It has been 20 years, should i say anything?
I am in a very tough spot in my life. When I was young I was sexually abused. The person that abused me was my Islamic teacher. I live in America and the time I was growing up it was hard to find a Muslim school, so my parents trusted him without any doubt.
The abuse lasted for a couple of years until we moved. I managed to ignore what has happened to me. I moved on with my life. I finished school, got a successful job, got married to a wonderful man, and had children. We ended up moving back to where I grew up.
Throughout those years I tried my best to keep my Iman strong, I can not lie and say I was fully successful at that. I shied away from Allah SWT, I had fear and anger toward him IstaigfaraAllah. But I could not understand why Allah would allow such horrible things to happen to a young innocent child. But I have been working on this and I believe my eyes are slowly being opened.
Over a year and a half ago I began having flashbacks of what happened to me. They escalated into severe nightmares, they were so intense that when I woke I could still feel his hands on me. I fell into deep depression, I became very anger. A few months after I ran into my abuser. His face devastated me. I didn't say a word to him, I grabbed my kids and walked away.
This has impacted my life drastically, It effected the way I act with my kids, my job, and especially my relationship with my husband. I couldn't sleep with my husband for a while, every time he touched me I would start to cry. I did not tell him why. He assumed it was a hormonal thing and I did not comment.
I tried seeing a counselor but I was unable to open up and say anything. This is the first time I tell my story to others. I have been reading books about sexual abuse and I have been journaling, which has helped me. I am able to function during the days with minimal flashbacks but my nights are still hard. Since I am having a hard time speaking about this, I have been writing letters to Allah. I am trying to gain a strong connection with him. I pray at night when I get a nightmare and I read Quran to put myself to sleep.
Now the reason I am here today is, I recently found out my abuser started working in a place where he has access to vulnerable young children. When I found out I got so sick, I was unable to keep any food in my stomach for days.
I need Islamic advice on what to do. Should I report my story to the authorities? Should I contact the place he works? I can't bare the thought that be can hurt someone else. I know for a fact their were other girls then me. Should I contact them?
I need to point out, If I open my mouth, I will have to tell my husband, my family will find out, and my kids can find out in the future. I do not know how they will react to this.
This will also cause major conflict in my community, he is well known and very active in the mosque.
Please advise me what do, I know we are supposed to hide each others sins but we are also supposed to do something if someone is doing haram. I don't know if he is still into that habit, It has been 20 years.
Please do not comment if you don't understand my situation. This is a very emotional time for me. I am dealing with a lot of regret, shame, and self blame. So please be courteous with your comments.
Jazakum Allah Khare.
- Temporarily Lost
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Salaam sis.
Not that i have the answers to you questions, but i believe do believe this vid might help some whats as it address your situation and what you have been through from 21mins onwards, however i urge you to watch all off it, wAllahi you will part with wisdom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMVDzlEuixc
BarakAllah fee
Ahmed
Sister my heartfelt sympathy is with you, before this happens to another innocent child you should report it to the police as soon as possible, as we speak there could be a child who is suffering in the hands of your abuser, the last effect it has had on you many more children must be suffering the same. A child abuser doesn't stop at one, he will continue until he is stopped, it gives the abuser an adrenalin rush feeding his sexual needs. It is one of the worse forms of abuse one can suffer especially as an innocent child, adults have a responsibility to look after and protect children not abuse them and ruin there lives, it's even more disgusting that your abuser was appointed to teach you an understanding of Islam not make you inferior to Allah. My dear sister Allah never chose this for you, it was unfortunate that a pedophile came in to your life and ruined your ability to live in peace. Remember Allah is with you and inshallah you will be rewarded for your patients but please don't lose your faith and certainly don't question Allah why this happened. We are all Human we make mistakes in life some more then others however this does not mean we can blame our creator. Until you don't get justice for what you suffered you won't get peace, your in a much stronger position today as your wiser, the fact your abuser is working with children you shouldn't really waste time...
Islam teaches us good qualities it teaches us to stand by the truth. Following the Quran and the way our prophet PBUH thought us, may Allah answer your prays and guides you,
Speaking from experience until you don't get justice you won't be able to let go and move on.
Further to your question, yes you should report a person like that, as he might have harmed others in the same manner, and as you can vouch they are scares that never leave you or heal. so please by Allah do all us a favor and reports this pervert. just imagine that happening to another child right now by the same so called imaam''s hands.
There are people you can go to in confidence that can investigate the matter. Speak to those you trust first.
w/salam
Ahmen
@mariam
Salaam sis.
My sentiments exactly, people like this need to be locked up or even worse, hiding behind the deen of Allah and committing such heinous evil. What would Muhammed saw do to a man like this, i have a pretty good idea.
w/salam
Ahmed
ASSALALAIKUM-
Temporarily Lost-AND ALO TEMPORARY PAHSE CAMER AND WENT AWAY LIKE YOU SEE A DREAM OPNE YOUR EYES U R IN REAL WORLD AND READNG YOUR SUCCESS STORY-COMING OUT OF THAT BAD DAYS OF A SOME ONES OPRESSION [YOU DIDNT DO IT FOR YOU TO FEEL GUILTY]
AND THEN THE STEP BY STEP COMPLETING STUDIES THEN WORKING GETTING MARRIED AND HAD CHILDREN ALL WERE THE THINGS ALLAH LIKES A PERSON TO DO BY LEAVING BEHIND SOME MISCHIEF-
[THIS CAN HAPPEN WITH ANY ONE RECENTLY A POST WHERE THE GIRL TOLD HER FATHER HAFIZ DID WITH HIS OWN DAUGHTER AND SHE IS LIVING WITH HER AND FACING DAILY PROBLEMS AND OVER AND ABOVE WHEN SHE TOLD HER MOTHER SHE REFUSED TO BELIEVE AND STARTED TAKING SPITES BY SHOWING ANGER ON HER FOR DEFAMING HER HUSBAND]
YOU MARCHED AHEAD IN LIFE WITH TRUST IN ALLAH WHICH YOU DID WITH BEST OF YOUR ABILITY KUDOS FOR YOUR SINCIERITY-AND DEDICATION-
YOU LEFT BEHIND THE WE MUST CONGRAJULATE YOU FOR AND THIS [NOT YOUR FAULT]SMALL PART OF A BAD PHASE IS STILL REMEMBERED BY SATAN HE SEARCHES WAYS AND MEANS TO BREAK GOOD MUSLIMA LIKE YOU AND THE TOOL IS YR PAST-AND HE USES THE AGENCY OF THE JINNS TO SEE THAT WE GET BACK THE HARMFUL FLASHBACKS AND INDULGE IS SUCH AN ACT LIKE REVEALING THE HUSBAND SO THE HE WILL REACT TELLING CHILDREN THEY WILL REACT[MANY THINGS COME IN THE MIND OF YOUNGSTERS WHY YOU DIDNT RESIST AN MAKE HUE AND CRY TO SAVE YOURSELF ETC ETC]THEN YOUR WORK YOUR RELATIVES YOUR SOCIAL LIFE -
ALL IN ONE MSICHEIF -READ-
THERE ARE 2 TYPES OF JINNS ONE PURE[PAK]ONE IM[PURE[NA-PAK]
THE PURE ONES ARE ALWAYS IN MOSQUES AND THE IMPURE IN TEMPLES-CHURCHES-SHRINES TO MKE PEOPLE BELIVE THAT THE MIRACLE IS HAPPENING DUE TO SPECIAL POWERS TO IDOLS AND SAINTS-
LIKE WISE THEY ATTACK PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME TO SHOW NIGHTMARES AND MAKE US A VICTIM OF A NEW PROBLEM WHICH WILL RUIN OUR LIVES -
BUT HERE BUT WE HAVE ALLAH WITH US AND THE QURAN AND THE ASTAGHFAR WHICH WILL WASH OUT ALL THE REMINDERS FROM YOUR MIND AND YOU WILL BE 100000%TRIUMPHANT INSHALLAH-
JUST START READING AND FOLLOWING THESE ADVICES FROM AUTHENTIC SOURCES-
THE JINNS-They rush to fulfil their desires, thus making this act fair-seeming and correct in the eyes of the Muslim-
PLEASE READ CAREFULLY THE NEXT LINES HOW HE BEGUILES THE GOOD IMAN MUSLIMS-Man is always accompanied by a Jinn, who tries to incite him to evil, but the Prophet (saws) was protected from this harm.
