effect your future. I think these things should be disclosed.

    As for her past, I dont see how that concerns you. It seems like (I could be wrong) that you are fishing for something specific. If you want to know about any boyfriends, relationships or sexual experience prior to marriage then that's inappropriate. Its called past for a reason. Also there is no way for you to know from A to Z about your wife or anybody in this world. Getting to know somebody is learning process. Enjoy it.

  6. Her past should not affect, unless her past is affecting her or your present. If you want to tell her your past, go ahead. But do not ask or force her, if she wants to she will

  7. If it is very important for you just ask general questions about her relationships with men" " and let her answer them they way she see fit

    The most important thing is how do you see her character and her morals. Is she strong Muslim or not so strong one..

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