Islamic marriage advice and family advice

16 and Everyone Dislikes Me

bird signs of Allah

"Have they not looked at the birds above them, with wings outspread and folded back? Nothing holds them up but the All-Merciful. He sees all things." (Surat al-Mulk: 19)

Asalumailkum

I am a 16 year old girl and I am so lost and stuck with my life. I have so many problems I want to solve but I have nobody and I mean NOBODY to help me (Not even family and friends). I am a practicing Muslim and I pray 5 times a day regularly. I am grateful for everything Allah has blessed me with alhamdullilah and thank him all the time in my prayers.

I basically I feel like everybody around me hates me and doesn't like me and I am not worthy of anything. I even feel I am not worthy of living anymore and I want to commit suicide so so badly but I can't because I know I will go to jahannam and I do not want to disobey allah. I feel like everybody would be much happier without me.
People and my friends always deny this by I can easily tell when someone doesn't want me near them or just doesn't like me around them. My friends don't make it obvious they dislike me but I just know by there close action and what they say that they hate me.

Also years ago I used to talk to this boy and I was very mean to him. I never meant to be very mean and rude and I realized it was such a big mistake and I asked Allah to forgive me. The year after I tried to say sorry to him for what I did so he can forgive me but he never saw it as saying sorry and thought I was harassing him. Now he is scared to go to school because of me and feel uncomfortable around me.

He was also the boy I happened to have 'liked' and I am keen on marrying this boy because the fact he is a religious boy and inspired me to become more religious. And I know girlfriend and boyfriend is haraam so I stay away from that. But, I want to marry this boy and I really really do but I feel like I by accident ruined his life. I am scared he won't want to marry me as well which is unusual because I am still considered a kid. I always try and approach this kind of stuff the Islamic way. He doesn't know about this, although people might have suspected and told him. This is an example of how I do nothing but make things worst for everybody even though my intentions weren't that bad. I can never make things nice......I can never be a good person with a good personality no matter how hard I try.

I am nervous wreck and I committed self harm before because I felt like it.

And I can never even do prayer correctly. I always have to start my prayer and dua again because an evil thought comes to my mind without me intending to think something evil. It is sort of like someone whispering things into my minds and controlling me. This drives me crazy.

I always try my best to live an Islamic lifestyle and have intentions of becoming a good Muslim women in the future with a career, having a good marriage life where my husband and I work to become closer to Allah and becoming a good mum and friend. Basically I want become a women of good character and want Allah firstly to see it and then everybody else.

But I just know I will never be a good person and always be a bad, useless, careless and ruthless person nobody wants. I don't know how to fix this. I am truly depressed and cry everyday because of how I feel.

- aysha

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8 Responses »

  1. Assalam wa Alikum sister

    I think it is great that you want to better yourself and I hope you keep learning about Islam and that it brings you peace.

    If you really want to be a good person then you must show kindness to yourself first so please when you have negative thoughts about yourself then quickly come up with positive thoughts and say them out load in your mind, for example when you think about how bad you treated this boy then also think about how you tried hard to seek his forgiveness, it doesn't matter that he did not understand you as you sincerely felt bad and tried to ask forgiveness. I think you should also ask forgiveness from Allah if you haven't already and stay away from him as you know boyfriend and girlfriend relationship are haram. Also say to yourself people like as I have friends who spend and make time for me.

    You mentioned that you have to start you prayer and dua again because an evil thought comes into your mind without you intending it to and you think something evil. The whispering things into your mind. This is Shayṭān whispering but Alhamdulillah that you don't let it stop you doing your salah (prayer). I found the following things helped me:
    1) research how to do wudu properly encase you have done a mistake as you would not get the benefit of Salah (prayer) if you don't
    2) Read surah Al-Falaq and An-Nas and their meaning and learn them of by heart properly with Tajweed and say them before you start your Salah (prayer)
    3) Read surah Al-Ikhlas and its meaning and learn this surah of by heart properly with Tajweed and say the meaning in your head as you recite it in your Salah (prayer). This Surah is important as it makes it clear who is Allah and what he is not, "Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One, Allah, the Eternal Refuge, He neither begets nor is born, Nor is there to Him any equivalent." knowing and believing how great Allah is helps as you will believe that Allah can and will protect us as when we pray
    4) Learn some of Allah's 99 names, the will give you comfort and strengthen your Iman

    I don't know if any of these will help you and I hope others here would give you some advice, inshaaAllah you find peace

