He is very religious now, but I cannot overlook his past relationship
How to deal with jealousy?
Salams
I am inshAllah getting married next year to someone I met at university. Who is now very religious and treats me well.
He has however told me of a relationship he had in the past. I can't seem to forget this as I would never consider any relationship unless I was married.
This was long before I came along and all the time I have known he has mashAllah been very good and practising.
I dont want to ruin a what could be a very happy marriage over thinking about the past and what he did with someone else.
I have known him for 6 years and by the grace of Allah he is very good however I can't forget what he did in the past whilst at college.
- i is for islam
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Assalmu alaikum, Sister,
Say: O (My slaves) Who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: Verily , Allah forgives all sins. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Surah39 ayah 53
Sister, if he has repented and he was sincere then do your best to put this behind you. You should be happy that he was honest enough to tell you the truth about his past relationship. He didn't have to say anything. Being truthful in marriage is essential if you want a strong bond with your spouse.
If you don't let this go you will never be able to move forward in your relationship with him. His past will always be in the back of your mind. None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes. It sounds like he has recognized his past mistakes and has asked Allah for forgiveness.
Since this happened long before you came into the picture and in the six years that you have known him he has been very good, then you need to ask Allah(swt) to give you strength to move on with your life and not let this be an obstacle in your future marriage.
I would suggest sitting down with him and let him know how you are feeling. If you are unable to resolve this in your mind then you need to make duah for yourself. You also should make istikhara.
Insha Allah this has helped.
Your Brother in Islam
Abdul Wali Carter
salaam,
sis everyone makes mistakes some worse than others. if you cant overlook this then i suggest you dont go through in marryin him. for a relationship to work effort from both partys is needed equally otherwise its a high possibilty it will fall through.
i suggest you talk to the brother and then you have a good think about it, do what you feel right cos at the end there will be no one to blame but urself.
ma salama
As a Muslim you shouldn't dwell excessively on the past. Your concern is what he is like in the present and his intentions and goals going forward. It was a mistake for him to tell you about this past relationship as sins should be concealed. Make the decision of whether to marry him based on his deen and character, not based on a past relationship many years ago that he has repented for. Plus if you leave this man, what guarantee do you have that any other man you marry has not been involved in such a relationship either?
Salaam
Sister it is your decision, i was the same as you also i would never marry a man who has had a "past" so as to speak, but i discovered in the end it is nearly impossible to find a male who is clean, most men will not disclose any information about their past at all.
It is not nice to imagine him having shared intimacy with a woman before you, bear in mind you can also end up with someone who hasnt had a past but what if you have nothing in common you have to weigh up the pros and cons.
One rarely finds the perfection we look for in this life
In the end it is your decision sister.
Allah swt knows best