Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I always think nobody likes me.

Dark skin and light skin

I am so worried about my situation. I am a religious muslim girl. But now, my mind oscillate always, as I am not good looking I am depressed very much.I know Allah created everything upon his will, but yet I am so sad. 

I always think nobody likes me, although love does not depend on beauty. I feel jealous upon all good looking girls. I am not interested in my studies.

I always think of this only and also I used to blame God,  Astagfiroullah, and showed no interest in praying, due to my depressive mood I won´t attend any functions.  My depression increased as some of my marriage proposals are rejected due to my brown colour, everyone need white coloured girls. I am always rejected.

I know all these are sin, but can´t help myself. I am seeking for  help in the name of Allah.

- asmi

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24 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister

    Please do not be depressed and saddened by your looks. Each person is unique in his or her own way. Look at the people who are less fortunate then you. Alhamdullilah you were blessed- you have eyes, ears, hands. Imagine if you did'nt have these things. You should appreciate what you have and thank ALLAH for all that he's given to you.

    Look for people with similar qualities to you. You will find the right person in time. You need to build yourself esteem. If you are happy inside, then people would see you as a cheerful young lady and they would gladly accept proposals to you. Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder. People may like you for other qualities: your caring nature, good sense of humor. Those good looking girls may have other problems in their life which you may never face in yours. Everything is in Allah's will. Don't ever look down at what Allah has given you.


  2. As salamu alaykum asmi,

    Have you thought about receiving counselling? You bring forward many issues, depression is a serious issue, and I doubt the root underlies in your physical aspect. You should think about seeking for professional to help you to see what really is causing you so much distress.

    I can tell you a few things about what you are going through.

    1. We are all differents, Alhamdulillah.
    2. Your skin is a blessing, the colour of your skin is a blessing, your physical body has developed the characteristics you have to fulfill all the functions perfectly, then all your physical body, Alhamdulillah is a blessing.
    3. Don´t take anything for guarantee, I mean be grateful for what you have right now, we can loose everything in the blink of one eye, then be grateful to Allah(swt) for all your blessings.
    4. Jealousy is a blessing, because it shows to you, you have to learn about the opposite quality of it, you need to learn how to appreciate Beauty in others, for that you have to learn to see your own Beauty, this way you will reflect your own Beauty in the others, no way to feel jealous once you learn this. You can work on this, insha´Allah.
    5. You are the only one to live your life, be conscious of this.
    6. Soften your Heart surrendering to Allah(swt), through your prayers and your conscious attitude during the salat.
    7.You are a gifted, blessed person, all of us are. Focus in your Heart and let it shine, see how your smile changes and the shine of your eyes change.
    8. The person that is called to be our spouse will see your Heart, and the people that you have met till now has told you what your Heart was shouting, from now on, your Heart will talk smoothly and will say I am a blessed gifted woman ready to share the Love, Light, Compasion and Respect that flows from my Heart with the person I am called to be in this world, insha´Allah.
    9. Take care of yourself as the Precious Jewel you are. Shine as the Wonderful woman you are and allowed all of us to share your Light, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María Editor

    • Asmi, please forgive me if I was a bit harsh before, your sadness impacted me, love is a powerful healer, acceptance of who you are would be the begining of your healing, being able to love, respect and accept yourself despite anyone else´s opinion will lead you to be the woman you are called to be.

      It is normal that at some point in our life we feel we don´t like something about us , but there´s always a loving Hand telling us how important, cared, loved, respected we are, this loving Hand can be our brother and sisters that are caring about you showing their love through their words, trying to touch your Heart to react to your own Beauty, because they have seen it already.

      Yesterday, I read a beautiful article where it was pointed out how important is to submit to Allah(swt), tests will come to our life where we have no more chance than going to Him, He is the one who will wake up in you, the capability of appreciating who you are as an unique human being, different from the rest of the human beings, with qualities that can only be developed by you, with a path in life that only can be walked by you, with lessons that only can be learnt by you, then you are called to be your best as other brothers and sisters mentioned, because there is only one of you.