  2. My darling sister;
    I hope you are in better spirits now after reading the post below;
    All I can say is to me you seem like a very beautiful person; and 16 years old is a very hard time in anyone's life; it's time you try and find out who you are as a person; and it is also a time when your friends or the people around you do things that you know is wrong or forbidden to you as a muslim; but it makes you think and question your self; for example having a relationship; but look at your self you stayed away from this; your life seems to revolve around Allah and pleasing him which shows in your post; may Allah make things easy for you; Ameen. As for the evil thoughts well that's just Satan trying to take you away from Allah and your deen; but you have never given up and please never do; Satan will do his best to distory your Imaan as your a god fearing person who wants to get closer to Allah; and do things in accordance to pleasing him; Satan does this to all the pious people this his way of killing our imaan; always remember how merciful our Lord is; and how much he loves us; he created each and everyone of us he knows what is in our hearts; so always ask him for forgiveness and his help; Allah tests all the people he loves; to see what we will do; will we say this is Allah's fault and stop trusting him and bit by bit go away from him; or will we say ya Allah I trust you alone and this is my test from you help me over come your test and with your help I know I can overcome anything; Allah loves those who ask his help; remember if you walk towards Allah; Allah will run towards you; things can be hard trust me I've had to overcome so much; and I am still going through the hardest tests of my life; but I have trust and faith in my lord and I know whatever the out come is Allah will do what's best for me. Sometimes we dont think that what we are going through is fair but trust your lord; he will remove the bad and replace it with something wonderful in your life. I don't know where you live or where your from but in Birmingham in the UK we have a sisters group every Friday there are sisters who help you and advice you with everything you are going through and how best to deal with it using your faith; your religion; try and ask at your local mosque if there is such a group; one you will make true friends; and secondly you will learn more about islam; and thirdly you will get closer to Allah. As for the boy ask Allah to remove him from your thoughts; and if he is written for you from Allah than you will be married to him; if not Allah will replace him with someone that is the best for you; who brings out the best in you; who makes you closer to Allah. You asked for his forgiveness that's all that matters. Never think your alone; Allah is aways with you each and every step of the way; always ask Allah for help; guidance; and to bring you closer to him.
    The surah's and advice mentioned in the post below are very good; try and learn them; also before going to bed ask Allah for help; and first thing in the morning start your day in the name of Allah and end your day with the name of Alllah; things will get better for you In Sha Allah; trust Allah.
    May Allah make things easy for you and help you overcome your tests. Ameen.

  3. Salaam Sister Aysha,

    I understand how you feel because at one point in my life I was also a nobody but I worked on improving myself. I learned from other people and from youtube videos and by readings books on ways to improve myself.

    No matter how you are now, there is a way to become better and improve your personality. When you improve your personality then people will start to notice you and respect you more. You just need to be strong and keep working on yourself.

    I suggest you read a few books and it will help to improve yourself.

    The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane
    How to Win friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

    May Allah give you Peace.

  4. Dear Sister Aysha,

    at reading your post i have developed only one idea that you are too much negative towards your self. you keep saying you cannot become a good person whereas you already are a good person. At an age of 16 girls and boys normally go doing things they are not supposed to do but for you, you are trying to be a person that Allah loves so then why do you think so much negative. The teenage is normally supposed to be a very confusing age in which a person can land up to any of the one extremes (either positive or negative) some children feel they are the ones who know everything and what they do is right and some children think that they are not worthy of anyone or anything, this all comes from the environment around you as you take it, if you keep taking things negative then i am afraid it will remain with you forever. since you are a religious girl, you should have faith and trust in Allah because He has never created anything in this world which is useless. you also have a purpose which you have to recognize. read Ahadeeth that will boost up you eeman and will remove your negative thoughts.
    sometimes too much of something can also create this kind of attitude in a person, don't force your self in practicing Islam in such a level that you start developing these thoughts and then at end get tired and leave it, be easy on yourself and slowly progress in deen. its ok to sometimes laugh with friends, go out with family and enjoy and to do things that you are found of. I am pretty sure that once you cross 19 you are going to laugh at your self while remembering all of this. try picking up positive points from people around you.
    as for that boy, ok you must have been rude to him but do remember that you yourself was not so big and mature enough to understand how to deal with people, what happens in his life is destined for him and no one can do anything except Allah so ask Allah forgiveness of your behavior and pray for the boy to be able to achieve goodness of this world and the after and if you want to know if he is the right person for you to start a family with then do Istikhara, place you trust in Allah and wait. If Allah wills and knows this boy is best for you then He will turn things around in your favor and if this boy is not worthy of you then also have faith and trust In Allah that he will turn things away from you for your good. (Inshallah).
    take care