On the authority of Ibn Mus’ud the Messenger of Allah (saws) said:
"There is not any one of you except that he has been assigned his companion from among the Jinn and his companion from among the Angels." They the Companions said, "Even you, O Messenger of Allah," He replied "Even me, except that Allah has helped me against the Jinn, so that I am unharmed, and so he orders me to do nothing but good."Muslim-
DUA IN DISTRESS
None has the right to be worshipped except Allaah Forbearing.
None has the right to be worshipped except Allaah, Lord of the magnificent throne. None has the right to be worshipped except Allaah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the Earth and Lord of the noble throne.’
‘O Allaah, it is Your mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshipped except You.’
None has the right to be worshipped except You. How perfect Your are, verily I was among the wrong-doers.’
‘Allaah, Allaah is my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him.’
O Allaah, I am Your servant, son of Your servant, son of Your maidservant, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You name Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety.’
‘O Allaah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being over powered by men.’
O Allaah, there is no ease except in that which You have made easy, and You make difficulty, if You wish, easy.’
‘Allaah has decreed and what He wills, He does’.
Allaah is sufficient for me, and how fine a trustee (He is).’
Dua Astaghfar (Forgiveness) /دعاء أستغفر
Astaghfar means seeking forgiveness of Allah for the sins so far committed and turning repentant unto Allah.
Allah has created us weak and we are likely to make mistakes and transgress. At the same time Allah has allowed us to seek forgiveness. Forgiveness is very important in Islam. By constantly turning to Allah for forgiveness of our sins, we learn humility. Our Creator time and time again tells His creation to repent so that they may be forgiven.
And seek forgiveness of Allah. Indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.Surat An-Nisa 4:106
Narrated Abdullah bin Amr: Abu Bakr As-Siddiq said to the Prophet “O Allah’s Apostle! Teach me an invocation with which I may invoke Allah in my prayers.” The Prophet said,
“Say: O Allah! I have wronged my soul very much (oppressed myself), and none forgives the sins but You; so please bestow Your forgiveness upon me. No doubt, You are the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 93 Hadith 485-
Thauban reported: When the Messenger of Allah salallahu alaihi wasallam finished his prayer, he begged forgiveness three times and said: O Allah! Thou art Peace, and peace comes from Thee; Blessed art Thou, O Possessor of Glory and Honour. Walid reported: I said to Auza’i: How is the seeking of forgiveness? He replied: You should say:, I beg forgiveness from Allah, I beg forgiveness from Allah.”Sahih Muslim – Book 4 Hadith 1226 HOPE TO SEE YOU COMING OUT OF THIS IN THIS MINUTE-BECSUE YOU ARE NOT AN ORDINARY WOMAN THAT SATAN ALSO KNOWS AND YOU JUST START READING ASTAGFAR FROM THE MINUTE U WAKE UP TILL U SLEEP AND SEE THE MIRACLE WITHIN 3 DAYS INSHALLAH YOU WILL BE LIKE A ROCK-
REGARDS
ALI YOUSUFF
Before reading brother Ali Yousuffs advice "seen as its so long lol" please report the dirty old man. Protect our children from the same suffering. Islam doesn't promote child abuse.
ASSALAMALAIKUM
MUSLIMA-
MY COMMENT IS LONG BECAUSE I COVERED 1/3D IN HER SUCCESS STORY
1/3 RD IN THE HADEES REFERNEC AND 1/3 RD IN VERSES WHEN WE ARE IN DISTRESS AND LENGTH DOES NOT MATTER AS THIS HER LIFES HAPPINESS AND RELIEF FROM THE PROBLEM-
HOPE NOW IT IS CLEAR-
AND MY ADVICE FOR NOT AFTER THT SUBJECT IS THAT SHE HAS TO RELIEVE HERSELF IMMIDITIELY FROM THE HIGH TENSION-SO THAT THE FAMILY DOES NOR GET EFFECTED AND THAT WILL BE A VERY BIG TENSION AND IT WILL ADD UP TO MORE GRIEF FOR HER TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION HER STATE OF MIND AS OF NOW -LATER WE CAN ADVCIE OTHER THINGS BUT IMMIDIATE PRIORITY IS THAT SHE KEEPS HER COOL AND THINK ON REPLIES-FOR LATER COURSE OF ACTION-
REGARDS
Assalamualaikum sister,
I know how it feels and that you need help. Sister, concealing sins is necessary when they are limited to the sinner. If they are going to spread and harm the fellow Muslims, such sins need to be revealed at once. Especially because he is in such a high position that people will blindly entrust their young daughters to him.
Sister, you must work carefully in revealing him, because the impact can be very huge, which could even reach your relationship with your husband.
First of all, find out if this man has changed and has done tawbah and fears Allah now. If he has, then perhaps it os better to give him a chance. And Allah Knows Best. You can find that out with the help of a sting operation or something of that sort, something to catch him red-handed. But please, ensure safety of our sisters and daughters.
If he has not, then you must report him, but carefully.
You have an option to anonymously write to the school authorities informing them and warning them about him and his evil intentions.
Another option is that you approach them face to face, but this is not a good idea according to me.
Other way is that you go to your husband when he is on bed and tell him calmly, the reason you were depressed. Tell him you were young when a man abused you and you were helpless. And the flashbacks made you cry as you were in the same place where this happened. While doing this, please make sure your husband does not get the wrong impression of you and he "feels sorry for you and angry with the man who did this". If he asks who the man is, then tell him that it is quite unbelievable due to his position, but it is the truth that it is him.