      Things won´t change from night to day, but I have seen lot of love through the answers you have received, I hope you have received enough love to help you to do your salat on time and you have the strength to study and take care of yourself, eat well, exercise, be conscious of the gift of being alive, watch around you, birds singing, flowers colours and smells, be grateful for what you have, you have in your hands the Key to be who you are called to be. Go step by step, you can do it, insha´Allah.

      You can have a look in is an inspirational site that will bring Light to your Heart, insha´Allah.

      Only Allah(swt) can heal all the wounds and bring Peace to our Hearts, Alhamdulillah.

      María Editor

  3. Dear asmi

    This has got nothing to do with colour skin and people need to stop thinking fairness is beauty no it isn’t. Ulhumdiallah you are here alive and well there is nothing stopping you getting proposals you just need to have confidence and improve loving yourself for who you are. I think that if you work in a hospital you soon realise and change your mind that you are who you are for a reason that allah created you that way. The influences around us are bollywood, hollywood and lollywood that make our sisters feel like this which really frustrates me that every Muslim sister I am seeing lately wants to change themselves this is very said that those sisters I know feel like this and majority of the time it is the influences of Tv, magazines etc. The personality and qualities you have are the ones you need to focus on and negatives to reflect in how you going to improve, do not get depressed it is not worth the worry. You must take time to reflect on yourself and why you feel like this. If you just be you then that will show people will like you, build on your confidence and mostly love yourself as I have seen more people go through a lot and they get by because they learnt to cope and appreciate with what they have. You shouldn’t worry everyone is different, looks beauty is not everything its what the dil (heart) looks like inside and outside.

    I wish you get through this and find a way to love yourself for what allah has given you.

    • Assalaam alaikum sister I too have this problem nobody likes me I am 28yrs old alhamdulliah Allah subhan wa taala has gave me lots of qualities but I don't get one single proposal everyone is married my friends my cousins now they started laughing at me and taunting me and now I feel very depressed sometimes I feel why I am alive why I don't die why Allah Subhan wa taala dont take my soul ...I am lonely person sometimes I think Allah Subhan wa taala don't love me alhamdulliah I recite quran sharif salat dhikr but then also Allah Subhan wa taala dont listen my prayers .....I really drowning into depression which I don't want to...

      • Asalamualaykum Hayat,

        I am so sorry you are feeling sad. It is easy to lose patience with this kind of test when you see everyone around you marrying and such. Don't worry...Allah has arranged for you to meet someone special, and if it is not meant for you, Allah has arranged for your care and sustenance such that you will be content a single woman. The fact that you have so many good qualities...perhaps the men are somewhat intimidated by you, or perhaps you are coming across as "closed." There is a way to be receptive to men's advances without appearing desperate. Try to relax the next time you meet a man, relax into the knowledge that Allah will take care of you no matter what, and that a man is just a need to be desperate for him. The right one will feel natural and won't make you feel the way you are feeling right now. He will give you love and sense of security. Just try to be patient a little longer okay sister? Try not to give up, and try to broaden your perspective on the concept of love. There is love all around us. Trees provide us shade, animals provide us something cuddly and cute to look at and give us the opportunity to love another. Other humans provide this same opportunity. Don't be so sullen that you are not putting your own love out into the world in the service of depression, because it's when you do that that you will find your heart's desire.



  4. Dear Asmi,

    "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder." So who is to say that fair skin is beautiful. Some people are attracted to fair skinned people, others to dark, some to slim, other's to the fuller figure etc. So who defines external Beauty? The media, the magazines, the tv, our culture? I'll tell you one thing now: every hot woman who appears in a magazine or on tv would not look so hot first thing in the morning with her make up removed, her hair unstraightened and her baggy t-shirt and jogging bottoms on.

    Anyhow, some women are naturally beautiful, but this is Allah's Will. Just as He(swt) has blessed some people with immense Beauty, some with with Wealth, some with Health, some with Wisdom, some with Intelligence, some with Piety, some with lots of Children, another with a Happy Marriage. Do you think that any one person has each and every one of those things? No we don't. We are all different and are unique in our own ways. We are beautiful and perfect - just simply because Allah made us and He(swt) is Perfect. There is no flaw in Allah's Creation.

