Married behind his parent’s back
Please help me to understand. I met my Algerian husband online over two years ago. We recently went to Tunisia, and married there, in a registry office under Islamic law, we had a wonderful after ceremony, with my family and friends.
I am older than my husband, and due to health reasons, I am unable to have children. we are so much in love, and will be moving to Tunisia very soon, to begin our married life together, I need to sell my mum’s house due to her recent passing away, this is the only reason we are not together right now.
The problem is, my husband is frightened to tell his family about me and that we are married, he says because I am older and can’t have children, they will try to stop us been together, also, I am a Christian and not Muslim. My husband is the sweetest, kindest man I have ever met in my life, and we absolutely adore each other. I just feel so uncomfortable about his family not knowing. I don’t understand how they could "stop" our marriage??
My husband says he will tell them, as soon as we have a date to leave and be together, my heart broke when he came on webcam the day after I arrived back in England, and wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, please help me to understand all this, after reading posts on here, I understand why he didn’t tell them before, as it isn’t right to have girlfriend/boyfriend in Islam..But I really don’t understand this situation I am in now, thank you to all who respond.
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Assalamu alaykum Sister,
You met the guy online and chose to marry, I believe you must have checked up well how he was.
To love someone, be with someone, walk and talk with some, flirt and be romantic and kind with a woman, is all easy, trust me, it is not hard.
Hard is to marry her, live with her, earn a living, run a family, bring up kids, fulfill obligations towards God, one's self, family, relatives and to mankind in general.
If this guy is able to do so, it would be nice, Alhamdulillaah.
Please take care that his love for you is genuinely for "you" and not lust after your money, body or any other benefits. If this is the case that he is after other things as "secret intetions" his truth will shine in some time, Insha Allah.
He should tell his family, afterall marriage is Islam is to "proclaim" to society that you are married. When you marry alone, God knows that you married, but how will the society the people know it? How will they know that this is not adultery but a marriage where two people are committed to each other?
Islamic marriage demands proclamation of marriage, to marry a woman in honor and not to keep her as a secret concubine.
Get straight to the point with this guy.
Romancing and adoring is easy, living life facing realities is hard. If you are older than him and the difference is significant and you cannot give him kids, Allah knows best, if he truly loves you, he will remain loyal, but if not, I doubt if he would go for younger girls as we have many sisters here who have written about their "young" husbands acting immaturely, living on their money and enjoying life and these sisters still working hard to make them feel at ease and loved.
My message is more of a warning to you. Though I trust Allah and hope it may not be bad for you even 1%, but as a Muslim, I believe it is best to warn you in advance so that you may also know how true and committed this young man is. And Allah knows the secrets of every heart, so trust Him.
I also advise you to take some time out from life and read the Qur'an, see how Islam is, of course it is interests you, but for your well being in the Hereafter, on the Day of Ressurection as we Muslims and Christians both believe it, my advice to you is take up Qur'an and read, Insha Allah and see if it provokes some thoughts in you, about life, about your existence, about your purpose and your actions and your intentions and your beginining and your end and Insha Allah then decide for yourself a way ahead.
I hope this helps.
Do not be depressed, pray to Allah/God and He will help, Insha Allah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
As salamu alaykum, sister Mysstiko,
You have married secretly, he maybe forced to divorce by his family, this can be a fact. I am deeply hurt listening to you, sounds to me you already felt the ice in your heart when you saw him without the ring.
Sister, internet sells us an illusion, he can be the best of all men around earth, but he is not living with you, he is not having a healthy relationship with you, at the end when you sell your house and you go there with him, you will be alone, he waits to talk because he knows the answers and he won´t risk his relationship with his family to be with you, he has done everything secretly and still mantains you in secret, he is not proud of you or of being with you, he is not facing this relationship as a man, less as a muslim man.
There is a straight code of conduct that muslim men should follow to approach a woman to marry, he hasn´t followed it.
Please, be cautious, you are going to have a considerable amount of money in your hand and he knows about it, please be cautious, don´t be blind and be cold headed, he may not be interested on you, he may have other kind of interests, you mention you are older and cannot have children, please, misstyko, think twice before leaving everything behind and jumping to a place where you won´t have anyone and anything familiar to help you in case you get lost, God forbids.
Love is not passion, love is made through real life, day by day, you think he cares being on the computer for you, this is not love, be careful, please. What is he giving to you? He didn´t even give you the right to be his wife as it is commanded.
Be cautious please, I wouldn´t trust this man.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu Alaikum;
I am a revert muslimah and I have almost the same problem as the questioner above. I was married to an arab man which is 13yrs my junior. We are living together as husband and wife and he is supporting me with everything I need even I am also earning a living. All his friends and our colleagues knows our marriage but his parents still did not know about us. Every time he will go vacation his parents would find a girl for him to get engage and he keep on refusing telling them he is not yet ready. He told me that he will tell them on the right time insha'Allah. He is asking me to be patient as he had to tell them soon. I am waiting for that moment and insha'Allah everything will be in the right place in Allah's appointed time.
Maryam,
Salam alaikum my sister!
You almost identically described my situation! Except my husband is 4 yrs older than me and already has a wife, who is living with their kids in his parents home in his home town. Also mine keeps telling me he will informing them 'when the time is right'. My dear sis, can I ask in which country you're living with him?
We are living in Egypt, at the Red Sea, his family lives in a city along the Nile....
Wa Alaikum assalam,
We are living in the UAE sister. I am hoping and praying that we will be able to survive the pressure and ask Allah ta'ala to touch his parents hearts that they may able to accept our marriage. I know there is no impossibilities if Allah wills it. And I fully trust Allah Ta'ala about this matters. Insha'Allah.