Sister, you must be strong. Allah Created us all and gave us the option to do good or bad. Some do good and some do bad. Some oppress others and some bear the oppression. Patience is what rewards, hopelessness leads to misguidance, trust in Allah leads to His Forgiveness.
What has happened with you is past. Now, you have a wonderful husband and beautiful kids to look after. Trust me, these people can make you forget this incident and also stand up to fight it (I mean him). You just need to get your husband in confidence, kids will automatically support you, in sha Allah. If you have your husband's support, you will have a huge support in revealing this evil man.
In conclusion, please read this hadith:
On the authority of Abu Saeed al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah say, “Whoever of you sees an evil must then change it with his hand. If he is not able to do so, then [he must change it ] with his tongue. And if he is not able to do so, then [he must change it] with his heart. And that is the slightest [effect of] faith.” (Recorded in Muslim)
And this Aayah:
You are the best nation produced [as an example] for mankind. You enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and believe in Allah . (3:110)
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
How is she supposed to judge whether or not this man has done tawbah? Tawbah is not visible in this case, unless she becomes invisible and follows him everywhere he ges and sees that when he's with children all alone, with no one else, he doesn't touch them - which is obviously physically impossible.
Also, when a person has been molested sexually, how can you tell that person to keep and eye on him and make sure he's changed? Didn't you write that she could barely stand to meet him for a few seconds - it's just not realistic that she can work out if he's sorry about what he's done. There's no reason to believe he's not still a disgusting pedophile. For that reason he has no business being around children.
Sister, I think you should consider coming clean with what happened to you to your husband. Besides, hopefully, offering you some support and security, maybe he'll be able to come with some better suggestions as to what you can do since he knows your family and your community. If it was me, I'd probably start off with writing an anonymous letter, as brother Abu Abdul. Write everything down that has infested your heart, mind and soul for so many years...
It's a really bad thing to know about a person who molests children and not say anything when you see him work with children. If they're moelsted as well, how will you answer to Allah when he asks you why you didn't do anything to stop him when you were given a chance to? Because I truly believe that this is what your encounter with him is...it could be your children's friends who get molested by this man...
I can't ask her to fly without telling her how to, can I? lol... Sister, I suggested one or two ways she can find that out. Of course, they may not be the best ways. She does not have to be invisible, except if that is possible, lol...
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamualaikam sister
I am so sorry to hear what you have endured. What happened to you was wrong and in no way your fault - responsibility lies with the man who took advantage of his position of trust to abuse innocents.
If this man has access to children, it is very important that you alert the authorities so he cannot repeat his sins. He may have repented, or he may not have - that is between him and Allah. As we cannot know what is in his heart, all we have to go on are his actions - which from what you have written suggest that innocents are at risk from him. We're taught that we should protect vulnerable people, care for the needy, and ensure our children have a safe childhood. So, there is a responsibility to act when we are aware of abuse.
Depending on where you live, it may be possible to report him anonymously, and even if it is necessary for the authorities to keep a record of your name, they are obliged to keep it confidential.
Personally, I feel that it might help to discuss what you are going through with your husband, if you have a strong relationship; he would then be able to support you and help you heal.
May Allah help you heal and find peace.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
I Think you should at least till somebody about this who knows, he probably doing the same thing to someone else who can't talk for herself.I think you should look into this and insallah Allah help you get threw this soon.
Salam Alakum
I truly appreciate everyone's replies. I know i should report this. i know its the right thing to do. i know there may or may not be someone being hurt now.
Like i posted, it will be close to 20 years. I believe he is 65 now. I know for a long time he was not working around children. So i never thought of reveling his evil. I kept it locked up, reassured that no one else was being hurt. But since i found out part of his new job is working around young sick children, although i know it will be hard for him to be alone with them, but i feel i need to reveal all his evil. I want soo bad to yell to the whole world THIS MAN HURT ME! STOP HIM FROM HURTING ANYONE ELSE!!
But... I am so fixated on the idea that my life will be destroyed if i tell anyone. It will change the why everyone looks at me, the way i look at myself, It will make it real. I know i sound so selfish right now..
The first thing you need to do is tell your husband. And no, it's not going to destroy your life. You already have nightmares, and it has already damaged your relationship with your husband. Part of that is from the trauma of the abuse, but the other part is from the secrecy.
Child molesters don't stop, by the way. There is no cure for this kind of sickness. Just because you don't know about what he has done to others, or because he has not been around children, doesn't mean that he has not done it. Such men don't stop and need to be locked up.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wa'alaykumsalam,
I'm sorry to hear of what you've been through. May Allah have mercy on you and reward you. I believe you should report him by not revealing your identity. Maybe send letters or emails to the concerned officials or by informing the parents of other children to file a case or etc without revealing your indentity. You'll be safe, don't worry insha'Allah. And in my opinion, never ever tell your husband about this unfortunate incident because only Allah knows what his reaction and decision might be and you really don't want the past to destroy the present and future ok. Its more than important for you to report that man because the lives of other innocent children are at risk, Allah said ".. if anyone saved a life, it would be as if he had saved the life of all mankind.. " (Quran 5:32) and also you will not be blamed by any means because in Islam, you are allowed to seek revenge and report him. And also in Islam, you need to stop evil by taking actions. May Allah help you. Ameen.
Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu Sister,
Your story has brought back similar painful memories which i experienced as a child. I was also sexually abused by one of my distant relative uncle when i was small. I had complained to my father also but nothing happened. But Elhumdulillaah soon we moved out to another country. As i am typing this reply my hands are kinda shivering from those ugly memories.
First of all as a Muslim we are not suppose to curse people but i really feel like cursing such people who are like a wolf in sheep's disguise. I really hope that such people get the worst of the punishment on the day of judgement. Such people are the ideal example of hypocrites.
Regarding that person i am sure he must be still abusing kids. Such people is not a Muslims but a fake, a hypocrite. Its best that he gets exposed soon so that kids would be safe from him.
Also i would just like to point out one thing May be he has changed or may be he has stopped committing those sins...just in case...
First you need to find that out. Later if you find that his still continuing to do it then its best to catch him red handed. Then he would never be able to deny his sin / Crime. I am sure there must be other people also living in that area whom he has earlier abused. If possible hire a detective. Directly reporting to police without any proof wont help.
Try to find people who were also abused by him and then then it wont be difficult for you.
I pray to Allah that this hypocrite and similar people like him are exposed and punished both in this world and hereafter.
And remember sister even if you are not successful in getting justice in this world, remember you will get justice on the Day of Judgement and by the best judge.
When you get such horrible memories or nightmares read ayatul kursi and make lots and lots of du'a, ask Allah's help. Indeed Allah is the best helper.
Salam.
PS. Also i would like to say that if he was a really good muslim from inside then he would have never committed such sins. Whatever good work he did is just for showoff and his a big fake And Allah knows best.
I would also like to say that since the kids are small they get scared even to tell their parents about such abuse So its the parents duty to make sure that your kids is not facing such or so many bad situation in his life.
