Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Confusion over a non-Muslim guy

Salam Alaykom sisters and brothers,
Recently ,I met a non muslim guy who was working with us at work .
He liked my qualities as I'm a decent shy muslim girl ,hard working and ambitious . He told me if I can be introduced to his family as his mother was so excited to know about who he is talking all day long. So I went and met his mother ,she told me that her son is so inspired by my personality and she wanted to know more about me .
Briefly , the mother liked me and she kept on talking with me . I decided to tell my parents and let them be introduced to this guy whom his qualities I liked and whom his way of introducing me to his parents was of a decent and respectful way .
I made Istikhara long time ago and asked GOD if this person is the right person for me . I'm little bit confused sometimes I get postive signs and sometimes negative ones . However, I talked with my parents about this subject .
My parents refused the idea as he is non muslim and that to be married to a muslim religious guy is better than non religious even if this guy cnverted to islam .
So I told the guy why don't you convert to Islam not for the sake of marrying me but just as an advice from a sister because Islam is Al deen 3endal Allah .
So now my parents are ashamed of me how I introduced them to a non muslim guy ...although I really felt his intentions to convert to Islam as he always explained that he feeels that he needs peace in his life and that peace that he didnt witness is missing in his life .
I'm still praying and am willing to follow what Allah has planned for me .
I'm witnessing that Allah is making him close to my parents and my parents started to like him . However, I'm just still confused about the issue in general am still praying and I really felt gooze bumbs when he came to our house . I started telling myself :"Perhaps it's his destiny to convert to Islam and to have my family as his family as he always disagreed with his parents on some issues about their religion . I really feel that this Guy is being destinied to know me and then convert to Islam ".
In fact , he left many bad sins when he knew me like drinking , poker , sexual intercourse ....I didnt do any efforts in telling him about Islam but being a true muslim and a decent girl has inspired him to leave all these bad qualities here's where I started to like his new acquired qualities and started to think about him as a potential groom .
I need your advice how do you view this subject please .

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9 Responses »

  1. OP: In fact , he left many bad sins when he knew me like drinking, poker, sexual intercourse ....I didn't do any efforts in telling him about Islam but being a true Muslim and a decent girl has inspired him to leave all these bad qualities here's where I started to like his new acquired qualities and started to think about him as a potential groom

    You will never know if he really stopped drinking, poker and doing sexual intercourse with strangers. Love is blind, we stop seeing the true picture. How old are you both? Why you want a man who has a history of sexual intercourse with strangers/friends? He probably continue this after he gets married. Do you have "dates" with him?

    • You're being too judgemental and people change for the better a lot of Muslim ummah had done way worse and at the end turn back to Allah and he accepted them. And brought them closer to him. No matter how pure you think you're you do something
      Bad one way or another and seek for repentance. And you haven't even mat this guy you just know him based on her story. I think you should stop being judgemental and give a better advice. I've seen
      People stop their bad acts just because Allah guided them through a person who is so paius
      And it inspired them

  2. Walikumasalam sister.

    I don’t think anyone should judge you here as this is a platform for advice, my first piece of advice is you probably shouldn’t really spend time speaking with this guy outside of work.

    In today’s society we would assume this is a perfectly normal situation however from an islamic perspective it’s pretty clear that it’s not allowed.

    Firstly he is a non muslim and you can’t marry him.
    Secondly shaytan will always be the third person among the two of you and your very likely to fall for him which would prove difficult for you as he is currently not a muslim guy. I think it would be a recipe for disaster.

    If you have a male relative maybe speak to them about giving him dawah, or even your dad maybe, it’s nice that you have this whole idea planned about him reverting to islam but that may not be the outcome.

    Only Allah can change hearts and bless people with our beautiful deen.

    I strongly advise that you do your best to keep away maybe that might be the point he realises that he really misses your company and what you’ve taught him and consider islam. It may also be the point he walks away too so be prepared for that too.

    May Allah guide him and guide us all Ameen

  3. Istikhara over a non-muslim guy!!? That shows a lack of religious understanding ( I'm not judging you bluntly but making a face value conclusion) . Sister, females are generally very impressionable and trusting when it comes to relationships with opposite gender. And that's probably what has happened with you .Its really hard to know if he really left his previous iniquitous behaviour and whether he converts to Islam sincerely , not to marry you. Please be very careful as it's a question of your marital life. Don't let your emotions overwhelm you into taking a calamitous decision. Pray sincerely to Allah to guide you and try to understand real meaning of istikhara by consulting a scholar. Have your parents actively involved in every step you take as they may give you invaluable advice.

    I pray that Allah guide you and make things easy for you, Ameen

  4. Tell him to study Islam, and when he converted to Islam, he can come to your father to ask for your hand in marriage ... You can buy him some books, links to Islamic videos, address of masajid and sheiks who follows the Quran and Sunnah, brothers or your pious male relative. Then leave him to study and make a decision.

    Stop seeing him and please don't make more sin because of him. You can pray to Allah to show him the right path and to make him find the truth in Islam and that when he's a Muslim, he will come to you and sought for you to have a halal relationship.

    You're a rare gem. Please take care of yourself and only consider a Muslim man as your husband and imam. Someone who can bring you to Jannah and Will be your husband in jannah. Don't you want that?

    • Conversion for the sake of marriage is not going to work .
      He needs to accept Islam with heart and need to find a truth in this religion .
      People who convert for worldly objective like marriage,girl etc can go back to their old religion once marriage broke or gets bored with wife .
      Kids will get stuck between different people from his father side .
      I think you are sinning here and wasting your time .
      Listen to your parents especially these matters .

  5. Salam,

    There are a couple of things you should be aware of:

    1) It is Allah who guides. So you can try all you want and he may not believe. Or if you don't try at all he may end up believing. Or he may believe later in life but now now.
    2) If he joins Islam to marry you then he will not fear the afterlife and after marriage and kids if the honeymoon period is over he simply may not practice Islam. Not that he would necessarily leave you but just that he would find no problem in not practicing and raising the kids without Islam as well. At that point it would be you who would want a divorce.
    3) You cannot marry a non-muslim man. If he believes on his own then great, but otherwise it would not be a good marriage.
    4) If he believes, be aware that this parents do not. They will influence your kids and push for this worldly life. It's a slight negative that becomes bigger depending on how big of a part they play in your kids lives.
    5) You will be invited to their family gatherings without halal food. You will usually be the odd one there. You have to be comfortable with this and take it as an opportunity for dawah. Your kids though will have a problem eating from his side of the family.

    Overall if I was your parent I would say no to this marriage as the guy has not chosen Islam on his own yet. If he did and I saw understanding and sincerity I may say yes from judging the situation. The rest would then be up to you to decide if that's the kind of life you want past your honeymoon period.

  6. Unfortunately you have fallen to lust and sexual attraction which you think is love .You cant marry him and if you marry then marriage will not be valid .
    You need to choose good over SEX .Control your desires by doing good deeds and diverting mind to some usefull stuff .

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