Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Committed zina and I feel ashamed and worthless.

I’m 18 and have committed Zina many times from a young age, it started off from guys trying to force me into things and me being too weak to actually stop it, never had actual sexual intercourse until the age of 14 when a guy forced me into it - I turned around and managed to end it but the damage was done he took my virginity this led me to get depressed and completely hate myself which also led to me self harming and considering suicide at times - although I have gotten better in that’s sense but there are moments when I completely break down and end up self harming, for not being pure in general, for being stupid enough to let myself get in this situation and ruining my life. After that I didn’t do anything for a while but eventually slowly started to start doing all that stuff and have done it many times with many people.

I regret it completely and always have, while doing it and after and would continue to hate myself for falling back into these actions as they don’t necessarily bring me joy I just sometimes would use it a stupid way to distract myself from things going on in my life. But it’s only led me to getting into more situations where I let guys take advantage of me and sometimes try and force themselves onto me. I am not proud to say that I am not religious although I try to put in more effort to be. But I just feel even if I stop (which I have for a while now) my self hatred and feelings of worthlessness will not go away I feel like a horrible person, daughter and Muslim and that these actions will completely destroy my future as well as in regards to marriage. It feels as if even if I do get on the right path my past will still affect me and will over power all the good I do and that I just will never be good enough and the fact that I have allowed myself to be treated this way doesn’t help it.

Along with that I now have very deep and strong feelings for one of the guys I had committed zina with and the feeling is mutual - he is also Muslim. We both have committed quite abit of zina with each others and others and we ended up developing feelings however I want something more with him and have tried to kind of date but both him and I know that he is reluctant to actually have a future with me although he had wanted to in the past. I want to leave him and move on and stay away from zina in general but it is so hard because despite all the zina we have been there for each other as for friends and helped each other through so much and just become a strong part of each others lives but in general I’m not good enough for him.


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5 Responses »

  1. Hello Elif,

    What you have done is now over. By constantly thinking about your past, you will only cause further problem to yourself. You may even have serious mental issues as it will begin to affect your productivity and may cause a strong feeling of self hatred. If you really regret your decision, then simply do not do what you did. Forget your past, and do things that really interest you and you will begin to love your life again.

    Your problem has a very easy solution, especially if you are unmarried and your parents do not know about this. So, please for your own sake, begin to develop interest in those things that you really enjoy doing and if you regret what you did then do not do them again. It is simple. Please do not make it more complicated that it needs to be !

  2. In. Which lart kf the world do you live. Can i know please

  3. Salaam alaikum. You like sex. Big surprise. Now find yourself a husband. A boyfriend is just a boy and not a husband. If you want to crawl your way out of this hole then ask for forgiveness but back it up with devotion to your salaat. You got guilt? Salaat. You got regret? Salaat. You want hope? Salaat. Get married and you can boink uglies all day long and not be in trouble. It's the best way for guilt free sex.

  4. Hello sister,
    I just want to start by saying that the feeling of regret is a good sign because you acknowledge all the wrongdoings in your life and you are seeking guidance. Allah is all-seeing, all-knowing. No human-being is perfect, and it is important to note that Allah will make a way for those who repent and seek His forgiveness. I urge you to repent, pray, and make a promise to Allah that you will not go backwards. He knows your true intentions and when you are genuinely trying to be a better person. We all have our inner demons, but the true struggle is doing the right thing when you are being influenced otherwise.

    One can worship Allah for 70 years then decide, at the last moment before their death, that there is no Allah and all their years of worship was for nothing. Regardless of the 70 years of worship, they will be turned to Hellfire because of their decision in not acknowledging Ar-Rahman. On the other hand, one can disobey and live a sinful life and decide to turn things around and worship Allah; in this case, they may go to Heaven. Allah knows best, and He is the one that you should repent and speak to.

    I wish you the best and Inshallah you will be lead down the right path. Alhamdullilah you have already acknowledged your sins, and that is the first step!

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