  5. The Prophet once offered the prayer and said, "Satan came in front of me and tried to interrupt my prayer, but Allah gave me an upper hand on him and I choked him. No doubt, I thought of tying him to one of the pillars of the mosque till you get up in the morning and see him. Then I remembered the statement of Prophet Solomon, 'My Lord ! Bestow on me a kingdom such as shall not belong to any other after me.' Then Allah made him (Satan) return with his head down (humiliated Narrated Abu Huraira

    .Allah's Apostle said, "During your sleep, Satan knots three knots at the back of the head of each of you, and he breathes the following words at each knot, 'The night is long, so keep on sleeping,' If that person wakes up and celebrates the praises of Allah, then one knot is undone, and when he performs ablution the second knot is undone, and when he prays, all the knots are undone, and he gets up in the morning lively and gay, otherwise he gets up dull and gloomy. Narrated Abu Huraira:

  6. Asc sis.
    I pray Allah helps you and guides your heart and grant you all the happiness that you want.
    16 is a difficult age to be. It's an age where you are sort of growing into the person that you are if that makes sense. Don't worry about who likes you and who don't. Just focus on being your self. Grow in confidence, find out who you really are and then the right people will come to your life. The biggest advice I would give you is not to be a follower. Friends can be your destruction because when you are around the wrong people it leads you to do things that you don't want to. Make sure you always do what will please Allah and not your friends. And if you find that your friends are doing the wrong things, just leave them. I know it's easier Said then done but always try to please Allah and Allah will please you too. At 16 you pretty much have your life ahead of you in sh Allah so just enjoy this journey and take it step by step. Remember to pray for the things you want and be grateful for the things you have ❤️ Hope this help. xx

  7. Salam alaikum dear sister,

    You do not know it now because you are so young, but there is one day that you will learn to love yourself, inshAllah. It is no matter if you have a million friends or just one, as long as you love yourself and Allah swt. One day you will open your eyes to what a beautiful Muslimah He made you to be, and you will look back and laugh at yourself now. Just imagine, Allah swt does not make things for no purpose. You do not need to know the purpose of your life every moment, but you need to keep perspective. This life is just a game, and the better you get at this game, the more prepared you will be for the real life in the Hereafter, inshAllah.

    So keep your chin up sister and celebrate life without physical pain, without natural disaster, without fear for safety, without poverty, hunger, and thirst. Alhamdulilah! May Allah swt guide your thoughts and actions to the straight path with more ease, ameen. Alhamdulilah these struggles with Shaitan are small mind games that you can simply win by ignoring. Alhamdulilah for every breath you breathe because it means that Allah swt has mercy to help you get one more chance to enter Janat. Alhamdulilah for how Allah swt made sister Aysha a miracle every day of her life.

    Shereen

  8. Sister,

    stop hating yourself and find better friends.

    Being a teenager sucks. I hated high school too. I just started wearing the hijab, and i am in a non muslim country- and guess what- I had no friends after.

    So, i just had lunch alone, and after went to the library and read and did my homework. I had a terrible time with group work because i had no large group of friends to support me- but you know what- its the best thing that ever happened to me.

    Being alone and happy is better than having friends that dont care about you.

    Also, you need to love yourself- wake up and the morning and say good things about you- and just tell yourself that you dont care what other people think. There will always be people that dont like you and you cant let that effect you.

    Just keep yourself busy, read, learn, educate yourself, go to the masjid and meet other sisters, and dont let highschool drama get to you.

    Trust me, beyond highschool, is a much better world where there is less pressure to fit in and find a group of friends, and all that rubbish.

    Be yourself and true friends will come your way.

    AND most importantly- if you hate yourself- people can see that. If you are happy, confident, and feel like you are an interesting person- than people see that. But if you hide in a corner and feel Man noobody likes me- thats just a poor attitude that everyone can see.

    Sister, you need an attitude shift. Its not about other people. Stop thinking about others. Just focus on you. Love you, heal you, and take care of yourself.

    I like how you said i want to be a good muslim woman in the future- well - this is your now sister, work on your now-your behaviour now impacts you as an adult. Change how you feel about yourself this moment. You are beautiful, you are lovable, you are worth it, and you are good. Allah made us all good, nobbody is bad.

    Take care of youself, and dont give a flying patowie about what anyone else thinks. Be good at being alone and happy and true friends will come along.

    Cheers,
    Samira

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