And for this the parents should spend more time with their kids. Keep talking to them. They should not be super strict otherwise the child will be too scared to share whats going on in his life.
Salam.
Whatever little that i have known about pedophile behaviour and psychology, i have gathered that they dont change coz its a sickness and they themselves r in a denial mode. some of the convicts said they did it coz their victims also enjoyed it. this shows how dangerous they are coz they interpret their fear, shock,confusion filled silence as their approval. there r some who dont even accept it and they look so convincing while denying it that if u didnt witness them im in action u would doubt the whistle blower.
Hence proving this will b a bit difficult in ur case. firstly coz u will choose to remain anonymous, that will give him a chance to say that some1 is just trying to ruine his reputation." if this this person is saying the truth then let her come forward." Secondly even if u confronted him u will endup getting more frustrated coz he will deny it on ur face.
i have seen some pedophiles who r struggling daily with these tendecies. so they say we r honest about it since we cannot change the way we feel around children and fighting the urge becones more difficult. one of them said i told my neighbors that iam a pedophile so plz keep ur kids away from me amd they were shocked to hear that straight from my mouth but they appreciated my honesty. most of them prefered to stay in secluded places and kept a good deal of distance from parks and schools and places as such where kids are often found without adults. now iam talking about honest pedophiles who r struggling to deal with they sickness. this man is obviously not honest coz he continues to b around children. if he were a recovering psycho he would have taken special care to stay far away and not just do nothing. taubah means something when it is acconpanied with an effort to not to repeat the same sin. when u know about ur weakness u should take necessary measures in that direction.
i believe u have 2 option:
1. just send an anonymous mail to the institute or the people who have hired him in order to protect ur identity. invest a good deal of time to ensure that ur message sounds convincing enough to alarm those who it is addressed to.
2. if ur relations with ur husband r not strained in any way and he isnt someone who is in the habit of playing blame games with u, then take ur chances. try to talk to him first and tell him how much support and effection u need from him and what kind of trauma u r dealing with. hopefully he will see a damsel in distress in u and like a charming prince he will comfort u and accept it and support u in this mission. together u can expose this man and save the lives of those who r his potential victims.
The fruits of success that u shall taste from ur effort will not only save other lives but also help u get ur closure.
i wish u all the best. if more people think like u do then we wont have as many crimes against women and children as we have today. May Allah heal u soon. lots of love to u sis. take care.
Salam
Your comments and encouragements are bringing tears to my eyes. I have obviously been thinking about this a lot, i am semi convinced i need to reveal him. now how i should do that is another mountain i need to climb.
the items that concern me are:
1. My husband: He is such a lovely man I do love him so deeply and I would love for him to just hold me in his arms and tell me you are safe, I’ll protect you and the kids, I'll be by your side 100%. I want to cry on his shoulder and i want him to encourage me and support me. but from how much i love him I don’t want him to feel the pain I am feeling now. I don’t want him to see how hurt and damaged I am. I don’t want him to become a victim as well. We have been married for many years and Allah SWT tested us many hard tests and alhamduallah we have been able to overcome them but every test effected our relationship in some way good and bad. I dont know how he will react, I believe initially he will support me. but when i kicks in and he realizes what really happened it will change him. I have NEVER been with any other man but my husband. When he married me i played innocent, so for him to find out i am not, i really dont know how he will react. Will be blame me for not stopping it, because i blame myself deeply. It is VERY unclear how he will react to all of this. so should i risk my relationship, my future? because i can not see myself without him.
2. My family: My kids are still very young, they will not understand what is happening but my parents, siblings, and causes will. they will be shocked. they all look up to me and think i have the perfect life. I am the one they all come to when they need help. But my biggest concern is my parents, I do not want them to blame themselves and feel they were not able to protect me.
3. My community: Like i said he is a well known member of our community. His reputation is "gold". I am not a very active member but i do know that at one point he was exposed and they just swiped it under the rug. So will they swipe this under the rug? Its my word against his. Another issue, i can not have anyone bad mouth me or my family. I know women and men will point finger and will make stuff up. I know he will deny it to my face and i will have to fight back, but i am still very weak and i am not sure i can fight back.
Please correct me if i am wrong, I am just writing down my thoughts, again i know this sounds very selfish but i need to pinpoint what i am afraid about so i can decide how i should report this.
Salam
Salam sister,
You have only two option, either to keep quiet and forget the incidence which happened 20 years ago
OR
You can raise your voice against this hypocrite man so that no other child gets abused in future.
You have to choose either one and stick to it till the end.
You cannot stay in the middle. You can continuing thinking about your past and be worried and tensed...but it will never help you.
If you fear that you cannot win if you fight against this hypocrite then you better forget about the past.
Salam.
i dont think that keeping quiet should b an option here since its not just about getting justice for what hapnd to her, its about the lives of other kids. this sister was strong so she could manage to move on, but what if a weaker child or a child who is already in distress becomes his victim? how can we tell if that man after so many yrs will have the same pattern of molesting kids. what if his pedophilia has gotten worst with time? what if she has gotten smarter and nastier? its best she tells coz this is one chance this sister has of exposing him.she will never know if this man left this place and went somewhere else . she will not only live with the bitter memories but the burden of not trying enough to save countless kids out there.
so my advise is whether u tell ur husband or u dont its ur call coz u r the best judge here. my other option to u is write an anonymous mail and try to give it ur best shot.
At least on the day of judgement u will tell Allah s.a.w that u played ur role.
May u b rewarded immensely sister. this is Allah's test. save the mazloom children.
i meant 'HE' has gotten smarter and nastier.
jeez its high time i should b coronated as the queen of typos.
Salam
At this point keeping quite is NOT an option. I know i need to tell someone, someone needs to investigate and find out if he is still hurting young kids. I can not and will not personally investigate, i have a lot to loss and i will not be able to stay focused. I can barely handle the thought that you wonderful kind strangers are getting a glimpse of my pain.
I am so sorry you went through something similar. And i am even more sorry that you had the courage to tell someone but unfortunately nothing was done. At this very moment i feel every drop of pain you had and might still be having. I am so proud that you have been able to move on. This is something that does not go away. It remains in your heart and effects your life without realizing it.
It has taken a lot of effort and work from me be able to zoom out of my life and really SEE what it has done to me. I am personally a closed book, it is very hard for anyone to read me, even me.
But i never forget to say Alhamduallah, you know why? because i am SO SO thankful Allah has given me the ability to move on and accomplish things other couldn't. At first i was unable to read other victims stories, I shield myself from anything remotely negative toward humans, weather its molestation, rape, physical abuse, hunger, war, death, even seeing a mother simple yelling at her kids effected me.
But the more i made myself read the more i cried and cried. Then i grew into hating this world and doubting humanity. but by the help of online strangers my eyes finally opened up and my Alhamduallah grew louder. I am so lucky i am still here, i am able to pick up my daughter and make her laugh till she cheeks turn red, i am able to go to my sons tee-ball games and cheer him on, I am able to rest my head on my husbands chest and feel at peace, even if all these joyful moments lasted for a few seconds, Alahmduallah i get to experience them. Many Many people do NOT get this privilege.
