Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Don’t want to get married because I’m not ready for sex

BreakupHi.. I am 21 old year girl.. I got engaged when i was 13 year old.. I was young enough to do something... And i did not understand these types of things..

Now i am 21 year old. And my family is forcing me to get married... I dont want to do the marriage.. I am not ready for these things now.. I dont know what i should do..

- Deep sheikha

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2 Responses »

  1. You do not have to be forced into marriage...It is clearly stated in Islam that parent should not force their children to marry someone they don't like.... you have the right to talk with your parents and tell them that what they are doing is not advisable in Islam... Marriage is not by force

  2. As-salamu alaykum sister. There is an issue you are hinting at that I feel must be addressed. You say you were engaged at 13, and you imply that you engaged in sexual behavior without really understanding it. Presumably your "fiance" was an older man. This is a case of child abuse and sexual molestation. It is essentially statutory rape. The man who did this to you is a sexual abuser. You were too young to understand or be responsible for what you did. You were a victim in this case.

    If the man your family wants you to marry is the very same man, then you should absolutely refuse. You should cut this man out of your life and have nothing to do with him, no matter what pressure your family puts on you. As for telling them what was done to you, that is up to you. Some parents are enlightened and will be outraged by the way you were victimized. Others are backward thinking and will blame the girl.

    Next, even if the man is a different man, you are not required to get married if you do not wish it. There is no forced marriage in Islam. Your family might pressure you, but it its your right to say no.

    Lastly, I suggest you seek therapy or counseling to deal with what happened to you. It is clearly still affecting you emotionally and is affecting your quality of life. You need to speak to someone confidentially, who can help you heal from the trauma of the past.

    May Allah guide you, keep you strong and keep you safe. Take care of yourself.

    Wael Editor

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