Boyfriend demands that I have an abortion before he will marry me
This is the typical development of a 30-week old fetus. The fetus is usually capable of living outside the womb and would be considered premature at birth.
Assalamu 'alaikum...
Sisters and brothers... I am getting pregnant for 8 weeks now. And my boyfriend asking me to remove the baby by his doctor... and after this he promise me to marry me. Shall I believe him... or I keep this baby with a lot of risk and responsibility...
The reason of he want to remove the baby is because I am not from the same country with him. So he doesnt want i took the baby with me and he can not take the baby with him because our relationship is behind his family knowing.
I've been with him for almost two years and half... and he got engaged with one of his relative before 5 months... so what should i do with this...
Every night I cried and asking Allah to forgive me and give me the way.... I am so depressed! if I go to my country with my pregnant without him... what i should tell to my family....
Dear Sisters and Brothers... He promised to marry me but without his parent knowing... and the marriage will be held in my country by real married. But I have to remove the baby first... Im worried that when I do whatever he asked me... and he might be run away and leave me... and at the end I am the one will be the loser. I told him about it, and he keep swearing by Allah name also Quran that he will do it when we didnt have haram baby in my stomach. Even I recorded his promise that his going to marry me after this.
I dont know what should i do with this situation... please advice me so I can decide what I can do with my problem... I dont want to feel guilty and regret when I do something wrong in my life as I did right now...
Please Dear Sisters and Brothers... Iam really depressed!!!
Wassalam
- Fawziah
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dont trust him. He is already engaged to someone else & he doesnt want his family to know about u. do u want to live as a secret wife? he will probably be spending more time with his "real wife".
if he really loved u & wanted to be with u then he would speak to his parents, & not get engaged to someone else in the meantime, which he did.
is he the father of the baby ? i think by this time doing an abortion will be a big sin. what about ur parents? do they know everything?
no, dont trust this guy. he will ruin ur life. leave him
My Sister,
I am so sorry for this pain and agony that you are going through. You are experiencing a great deal of stress, shock, panic and hormonal changes that will accelerate all of the bad feelings, so the first thing to do is to take very deep breaths and calm down, relax, take your time: don't worry - the world is not ending at all, it will only feel that way for a short time, until you have accepted the situation.
You have nothing to fear. You must think of yourself as on your own, responsible for your own decisions and don't do anything because of anyone else OK? The boy is free to marry you at any stage he wants so ignore his panicking. He is operating in a way that will protect his reputation, but his reputation means nothing to Allah, and nothing to the child in your stomach and nothing to you inshaAllah.
Whatever you do: don't rush into a decision until you are clear headed. A lot of the time with unexpected and unplanned pregnancy, the females is rushed at high speed into a decision before she has had time to think it through - so please don't rush your decision and please try to stop yourself from panicking. You are in an emotionally vulnerable place right now and its not the best time to make such decisions.
First and foremost you have to ask yourself, if this boy was not pressuring you, and your parents promised to take care of you: would there be a problem? Probably, no. There would be no problem. The problem is not the child in your stomach, but the reactions of people around you and your imagination about what people would think / say and so on. So you must detach yourself from what other people want and decide for yourself what you want.
The truth is, no matter how bad you imagine things will be - most of the time families deal with it. They find a way to accept the unexpected and they live with the consequences with love and with kindness. Mothers and father's mostly love their children very much and do not seek any harm to come to them. When a screaming little bundle falls into their arms: everyone forgets the bad stuff. I have seen it many many times over, the sense of joy that comes with a newborn.
There a lot of myths surrounding unmarried women with child: but women with children get married, they have jobs, they have lives, they have love: they can have everything that other women have - it's just a matter of attitude.
Abortion is no mild affair - it is a very traumatising process that affects everyone involved. It is not a decision you can undo and after the initial temporary relief, many females report massive feelings of loss, regret and guilt over it. It hurts, it takes a long time to heal and it is not a nice procedure. Many people think of abortion as a word, like some kind of treatment: but it is a very traumatic process that no one should ever feel that they have to endure.
Having a child is a great responsibility, but I have never met a mother who says she wished she didn't have her child. I have not met a mother who is not head over heels in love with her son or daughter regardless of how that son or daughter came to be - out of wedlock, in wedlock: it is very rare for a mother to regret her child. Abortion, on the other hand, carries massive doubts, pains, anxieties and health risks which stay for life.