    When you look in the mirror, do not look at what you wish you had. Look at all the blessings you have. You have two eyes with which you see, a nose with which to smell, a mouth to taste the beautiful foods with and to speak with, etc etc. A few weeks back, I met a young boy from Kuwait, he had come to the UK to have a facial surgery. He was fair skinned but so what - because his right eye was half way down his face, in the place that his cheek should be. The place where his right eye should be was nothing but a big lump of skin. And he walked past thousands of people before he approached me. I know a sister who can see through only one eye, but she maashAllah got married because Allah sent her a nice understanding humble husband. I know a sister who has bipolar and lost her sanity whilst pregnant, but Alhumdulillah she is still married - because Allah sent her a good husband.

    So when you feel jealous, remember this hadith: Abu Huraira reported that Allah's Messenger (saw) said: When one of you looks at one who stands at a higher level than you in regard to wealth and physical structure he should also see one who stands at a lower level than you in regard to these things (in which he stands) at a hi-her level (as compared to him).

    He(saw) also said: "Look at those who stand at a lower level than you but don't look at those who stand at a higher level than you, for this would make the favours (conferred upon you by Allah) insignificant (in your eyes).


    Sister - I do not mean to undermine your feelings. I know that when we feel down, it is like the most serious thing to us and we can't see past that point. But seriously, if you find a way to appreciate everything Allah has given you, you will be happy with the way you look too. If you are rejected solely because of your external appearance, then see this as an elimination process. Allah is sifting out the bad apples and eventually you will get someone who appreciates you for who you and what you are.

    Another point for you to consider is that real beauty is not skin deep. External beauty will fade one day, so do you really want a man to choose you for marriage due to your looks? Would you not rather a man love you for your piety and beautiful character? Those two things will inshaAllah last and will benefit you in the Hereafter aswell. Whereas External assets will leave us. Any external asset we do have is also not necessarily a blessing for us, it could be a trial aswell if misused.

    Sis, the day you start feeling happier in yourself and feeling confident, this will shine through in you and you will most definitely attract a nice husband inshaAllah.

    SisterZ Senior Editor

  5. Assalaamu alaikum dear sister asmi.

    The most beautiful thing you can have is your faith, your Islam, and your manners. Please remember this. Also who said that light skin is beautiful. Each person has their own definition of beauty, we are all different and this is a blessing from Allah swt.

    Allah swt gives certain blessings to whoever He wills. He may have given others immense beauty, but this can easily lead to arrogance and ostentation. Please sister say Alhumdulilah and smile. Look to those who have less than you, rather than those with more. Ask Allah swt to save you from jealously and to make you happy with yourself. Ask Allah swt to make you beautiful in countenance and beautiful in manners.

    It seems you are lacking in confidence - a few proposal rejections does not mean you are not beautiful. Tell yourself each day that Allah swt has made you beautiful. These are called positive affirmations.

    Also know that the grass is greener on the other side dear sister. I have met many beautiful girls who wish they were not so beautiful. It has let some of them to unwanted attention, to harm from other jealous women, to many proposals (for the wrong reasons). Also if you dont pray, please do start praying. It will bring you closer to Allah swt and change your life!! Those people with stronger deen are always more beautiful inwardly and outly.

    These feelings are not because you are not beautiful, but stem from your own insecurities. Its how you FEEL about yourself. I have also met some pretty sister convinced they are ugly or average-weight sisters convinced they are fat. So know that these feelings come from yourself. Remind yourself daily of the blessing that Allah has bestowed on you. Look at your good points.
    Do you have nice eyes? or a nice smile?
    More importantly Are you kind and loving? Remember that the latter 2 (manners and personality) are what any good worthy Muslim brother would be more interested in in a wife. Looks fade.

    I pray that you find happiness and peace within yourself.
    Sara Editor

  6. Assalamu Alikum Warahmathallahi Wabarkathuhu,

    To be honest sis, a religious man would be seeking to marry a religious spouse regardless of her colour. Its doesent matter what you look like, the colour of your skin BUT since you're religious, its not a problem sis.

    Maybe you haven't found the perfect spouse yet, maybe Allah(swt) has better plans for you..You just have to put your trust in Him and hope for the Best. sis, i used to also get jealous of other pretty looking girls around me..and think why am i the only one wearing hijab?
    But you know what sis? I have one thing they love for Allah(swt) is greater then theirs..I know my religion is the truth but yet they remain blinded.

