Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sunni girl in love with Shia boy

Salam Alaikum
I'm a Sunni girl (Moroccan), and I'm in love with a Shia guy (Iranian), we are best friends so he doesn't know that I'm in love with him I can't tell him, we are very very similar, same thoughts, we are both left handers, same objectives .. He taught me Farsi and he wants me to come and visit Iran to meet his family. I told him that I can't because I'm afraid to go to Iran knowing that I'm Sunni so we decided to meet in France inshaallah (because I will study there) and after that we will go together to Iran. But I'm wondering why he wants me to meet his family and one day he asked me if I'm engaged I said no - he was kind of happy. He loves the Prophet Muhammad SAS and he doesnt practise the painful form of Matham, do I have to tell him that I love him? I really want him to be my husband - he respects me and he respects my religion, help me please I'm confused. I can't act like a friend anymore. I love him 🙁


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9 Responses »

  1. It would be best if both were direct with each other and your families. Get so encourage and just do it, maybe in person, in an email, etc whatever makes you comfortable.

    Let him know you are serious about marrying him and tell him he has to meet your family.

    There is no boyfriend and girlfriend in do make your relationship known to your family, get engaged and soon to be married and make it halal.

    Don't play games if you are serious about him, just get straight to the point, because the more you chat the longer you are sinning as he is not your mahram.

    There is a Hadith about when two people are alone, the third person is the shaitan with them. So be careful. And keep it halal.

    Also, look very carefully into his belief and what his family believes because they will play a role into your life if you are to be married and will have a say about how your children will be influenced. Also, don't go alone when travelling. Go with your parents just for safety, just because he is a nice guy, your family also needs to asses his family to make sure you get a second opinion...because you have the love googles on and you won't be able to make a critical decision.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Even though you may like and care for him, this boy isn't your mahram, so make sure that you are observing appropriate limits - eg. no private interactions, covering appropriately.

    If the two of you are interested in marriage, then it's important for your families to be involved as soon as possible. Even though it might be scary to raise the issue, you could speak with your parents and say that through work / studies / however you met, you've encountered a practising Muslim man of good character, and are having thoughts about whether he would be a suitable husband, so could they investigate this?

    He can also approach your wali with a proposal, either himself or through his parents. Then, you and your wali can look at the proposal and decide whether this is something you want to pursue. Of course, before making any big decisions, it'll be important to pray istikhara.

    Differences in beliefs may be a problem, but this really depends on how practising the people involved are. If his family are very committed Shias, then they may not be supportive of you as a Sunni. Or, they may be fine about it and support you in your deen rather than pressuring you to become Shia. Be sure that you are aware of what the different families want and whether you can deal with that.

    Midnightmoon editor

  3. Assalamu aleikum,

    Dear sister please make sure that he is firstly following Islam, because the majority of Shia's are not considered muslim. I know it is harsh and maybe rude for me to begin this way, but bad news should come instantly in order to know it's weight. Why I am saying this is because the majority of the Iranian shias living in Iran are the Twelvers. They believe that there are 12 Imam who control the universe and creation besides Allah azzawajal. This ofcourse is shirk and it takes you outside of Islam.

    We sunnis are very hopeful and we always say as long as someone says the shahada its fine. But in reality we don't know about shia, ask yourself why shia, whats the difference, where does it come from? So we have to know their aqiedah too. Some worship Ali (ra), like the christians worshipping Isa (as). Some believe that Ali (ra) was a reincarnation of Allah na 'uthu billah min hadha.

    Please make sure you marry a muslim otherwise your marriage is not accepted by Allah, meaning everything you do within that marriage can become a sin.

    May Allah help you sister and may Allah protect us. Amin.


  4. aoa. i just wanted to reply brother ahmad about some misunderstanding about twelver shias. they do not consider the 12 Imams as controling universe or possessing any attributes which only belong to Allah SWT. they cnsider the Imams as "imams" and for that matter Allah's creation and slaves. aand those who worship Hazrat Ali are not shia but they are called nuseri, which like u, many people confuse with shia.


  5. Its better to do isthakhara, the need of the hour is to take prudent and wise steps, and not to take any blind decision. Cause we have to stand before Allah and answer for our actions before Him, cause we live and die only for Allah. Allah first, then everything else. Its a very important decision regarding duniya as well as the akhirah, so be very cautious.

  6. Assalamu aleykum
    My dear sister i am sunni and I strongly believe Shia-Sunni are brother in Islam and I encourage to get married. Don't feel pressure just be yourself. And pray to Allah insha Allah everthing will be alright

    • You do not know the belief of the shia do you? the prophet clearly said anyone who divides is not of me. They curse Abu bakr, Omar, Aisha, and they have beliefs that can lead to Shirk. this will harm her religion if she marries him. Look up the hadith about 73 sects in islam.

  7. No any sunni girls married Shia boys because sunnies in iran a Shia dominant country treated very bedly so my advice is for you to left this boy and don't trust on Shia because Shia is worse than any other religions and they specially hate sunnis

  8. Sister, the belief of Shia will enter you slowly and slowly if you marry this man. They believe in a concept called twelver, in which they think that 12 imams are basically like prophets, this is not our belief. They also curse Abu bakr, Omar, Aisha, may Allah be pleased with them all. Do no marry this man because wallahi, slowly, you will become exaclty like them. They put Hussann (may Allah be pleased with him) above the prophets basically. Everything they do revolves around Hussan, this is not the sunnah believe. We as Sunnah must follow the Quran and Sunnah according to the way the companions followed it. They interpret verses from the Quran in their own way to meet their beliefs and there is absolutely no foundation of twelver anywhere in the Quran.

    You will only hurt yourself if you marry this man, and it will change you belief. The prophet (peace be upon him said) there will be 73 different sects in islam and all of them will be in Hell Fire, except for one. The companions said, who is the one, he said those who follow the Quran and my sunnah and the generation after them, and the generation after them, meaning the Salaf.

    Allah knows best sister.

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