If your life is in danger, if pregnancy out of wedlock threatens your life in some way - then abortion is permissible.
If it is your reputation, your family, the opinions of others, for the sake of another or anything else - don't do it. If you make a decision to keep other people happy, you will grow to hate them, resent them and the day will come when you are older, and wiser and wish that you had not done it.
Allah is the one to fear: not any one, or anything else.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
Mashallah great answer from Leyla
"NO BABY IN THE WORLD IS HARAM" Every baby is born without any sin. So please keep the baby and look for a muslim brother who would be more then willing to take care of you and the baby. WHY WOULD YOU REMOVE A BABY JUST BECAUSE IT IS NOT THE SAME COUNTRY AS YOUR BOYFRIEND. And not to forget that having a boyfriend in islam is haram relationship. I hope i haven't caused you anymore pain then you already have.
Allah Knows Best
KEEP THE BABY IT IS A MAJOR SIN TO STOP THAT BABBY FOM BREATHING ONLY ALLAH CAN DO THAT IF U KILL IT ULL B THE LOSER that is urrrrrr baby nobody can change that but ur man can belong to any woman anytime he is not urs and when he decides to leave u cant stop him
Very well said by Leyla,
U should keep ur baby,,
IT WILL TAKE SOME TIME TO RECOVER FROM THIS PAINS BUT SLOWLY EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE
U JUST TAKE CARE OF URS N UR BABY
ALLAH HAFIZ
ALLAH KNOWS BEST
THE MOST MERCIFUL AND GRACEFUL
I understand that you are hurt and going through alot of pain, that baby deserves to live and to grow. You shouldnt stop that from happening. And you really should be thinking about your baby not about this man who is playing with your mind telling you to get rid of the baby then he will marry you ???? that dosnt soud right. You should talk to him and tell him Look i want nothing to do with you anymore because of the fact that you want me to kill our baby! tell him that you want nothing from him and that you will take care of this baby on your own, and if he wants to marry you and if he loves you he will do so on his own. Stick to what is right!
I hope you make the right decision, May Allah be with you
dear sister, i feel like he is emotionally blackmailing you, altough i don't kow too much on this type of behavior. i read somewhere that if somebody makes a demad with a threat, then it's emotional blackmail. so if he is saying, abort the baby then i will marry you, it is emotional blackmail. i don't know what his intentions are. if he didn't want a baby, he should NEVER have slept with you. why is he hiding relationship from his family? if he loved you so much, then he wouldn't let his parents engage him to another girl. or is he too scared of them?
He is gonna abandon u once u kill ur baby. PERIOD.. U need to b strong about this. Keep the baby and tell him to marry u or call his fiance up and tell her that u have his kid. Tell his parents too. There is nuthin to b ashame off. If u kill the baby, u will also regret it dearly for women tat get abortion, 90% of them get depressed and believe me u will b seeing babies everywhere and cry for killing ur. Allah feeds the babies and take care of them. He will surely find u a away. So don't do anything stupid because he will also leave u after tat and u will have nuthin.
Slmz.. Don't do it, i think he wants you to get rid of the baby so that he can be free to marry that other girl without your baby as evidence that he has had a relationship with you. He's trying to to keep you secret. Allah gives that child life, you should not end it over a guy and he shouldn't ask you to if he really cares.
asalamu aleycum trust me bieng a mother myself no man can bring the joy that a baby can bring. leave that loser cause he is only going to stress you out for no reason.
Sister,
Abortion is murder and he should know this. He shouldn't ask you to do this if he is a true Muslim. If you want, please contact me and my husband. We cannot have a child and would be more than willing to care for your baby. We live in NYC and we would love to help you with this situation. Please DO NOT listen to him even if it means that he will not marry you, you don't want to be punished by Allah for this. Also, if he is doing this now, what else is he capable of??? Please contact me at: .
Johanna
Father God gives and takes away as he chooses. He has chosen to give you a precious gift. Could you deny this? I think not. Open your eyes....let the scales fall away.......our God has other plans for you. Plans to prosper you and your sweet little one. The Lord be with you.
assalamu alaykum,
dear sister,
i would like you to know that u are not alone, i have the same situation right now and what makes my situation more depressing than yours is that i am working in a country where rules and regulations regarding this matter is very difficult to deal with.. i always had a doubt on my boyfriend no matter how much he promised me, i decided to go resign from my work, leave the father of my baby, and deliver my baby through my family care..
allah knows best, allah will bless us more inshaallah..