The reason i am saying all this, i want you and everyone else reading this to know that being Muslim, having strong faith in Allah, and knowing this is merrily a journey is a blessing. It's a blessing to know the purpose you are here.
I still have a very long way ahead of me. The Shatan still gets to my thoughts and overtakes me. My nightmares and much much less now and my flashbacks are not as intense. They did remind me of a lot of details that i had forgotten. But if i hadnt gone through that deep depression phase my reaction would have been very different when i found out he is working around children now. so ALHAMDUALLAH!
I feel i have an opportunity to help others now. and like one of the posters said, save someone's life. I just need to do it in a way that will not have a negative impact on my life.
May Allah increase the peace in your heart and grant you a life full of joyful moments.
Salam,
Thank you for the du'a sister. Don't think of US as stranger we are all a part of huge family called Islam. Islam united all the people and brought a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood which no other man-made religion has ever done. We all are brothers and sisters in faith.
Good to see that you wont keep quite and fight for those innocent kids whom this hypocrite might have troubled or is planning to trouble.
In spite of reading all the replies of people i would strongly suggest that inform your husband because may be your husband might feel bad that why did you hide this thing from him. I mean there should not be anything hidden in a husband and wife relationship for it to be successful.
The way you have described your husband i am sure that he will understand and try to help you in this struggle. He can tell his friends or some person he knows. Best thing would be to hire a detective i feel.
The result is not in our hands but in the hands of Allah, All praiseworthy, All wise.
All we can do is try our best as much as possible and make lots and lots of Du'a.
I pray to Allah that you are successful in your fight for justice.
Salam. Peace be upon You, your family and your loved ones.
PS. I would like to urge everyone that if you see any injustice atleast make a du'a for the person suffering.
Sister, in such a case I would not suggest you personally try and solve this issue by either facing your abuser or going face to face with your community, certainly don't attempt any sting operations which someone early mentioned as this will most likely have a worser effect on you and the people involved.
I don't believe this is the right time to speak with your husband certain things are very difficult for a husband to deal with certainly his wife being abuses is one thing most men will find awkward to handle I'm not saying men are not understanding because majority of them are however my point is don't ruin something which is good, your main concern should be bringing your abuser to the attention of the authority's, the police are much better equipped to deal with such circumstance we as citizens who are not in the police force can easily make a mistake, I believe from your thread your am American therefore the police have resources to deal with this matter without revealing your Identity they have a legal obligation to you to protect your ID, you will find the police will support you and while the investigation is going on you should feel relieved of this awful tension your going through.
I would recommend you phone the police and speak to them rather then writing a letter, a personal visit will be even better this will give the police a better picture, for assurance ask the police if they will reassure you your identity will be protected.
This is a very sensitive matter, without offending the Asian community, the abuse you suffered it's very unlikely anyone will show sympathy towards you because we hold such religious figures in a high ranking but when they do disgusting deeds they need to be punished, we are human this does not give anyone the right to abuse us or our trust.
Your children are to young to understand, you have a obligation to protect them. If you reveal to them what happened to you will effect them, please consider speaking to the police before you speak to your husband or family, we are all complete strangers to you we all have our own opinions which we are advising you, over all you have to pick up the strength and courage sister to take this matter further for other children's protection, I'm a mother it will kill me if my child suffered in the hands of an abuser, you are also someone's child who has grown up with this pain. May Allah be with you and guide you, I honestly believe once you have spoken to the police it will give you the strength to move on perhaps you might never have to tell your husband this and continue living your happy married life, stay focus Allah swt is with you always remember this.
Assalam alaikum sister,
I do understand how you feel. You are probably suffering form ptsd right now with the trauma from the past. It is a horrible thing to go through and the depression from it can be physically exhausting. I pray for you and hope that you are able to come out of it. It is such a difficult thing to even seek help for because who knows who will judge you and how. A lot times, no one even believes it happens in the Muslim community or by religious figures.
The thing that is very concerning, obviously, in your case is that this sexual abuser is now getting involved with kids and how convenient. Usually such people do that and they do not have self-control.
I would in your case inform someone that you can trust--you may have to even get some legal advice or speak to a psychologist because they often have a lot of experience that they could share with you. Do a consultation with them and find out what actions you can take.
I don't know if you should tell your husband or not because some husbands will react differently. This is a tough call. He definitely shouldn't judge you if he does find out--playing innocent as you said, frankly I think you are innocent because NO ONE wishes to be sexually abused ever.
Please do not say silent. Someone before you stayed silent and look at the damage it did to you. Allah knows your intention and that you remained silent for 20 yrs so why speak now? You are speaking now because you have found out that he is again involved with teaching children - so that is your sole reason to speak out - to prevent further abuse. This is a very strong argument. You could have easily said something long before, but you had chosen to be silent, until of course you were aware of the current potential danger.
An anonymous letter is not going to do this by the way. No one will take it seriously. I pray that Allah helps you and makes it easier on you inshaAllah.
May Allah heal our wounds and give us the strength to face many more days. Ameen.
Sister,
I slept last night thinking carefully over your post. Your thoughts and fears are valid and nothing to be taken lightly however, the reality is...this coward of a man most likely is and has continued abusing children over the last 20 years. He has more than likely changed the lives of many children...some who like you, could not speak out about what was happening out of fear.
I truly do understand where you are coming from and your fear of the unknown, however by speaking out you can help stop this sick pervert from hurting anymore children. Chances are, he is abusing children right now and the only place he belongs is behind bars.
I am going to agree with Wael on this. I believe you need to sit down with your husband and tell him what is going on. He sounds like a wonderful man and father to your children. What happened to you as a child is no fault of your own. This man took advantage of his position and hurt you not only physically but mentally. His actions affected your whole life and while I sit here in my comfortable chair typing this, he is more than likely hurting another child who will have lifelong repercussions. You can help put a stop to this sick man and his evil actions.
You have the opportunity here to change things if not for yourself, for another innocent child who may be in his care. By you speaking up, others who have kept silent may come forward as well. As you stated earlier in your post, allegations came out before about this man and it was swept under the rug. Chances are...this other person who came forward was afraid of a lot of the same things you are and as a result, It was swept under the rug for fear of what people would say or think. Well...you know what...it's time to pull that rug up and let it be known that this man is a dangerous threat to all children.
Another thought that I had since you are apprehensive about approaching family members was going to your local police station and asking to speak with a female officer in private. Tell her what went on all those years ago and how you fear this man may be abusing children right now. Let them take it from there. You can let the officer know your fears about coming out with this information to your family and how you fear what it might do to your relationship with your husband, family and so forth. The officer might offer you some help as well in addition to some avenues to help you cope with your feelings.