    In due time sis, you will get married to good religious man isnhallah who will loved for who you are!
    You know Allah(swt) does not judge the colour of your skin but the content of your character.

    Dont worry Sis, I love you for the sake of Allah(swt) so not everybody hates you.
    And remember Allah(swt) loves you so much more than that of your mother.

    Hope this helps.

  7. The posters above have pretty much covered everything mashallah, so I will just leave a short comment.

    I first of all would like to say that I understand how you feel. Because I am 23 and have lost 70% of my hair. And I know how it feels. But at the end of the day, we can only resort to patience and look at people who are below us in terms of physical beauty.

    The questions that we normally ask are, "Do people like me? Does this boy like me? Does this girl like me?" We constantly look for approval from others. Getting approval has become such a disease that you will now find it everywhere. Take the example of 'LIKE" thing. It is in facebook, in youtube, in blogs--everywhere. We write a single line status, people like it, and we become happy. In the process, our intention gets corrupted.

    To keep our intention pure and our spirit up, we should rather ask, "Do I have the approval of Allah? Am I living a life only to get His approval? If the Messenger of Allah were alive today, would he have liked me?"

    If the answer is YES, be happy, and keep it up. If the answer is NO, try to work to make Allah happy with you.

    If Allah is pleased with us, Allah will make people like you. If Allah is displeased with us, He will make people dislike you. Look at Abu Bakr (RA). We love him. We have not even seen him. Yet if today someone says anything derogatory about him, our heart aches in pain. Why? Because Abu Bakr (RA) gained the pleasure of Allah, and thus in turn, Allah has placed the love for Abu Bakr (RA) in our hearts.

    So, try to earn the pleasure of Allah. In turn Allah, the controller of hearts, will put love for you in the hearts of people.

    • SubhanAllah totally agree - its so easy to get caught up in what others think about forget about Allah swt's approval.
      May Allah swt give us all the best intention and help us to strive to gain His approval, rather than that of others.

  8. Assalamu Aleikum Sis,

    Oh my god, show me one woman who loves her physical appearance. She wasn't born yet.

    In terms of beauty: I know many beautiful people and I think I'm a bit like them myself , who are

    shallow and competitive. A beautiful person defines herself by beauty and will never accept a

    physical flaw. Never. Beautiful people are often and almost always shallow, jealous and play pranks

    on each other. Look at all supermodels: They spend huge amounts of money on their looks, including

    hair for extensions, wigs, need diets to keep themselves in shape and if one woman gets more attention

    than them, they have doubts and their self-worth is hurt. A few pounds more, a few strands of hair

    away, and voilà : The crisis is there. Believe me, beautiful people are never satisfied, they are in a constant

    competition with others. And they're going to lose the battle. We will all become old and ugly, nobody

    can stop the aging process. Every man out there knows subconciously that his wife can never be the

    most beautiful. She will become old. And by the way: Beauty exists in abundance. You can never have

    the most beautiful one. So why should we make all the fuss about beauty?

    Jealousy is a disease and almost all of us have it. It can be quite frustrating when people are constantly

    jealous of you, try to distract your husband and play pranks on you. Beautiful people are always in the

    center as Sister Z wrote very well, they get unwanted attention and jealous people will always try to

    find flaws in you. I couldn't finish my studies a few years ago coz the women in my environment started

    to terrorize me by picking on me in front of the guys, backbiting and showing aggressive behaviour.

    I have learnt in the meantime that I just shouldn't care about all of this. But as a young sensitive girl, you can

    lose confidence quite easily. I think that most of the people are average-looking. It is also a question of

    definition. I have always pitied my Iranian relatives for their great middle-Eastern thick hair. They, in return,

    got nose-jobs to have a European small nose like me. What's beauty my Sister? In the West, people spend

    time in the sun to be tan and pretty like J-Low. In the Middle-East, they have skin whitening creams to look

    like the blond women. Every country has its own beauty ideal. If your problem is just your complexion,

    well, then you are beautiful and don't know it yourself. Nobody's perfect, by the way: I give you a few criteria,

    and if they apply to you, well, then you're good-looking.

