Is it too early to consider love and marriage at the age of 20?
Is it too early?
Asalam alikum
I need some advice about marriage, I have been in a relationship with a man from for the last 3 1/2 years.
I am 20 years old and still in education, I also hope to go to university in the future.
I have mentioned it to my mother that I want to get married and have someone in mind, but she does not take much notice of what I am trying to say!
She says that I am young and immature and have my whole life ahead of me yet and that is just childish love. And that I will regret my decision by marrying the person that I want as it is not the person she has chosen for me and that our love will only last a few days because it happened before marriage and only true love happens after marriage. But I am sure that I want to marry this man and spend the rest of my life with him but I want to do it in a halal way (marriage).
I do not want to lose the man that I love but I can not hurt my parents. What shall I do?
~ kizzi
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as-salaam-u-alaikum-wr-wb.. you just never know whether you'll be in the situation that your mum believes or whether you'll be in the opposite.. so it's best to do Istikhara & ask Allah *swt* for guidance..
First things first, In Islam it is totally forbidden to have a relationship with non-mahram or any men. Pre-marriage relationship is totally haram. So to start with, YOU HAVE SINNED. Now stop all communications with this man and leave him. Then beg Allah to forgive you for the sins you have committed. And never get back to it. Because for every sins there is a horizontal and vertical consequences which will haunt you sometime later in your life. Fear Allah and his severe punishments and dont be in a relationship again and be a practcing good muslimah.
Imagine if you dont get to married to him and instead you marry some other man and you later found out that your "husband" once had a lover in his college. How would you feel ? And vice versa. Everyone should try to be pure till marriage.
Secondly, I might support your mum's word "childish love", because you were in this relationship at the age of 16 and half. Thats child age. Immature, ignorant, emotional, innocent and oblivious.
Thirdly, its never too early to get married. I have many friends who got married at 19, 20 etc and they're fine alhamdullilah. They did so in order to stay away from sins and fitnah. So you are right in wanting to get married and make it halal as soon as possible. But you have to remain patient as well.
You have to sit down with your parents and tell them about your desires to get married. Convince them etc. Tell them about that man you have been seeing and if that man comes to your home to talk to your father then great. If your parents accept him, get married right away. If they deny him, then leave everything at the hands of Allah and dont do anything absurd. Like suicide, runing away, zina etc etc. Obey your parents. Stay within the limits of islam. Have patience and Allah will insha'Allah send you the right great rightious man as your husband. Do not haste. Once your parents deny him, or he doesn't come to your home then never be in contact with that man again. This will only lead to evil roads. Leave him for good and observe hijab. Dont make anymore relationships. If you want your marriage life to be blessed, peacefull and happy then make your pre-marriage life halaal and obey your parents. If its haraam then expects great tests and trials after you marry. May Allah guide you, have mercy on you.
Wa'alaykumSalam *
assalamalaikum-
Three things you should not delay
It is reported that Al-Ahnaf b. Qays – Allâh have mercy on him – said:
“Restraint is praiseworthy except in three things.
” People asked, “And what are they o Abû Bahr?” He replied,
“Make haste to do the righteous deed, hurry to conduct the funeral of your deceased, and
marry the girl in your charge to a suitable man [as soon as you find him.]”
Abû Bakr Al-Daynûrî, Al-Mujâlasah wa Jawâhir Al-’Ilm 6:307.
SO MARRY GIRL SOON IS HELD AS THE AGE WHEN SHE REACHES PUBERTY THEN THE THE BOY MUST BE AROUND 18 T0 20 YEARS
SO THERE IS NO AGE IN ISLAM FOR MARRIAGE IF ANY GOVT MAKES IT IS IS DUE TO SOME POLICIES OF POPULATION CONTROL ETC ETC-