Remember that there is a place and time for everything in this life we have been given and it may very well be that Allah placed this coward in your path so that you might be the one to stop this evil man. No matter what you do, no matter how very difficult you think things might be...your actions or inaction will affect a child or children either way. May Allah almighty guide you forward and keep you strong and give you the strength to do what you know you need to do. Oh...and before I forget...don't worry about what people will say or think, that is the problem in our world today. We worry too much about what doesn't matter. What matters most is the fact that this man who steals the lives of the innocent is exposed for what he is...a low life facade of a man who uses his position of authority to do the devils work.
Salam
Salam Sister,
I think that you should perhaps contact a lawyer to see if it would be possible to press charges against this man. If you know of other women who were molested, you can ask them to join you as well. In some states there is no statute of limitations when it comes to the molestation of young minors. This is particularly true if it involved an authority figure such as a parent, teacher, or clergyman. The type of abuse is also a factor and will determine if the person committed a felony. If you live in the U.S., it all depends on what the laws in your state are, and a lawyer can help you understand which laws apply to your situation. Do not depend on the Internet for advice because much of it is conflicting or may be outdated. The laws these days are better than in the past and are largely on the victim's side. My heartfelt prayers are with you and your family.
You must tell the authorities save someone else going through what happened to you. And so good for you for showing so much encouragement and getting through this awful pain and suffering may Allah always be here for you ameen.
Assalaamualaikam
Sister, when I read you say "keeping quiet is not an option", I am so proud of you. It takes true strength of character and deen to take action.
JazakhAllah khair.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Sister, i feel your internal struggle, I had something similar happen to me. I advise you to tell your husband before telling the police or anyone and let your husband feel like your hero and protector. Do not dwell on this too much and prolong the pain that will be exposed upon your loved onse, tho. I pray Allah swt makes it easy for you, sister.
Seriously, Informing your husband may not be a good idea. I honestly think, its wrong to inform him of this unfortunate past as this MIGHT raise up few doubts and suspicions in his mind about you and your past. Yes, It is possible that, he might be your hero and protector but there is also a high chance he might be a zero and a goner. Do you wish to take that great risk to let the past destroy your present and future ? Think wisely ! No one can gurantee what your husband's reaction to this would be and so do not try.
lol yes he could b a zero instead of a hero but i strongly think that reporting him without her husband's knowledge is in fact the worst move she can make coz the cops wont simply nod their heads and start their investigation, she will have to get involved. i dont know what kind of involvement they may ask for but im sure its not going to b just a one time affair. if the husband found out that she went to the cops to report this person and this thing has become huge and she is in the forfront he will get really mad at her. his first argument will b "y didnt u tell me first?" or " y did u go straight to that cops?". that will become a sticky situation coz then it wont just b open to her husband but to every1 at once leaving no room for her to undo any of this.
yea it goes both ways but really too much to lose than gain. Because if her husband doesn't turn out to be supportive and understanding instead turns against her for waiting 20 years to reveal this or he might doubt her which is highly possible because that evil culprit is a " Islamic teacher " and so on which will put her in a point of no return or as you said 'no room for her to undo any of this'. She has lovely children and lovely husband which is really too much to lose right now in this depressed moments. Family destruction or peaceful atmosphere destruction is the last thing anyone would want after 20 years of patience.
Furthermore, It also depends on the mindset of the husband, for example, IF he found out that she went to the cops directly without didnt inform him, it is possible that he might understand her plight and therefore the seriousness of it and also he might understand her unwillingness to inform him as it might lead to family destruction. From other perspective, if she inform her husband, her husband might tell her "why didn't you inform the cops long ago" ? keeping in mind 20 long years have past (1993 most probably) or etc.
Therefore, she has to think and plan wisely so that she don't fall in unnecessary trouble. An anonymous letter to trustable person to file a case or complain is the way to go I believe. If she request to the cops that she should be anonymous, they would surely respect her request and proceed with the case.
without informing*
he wont understand her plight if she didnt discuss it with him and went straight. im saying this since i am a married woman myself and the fact is u either have an understanding husband or u dont.
if he is an understanding husband he will feel betrayed by his wife who didnt trust him at all and went on her own to the cops. now going to the cops is not like any regular thing. she wont b able to simply walk in and walk out of the police station. those guys will take all her details and will expect he to co operate throughout the procedure even if they assure her annonimity in return. they will require some basis to start their investigation and during all this her husband will get to know about it anyway and im sure about this 100%. my point is, if he has to find out about this then let him know it through her instead of any other source.
if the husband is not understanding and finds out through the outside source then he will act up with her using her mistake of approaching the cops without his knowledge as an excuse for punishing her and even her family will not b able to produce any argument to support the sister. so let her not leave any room to b blamed any further.
a rape or molestation victim was looked upon as a culprit but not anymore not at least in educated communities.God forbid if i would have been in a situation like this then i would have spoken about it to my husband. i cant handle a toxic secret like this all my life. one has to flush it out at some point.
she can test her husband first if she wants, she can tell him that her friend is in a situation like this and her friend's husband has not taken it well so what should
she do. then she can gauge his reaction to the story and then that will help her to plan her nxt step.
if things work well with her husband then they can approach an NGO or some support group and they will together contact the cops. hiring a detective to gather proof or looking into his conduct in the past of this man or if there was any complaint against him in the previous institute of such nature etc can b
gathered by them. but all this is not possible to do on a descrete level by this sister alone. besides since both of them r inexperienced in handling such a situation they will have to approach an NGO for assistance
she is not alone now. her husbands life is also connected with her's so let them do intense contemplation and discussion of the pros and cons of every step they will take in their cours of action.
she also has other options like revealing it to her family or trusted friends or a counsellor..any of them will give her a good advise on what to do nxt.
However as the sister has shown her reluctance in sharing it with any1 no matter what since a lot is involved and she cannot risk her reputation at all then the annonymous letter is our only option.
none of the options are fool proof here. none of them even guarentee that the culprit will b taken to task or will b exposed the way she wants him to b. since a very long time has been passed away and there is no substantial proof against him anyway. the proof will have to be collected through a sting operation.
but the plus point of the annonymous letter is that she wont have anything to lose any futher than what she has already ( in the past).
we can hope and pray that even if no1 believes the letter completely that man will b kept under some check. so God forbid if some parent comes to them with a complaint of such a nature in future then his complaint will have some weightage because of it.
whatever u do sister. do ur istekhara b4 u take any step..but dont stay mum about it.
You read the sad unfortunate story of sister Zenab's sister, though her brother-in-law was the person who brought smile to his wife (Zenab's sister), he changed her life for good, he was a good protector and brought happiness to her life BUT he acted terribly upon hearing the news. He became abusive physically, mentally and whatnot. Furthermore, her own family couldn't trust her and blamed her. This is one of the reason I fear in the case of the OP about informing her husband and family. She have everything to lose. May Allah have mercy on her and guide her ameen.
yes i did read sister zainab's post and it was very sad indeed. How ignorant are these people. No wonder y these victims feel guilty for no sin of their own.
may Allah guide this sister through the path that is most suitable for her. Ameen.
Its the last part of the night and iam praying for u sister.