    1) Are you slim?
    2) Is your skin pure?
    3) Do you have beautiful eyes you can stress with an eye-liner?
    4) Do you love perfumes?
    5) Do you love smiling?

    Then you're beautiful. It's not difficult with the right styling like Sister Z wrote. Believe in yourself,

    and don't care about the others. At the end of the day, true beauty comes from inside. The significant

    part of you is invisible for the eyes.

    I wish you good luck; Men aren't flawless themselves, why would they want us to be perfect?

    Find a good brother who isn't shallow. And then you'll be happy.



    • Very interesting thoughts on the subject of beauty and its subjectivity and superficiality. Thank you.

      Wael Editor

    • Asalaamualaykum Dear Jannah,

      Just wanted to point out, some of those good points you have accredited to myself were actually made by Sara, not moi :O) x

      SisterZ Senior Editor

  9. I can't help but is there a hidden irony in your comment dear Brother Wael?

  10. Thank you

  11. Whilst entertaining the kids, I just watched this song and I couldnt help but think of this post. It is kind of relevant (well I think anyway :O). Its also cute and will throw into this deep discussion some light heartedness, some smiles and a few giggles :O)

    SisterZ Senior Editor

  12. I kinda know what u feel, im not muslim though, but i totally understand u. Also seeking an solution, but remember never give up.

  13. first of all i am telling u sorry to all.... aftr i submitted my question i used to check it everyday. but i was not gettin any answers, thats y i was not opening this again...
    thanking u everyone,, who tried to understand my feelings...
    but u know iam still with same mind... it may be due to what i hav seen from my childhood itself.. i know a lot of sisters who r not got married as they r not beautiful including my cousine( she is now 33)... so that my mind was trained that people dont like them who r not beautiful.. whenever i shared this feeling to anybody they used to make fun of me by tellig u r mad... i hav tried many other ways to give up this feeling. but this inferiority complex is deep rooted.
    i know i have beautiful eyes, smile, face etc... but the thought is that i need fair skin eventhough i know its a foolish thought..
    as i am looking facts through this window iam estimating the every negatives in my life is due to this..
    i cant control such negative thoughts.. i dont want any more beauty or anything, but iam fearing Allah will hate me for being unhappy with his will... at the time of such negative feelings my mind fills with thinkings against Allah...
    thanking u all again... i wish Allah to forgive me... pray for me....
    asalamu alaikum....

    • Walaykum as salam, asmi,

      Thank you very much for sharing.

      So nice to know about you, you have received such beautiful answers, they may have a stronger impact in you than you think.

      We use to get angry with our most loved ones, until we realize they are not guilty of our own process and we try to solve our conflicts instead of punishing others not giving them our Love.
      You need that anger to grow up and try to solve your conflicts.

      You cannot control them but you can transform them in positive thoughts.

      Everytime a negative word comes to you, look for other one in positive, you can do this as a game.

      See what happens, go to the roots.

      I will pray for you, insha´Allah.

      All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

      María Editor

  14. (Wael's Note: later tonight I'll create a user registration for this brother and submit his question as a separate post, Insha'Allah. Just leave the comment unpublished until then).

    I'm also little depressed by now.When I was 14 years old I was the most beautiful boy trust me.I still remember people turning their heads on road to see me.My eyes were hazel.My color was enriched with noor and white color,my looks were perfect.Trust me I was very very beautiful.

    Now I'm 18.My face color is dull now.My eyes have been fainted.My cheeks are so thick and rough.I'm not saying that I'm ugly.But I don't know what's happening.People who watched me after many years have weird expressions about my face and they say what I have done to my face.Everyone is saying that you are not Yousaf that you were once used to be.That is making me so sad.

    Apart from this I would like to tell that I'm cut off from Islam.I have fear of Allah in my heart.But I didn't even remember the last prayer I offered to Allah.

    Some people telling me that I'm rude to my mother that's your face is becoming ugly.
    However I have never even touched a girl once.I do every thing with justice.I care for people and help them to solve their problems..

    According to me,Allah is extremely angry on me 🙁 🙁 🙁 He is taking my looks back 🙁 🙁 🙁

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