Salam,
Just want to tell all that there are many hypocrite Imam, Islamic scholars, etc who very hideous crimes. I dont want to mention the names but want to tell people to beware of them.
One common sin these people commit is that they molest a woman who comes to them searching for help.
The woman is in so much mental stress that many times she either ignores it or hides it thinking that people wont believe her. This happens in many other religions also.
The best way is to solve a problem is to go in sujood, cry, pour your heart out in front of Allah And Allah willing your prayer will definitely accepted.
Wearing a amulet (Tabeez) , etc to get rid of a problem is a form of shirk.
Therefore instead of going to any person asking for help directly pray to Allah with sincere heart and in Sujood.
And Allah knows best.
Salam.
Salam
I am tremendously overwhelmed by all of your replies. I am not taking lightly all your encouragement and suggestions. As i said i have been reading about sexual abuse victims but this is the first time i read about it from a Muslims prospective. I've always thought i had to hide his sin and be patient. One of my cooping techniques was convincing myself that on the day of judgment i will get my revenge and Allah swt will reward me for being patient on this earth, but i never realized that Allah swt will ask me, when you got older did you do anything to stop him from hurting other?
To be honest i don't know how to tell anyone, weather its my husband, family, a counselor, or the police department. I can not get the words out of my mouth. i recently starting typing the words "i was sexually abused" so imagine me actually speaking it. and it wouldn't just end at that, they would want to know details, When it started, what he did to me, what he made me do, where, how, why,... its making me sick just thinking about the questions.
So imagine me sitting down with my husband and telling him, honey, when i was 8 i was sexually abused by my teacher. I had no control over it and could not stop it. Now i need to inform someone so he doesn't hurt anyone else. In a perfect world he will hug me and i would cry and we start talking about what steps to take to expose him. but eventually he would ask questions, what happened exactly? did he just hug you and you think he abused you? or did he touch you? where did this take place? how was he getting away with it? did you ask him to stop? where did he touch you? did you do anything to him?
every single one of those questions has a horrible horrible story behind it. This isn't something anyone can just start talking about, weather i tell my husband or anyone else.
It's been 20 years and all the details just recently starting popping up in my head. I can't tell you how many time i would throw up from how disgusted i was from my flashbacks. How can a man do that!
So you guys tell me, i would like to hear from my brothers, would you be able to handle your wife telling you what someone did to her? could you handle the image of your wife being sexually hurt multiple times? although she was very young and had no control.
I don't want to be fixated on the thought of telling my husband but weather i tell him now or later, he will eventually find out, and i will have to explain myself.
So my initial plan is,
1. Find a counselor: I need an independent support, I don't think i would be able to say anything to anyone without some support, i need a "practice run". This will teach me my limits, what i can handle and what i cant.
2. Locate other victims: I am 100% sure there were other girls when i was young. I know for a fact there was at least one other girl. She confessed to me what happened. She told me that Mr.X touched her, I acted dumb, I asked her what did she means, She explained to me in detail what he did to her and asked me if he ever did it to me. I said no 🙁 .. see what a coward I was.
3. Contact someone; either i find an attorney that can advise me about the statue of limitations and what legal steps i can take or i will go straight to the police department. I'll ask the police department what they can do now to insure he is currently not hurting anyone.
4 If i am told its too late and there is nothing anyone can do. I will write a detailed letter. I will contact the other victims and explain to them what what this ugly man is doing and i will ask them to also write letters. I will mail those letters to his current work place.
I am just praying that Allah gives me the strength to handle all of this.
Salam,
Very frankly i would share each and every single detail of my earlier life to my wife and would expect her to do the same. It doesn't matter what it is. Every one has good and bad and Ugly experiences in the past.
I would never feel disgusted to hear her story. And i am sure every guy would say the same.
It was not your fault why should you feel guilty and ashamed. The more people you can find to fight with you the more great it will be.
And you don't have to necessarily give in detail information. If the questioner is good person he wont ask you for complete detail.
I am sure he must have done something similar to some other person in recent. This is what you have to find out.
I pray to Allah that you succeed and that HYPOCRITE gets punished.
Salam.
...meanwhile allow that man to continue abusing young children?
I have read through this page and to be honest I'm disgusted, so many brothers and sisters have given great advice and support but your to busy making plans about how your going to tackle this? I sympathies with you 100% and can understand your reasons for working up a plan so it won't effect you further, but sister you have already been hurt you have lived with this for 20 years in that 20 years god knows how many children have been abused? How long will it take you to complain about this pervert a month? 2 months? A year? Mean while let him abuse other children? This is going to be harsh but because you denied it to your fellow pupil you most probably have scared her in coming forward to? But you was only 8 so it's understandable sister please don't let time get the better of you. My sister was abused by my uncle she had no one to talk to about it, I was to young to understand, my sister was only 11 while she was faced with this. She lived her childhood life quite and distance from everyone, she was 18 when she got married and she changed her husband brought a smile to her face when she had her daughter she didn't want my uncle to go near her, she always protected her from him and every man we all noticed this I questioned her but she didn't tell me why, her husband was her protector who brought her happiness when he asked her why she didn't allow our uncle to go near her children she told him because she trusted him, that same man because a #%:?& who ruined my sisters life he told all the family and everyone accused my sister of lying, my sister suffered so much after telling her husband 4 years she was beaten by him my parents didn't intervene because my uncle is my dads brother my sister suffered so much if my sister was here today she would have seen her kids grow up she passed away in 2009 from cancer. Til this day I blame my #*&*%@*%# brother in law and dirty @&*%&*# uncle for ruining my sisters and her children's life you shouldn't sit back making plans for gods sake wake up its been bloody 20 years I'm upset over the loss of my sister but I wouldn't sit making plans I'm upset and angry with whats happened to you but if my sister went to the cops before trusting the *#%&@ she called husband she probably would have been here today.
Sister, I pray that Allah Overlooks your sister's mistakes and Gives her Jannah.
Sister, thanks for sharing the experience, but do not use abusive words. I understand you are angry, but sister, Allah Will Deal with such people, you need not use such words.
Also, death and life is decided by Allah. Nobody could have saved your sister from death because she was destined to die at that time. Pray to Allah for her forgiveness and be patient. If this uncle has access to other kids, please report him to the cops without any thought because unlike the OP you have nothing else to consider. Plans are necessary for her because she needs to save her own honor, lest the community should deny this news based on this man's position, and lest her husband should doubt on her (and this is most likely to happen if she does not tell him about it).
In your case, the damage has already happened, so there is no plan required.
I hope you understand and avoid using abusive words. May Allah Give you patience.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Zenab,
I am SO sorry about your sister. Your post hit me hard. I do not want to waste time, I feel the burden of all the unknown victims on my shoulders. I can not allow this to continue and I will try my best to paralyze him from hurting anyone else.
But please understand, all these memories just started coming back to me, I feel like I am being abused all over again. I know it has been 20 years since it actually happened but I swear I feel like it was yesterday.
My heart melted over your sister, It hurts to know what the outcome of her revealing your uncle was. I am so sorry her husband did not turn out to be the person she thought he was.
After remembered all that has happened to me and reevaluating my life, I realized how hard it is to trust ANYONE, that is the main reason why I have always been a closed book. I don't open my heart up to ANYONE except my husband. He is my only outlet so for me to risk losing that it huge for me.
I don't know what type of person her husband us, but as you described he was loving to her before he found out, not all men can handle this type of information, if they are not educated about it they will end up blaming the girl. For your sister to have had the courage to tell him was huge but I am sorry it did not work out to her advantage.
I am sorry for what I am about to say but if your sister had Not told her husband I believe it would have been a different outcome, she would have spent her final days enjoying her husband and kids rather then dealing with an abusive husband.
Or she would have gathered her strength, rebuilt herself, found courage, educated her husband, made a plan and confronted your uncle head on.
As Abu Abdul Bari suggested please report your uncle he might have hurt someone else. It is not just the victims responsibility to report such activity.
I am really really sorry for your lose, may Allah forgive her and grant her a house in paradise.
Wa Alaikum as Salam,
Sister, I can visualize your concern about your husband. The news will certainly disturb him, but letting him know and taking him into confidence is the best you can do.
You spoke about nightmares. If he asks you what is wrong, you can say: "Please, let us move from this place." He will ask what is wrong. Say that you can't bear seeing this man. He will enquire why, you can gradually tell him that he had touched you when you were 8, but not in detail. He will not ask you the detail, in sha Allah, he is not a cop 🙂
It will not affect your relation in sha Allah, because he knew you were a helpless kid who did not understand what was going on. Project yourself positive all through your diacussion. And tell him that you realized what he was doing, when you grew up and had some idea of sexuality.
Also tell him that he is currently getting access to many kids, which is dangerous, as he may touch other girls as he touched many 20 years ago - do not give the impression that you were the only one. Also, when you write letters to the place this man works, if you do not find other victims, you can post letters with different names and slightly differing stories.
If my wife said something like this to me, in sha Allah, I would first hug her and say she isn't wrong and that I love her regardless and even more because she told me this, trusting me and looking for support, and make her feel fine. Then see what I can do to stop the evil of this man, if he is still the same.
The steps you have proposed maybe good, too. Look for what others have to say and ask Allah's Help is choosing the best way.
Before I end, you said Allah May Ask you: " did you do anything to stop him from hurting other?"
This maybe the case if you had no feeling for the kids he has access to or if you were able to stop it, but still remained silent. This is from the following hadith:
On the authority of Abu Saeed al-Khudri (Radiyallahu Anhu) who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam say, “Whoever of you sees an evil must then change it with his hand. If he is not able to do so, then [he must change it ] with his tongue. And if he is not able to do so, then [he must change it] with his heart. And that is the least faith.” (Recorded in Muslim)
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Also, when you write letters to the place this man works, if you do not find other victims, you can post letters with different names and slightly differing stories.
As-salamu Alaykum,
I am sorry, but I disagree with this advice as the letters could be traced and put the poster in legal trouble.
As she indicated below, she is in contact with a lawyer, and this is insha'Allah best as he will advise her according to the law.
Dear Sister, Asalaamualaykum,
I am deeply sorry for what you have been through. In your post, it seems as though you feel guilty for what has happened to you - although I hope I am wrong. You have been the victim here and have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. I pray Allah guides you to deal with this in the best manner and that Allah makes your husband strong enough to look after you throughout. Also, keep purifying your intention so that your goal in reporting this man is to prevent further abuse to others. May Allah give you shifaa'.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam to all,
Yes i feel a great amount of guilt for what has happened. I know i shouldn't but i really do. I feel so responsible and that is an issue i really have to work on.
Alhamduallah thanks to Zenab's punch in the stomach i contacted a law firm today and according to the state law here i have till the age of 38 to file a law suite against him. I explained the abusers current job and he suggested they will be able to contact the police department or he can get a court order for him to be removed from work or reassigned until the case is settled but he cant know for sure till he knows more details. So Inshallah i will be meeting with them soon.
I am still looking for a counselor, I wish i can find someone Muslim but its tremendously hard, I always feel awkward talking to someone Non-Muslim, I feel like i have to explain myself. Before i found out about my abuser's job i was on a catholic site that specializes in child abuse and they gave me a lot of advise specifically about coping skills and pressing charges against him, but hearing advise from my brothers and sisters in Islam really touched my heart. I feel like you are all a part of my life now. Jazakum Allah Khare!! :')
Inshallah i have begun this very scary journey, please keep me in your prayers, you all have helped me SO much. I have read every one of your posts multiple times. If inshallah i am able to reveal him and save someones life, i pray that every single one of you receives double the amount of Ajer that i will get, inshallah, because your words are what gave me strength to move forward.
Again Jazakum Allah Khare and i hope i can keep updating you all receive your support.
Salam
As-salamu Alaykum,
I am very proud of you for taking these steps. You are very strong for speaking out against this oppression and helping others who are vulnerable. May Allah SWT make it easy for you as you move ahead.
Mashallah. As sister A said, we r very proud of u. plz do keep us posted. we would like to know how things unfold in this case as we feel emotionally involved.
No matter what hapns ur efforts to expose his evil matters the most. The rest is in Allah's hands.
Take care. our prayers are with u.
Salam,
Masha Allah, Really glad to see that you have made a start. Our du'as are always with you and please keep us updated on things. I would really love to see that hypocrite behind the bars. In sha Allah you will get justice.
Felt really sad and angry as well after hearing the story of sister Zenab...Although I have forgiven my Uncle who abused me as a child but i wont keep quiet if i see any person abusing a child in future. I guess child abuse is more horrible for a girl as compared to a guy.
It seems in many families there is a sick #*&*%@*%#. And many times the family doesn't take a action against him because they fear that the family's name would get spoiled. But such persons should be never be left alone since they will continue to do your dirty work.
I pray that Zenab's sisters all sins are forgiven and she gets Jannat-ul firdus and also her children have a good life ahead of them.
Every one has their share of suffering in life but Elhumdulilaah sins are forgiven for each and every single suffering.
And i am sure that Zenabs sister would be in peace now. And Allah knows best.
Salam.
Temporarily Lost,
Please don't be scared of the journey, only Allah deserves to be scared of and that to the punishment of Allah. And your intentions and efforts matter not the result.
Zenab,
Thanks for the punch, honestly i thought that the sister wont make a move...Bcoz i really wanted that hypocrite to be exposed and punished.
Salam,
Just would like to share something which came to my mind now, I forgot which verse it is but in Qur'an Allah says something like Don't you know that there are weak Muslims who pray to Allah to provide them with a protector. Who can fight for their cause, etc.
This was said in reference to those people who were too scared to fight in the cause of Islam while fighting a war was first ordered in Qur'an.
Similar still i am sure there must be people who must be praying to Allah to provide a helper for them against child abuse. And now you are their helper/protector.
Hope this gives you some encouragement.
Salam.