Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Divorced man seeking marriage again

Asalam O Allaikum,

I need help regarding marriage. I was divorced and now my parents want me to marry again. My ex wife took khula; I don’t want to say that it was 100 % her fault, but I think most of the people who know my story think that that was her fault....

Now my parents want me to marry again, but I can’t find any suitable girl at all. I am a doctor and a practising Muslim Alhamdulillah with a beard.

I went to my native country where most of the families had a problem with my divorce and the fact that I have a boy who is 5 now. People back home don’t want a divorced guy who has a kid as well.

And my parents want me to marry as soon as possible, Islamically my father said that divorced or widowed men or women should marry again as soon as possible as per hadith.

Now I am not against getting married again, but I don’t want to just marry anybody for the sake of the marriage, because I am now very scared of the marriage, reason being my previous marriage was a disaster, and I don’t want to marry hastily and then Allah forbid suffer again. Now the issue is my family can’t find any decent religious girl and even if they find somebody, their parents deny me because of the divorce, or my son, and some have a problem with my beard. I have no demands, I just want a practising, educated acceptable looking girl and that’s all -  nothing else.

What shall I do now? I don't interact with girls here at all, and I recently met a girl on a forum and I proposed to her immediately via my mother, but she just took it as fun and made me look like an idiot. She just played with my emotions and then when it went to her parents she said no. I was so upset that I needed two weeks to recover.

I do feel lonely and miserable at times, so I guess I need a companion and as being Muslim it can only be a wife. As  I said I don’t interact with girls and secondly I have no trust left in anyone and I feel low in confidence, I am Alhamdulillah good looking educated and practising Muslim but the only problem is my family trying to find a suitable girl for me but unsuccessful.

So please kindly can you advice what shall I do in my circumstances?

- sheryar2010

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49 Responses »

  1. sheryar2010, As-salamu alaykum,

    Sorry to hear about your divorce, and the unpleasant experience you had with the girl from the forum. I think you are very wise not to have rushed into a second marriage with just anyone. You are absolutely right that this is an important decision. It's better to be alone for a while and find the right person in the end.

    My suggestion is that you should seek someone in your same situation. A woman who is divorced, perhaps with a child, or a widow. I don't know what ages you have been looking for, but if you put out the word that you are open to a divorced woman in her thirties or even early forties, you will find plenty of candidates. These women have the same problem that you do, no one wants them because of their situations.

    You can also try a matrimonial service like, or any other. There are many of them.

    I'm in a similar situation to you. I am divorced with a 4 year old daughter, and I have faced similar obstacles. But in browsing the matrimonial websites, I did receive several contacts from women in their 30's and 40's who didn't mind my circumstances. None of them were exactly right for me, and it's been three years since my divorce, but I'm confident that I'll find someone when the time is right Insha'Allah.

    Also, I suggest that you remain open to a woman from a different country or culture. In your situation, you need to be a little bit open minded and broaden your horizons. You know, I was just reading that in Iraq there are so many unmarried young widows whose husbands have been killed in the conflicts, that they are desperate. The government is considering legalizing polygamy, which has been banned in Iraq for some time.

    In the meantime, focus on the blessings in your life, particularly your son. Give him all your love. Try to make a few friends so you won't be lonely. If you have any spare time outside of work then develop a hobby. Something that makes you happy and occupies your time productively.

    May Allah aid you to find that perfect person who is waiting for you.

    Wael Editor

    • Asalam -o alikum, altough we call ourselves muslims but actually nobody is a practising muslim except for a few , you will find many stories like yourself on the net , i am going through the same as a widow who is 48 have 4 kids all studying with only the support of Allah subhana taala i am living , i tried finding a husband who will be my kind generous and a pillar of support to me and my children but most of the men on net only look for past time and flirting in these times haram has become more earier then halal its so unfortunate all i can say is trust Allah , do your best there is always a time for everything and if Allah wants things to be done then nobody can stop it but if He has other plans for you or for me then can we help it No so it is best to have patience and thank Allah for His mercy .

    • Aoa. Im sara frm pakistan. Im also facing the same situation as u.. Im divorced n hav a girl child of 3.5 yrz n finding an appropriate match for me n my preference is that he ahould be noble n follower of islam . Tc

  2. As salamu alaykum sheryar2010,

    I read a dua that is specially comforting, the dua for anxiety and sorrow, it has helped me a lot during moments of intense lonelyness.

    Keep your Heart shining and ready for Love, I am sure you will find the person that is already waiting for you, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect,


  3. Assalamu aleikum brother sheryar2010

    It is like you are talking about me, although my ex-wife had told me everything and attracted me to marry her as I was only 19y at that time then in two months after our marriage she just asked me divorce, since she became pregnant and threw me out of the house. Then I managed and moved away, after 7 months she asked me back, then I came back and helped her until she gave birth (daughter Alhamdulillah)....then after about a month she asked me again divorce, without any reason except I was younger than her 7y and asked me to get out as the apartment was under her control, then I divorced her, that is it..

    Now I am divorced with one year old daughter Alham...I am proud of my religion that I am only the servant of Allah and this is just worldly life and Allah has written me down this time and of course I am proud of my child as she is my heart walking on the Earth I really want to take a time, educate myself, to think about the future of my child and as well my future, you know my brother we are supposed to thank Almighty Allah that we (you, me, brother Wael...endless) are fathers Alhamdulillaah...

    About next marriage do not worry brother you never miss your RISQ (whatever good Allah has meant for you in this life nor you avoid whatever test Allah has written down when you were in your Mums womb e.g this divorce), so my brother Allah has created us to worship Him, if something happens to you divorce etc it is kheir, because you get time to worship Allah, it is also kheir, since you get ajr (rewards) if try to remain patient....only try to be open for women and try to struggle to get HUR AL-AYN instead of those here.....

    Brother you should get confidence as you are a man + Muslim Alhamdulillah everything about this world is in your hands as you know Allah the creator of this, me after my divorce I say to myself every day "I have given my future marriage to Allah, for long term insha Allah, if I see an acceptable Muslimah I may go ahead (marry), otherwise life is too short to run after any woman", so my dear brother you also...

    Thank you for your post, may Allah subhanahu wata ala gives you confidence, reliable decent wife and pious children and may Allah subhanahu wata ala grant you Jannah...

    Sincerely your brother in Islam Abdullahi

    • Aoa i want to know abt u more as u ppl are motivation for the rest of the ppl suffering the same.. Im also divorced girl having a girl child of 3.5 yrz

  4. Brother Sheryar, I would like to talk more about it and want to know your contact detail.

  5. Assalamu Alikum.

    Wael is correct. Dear Doctor try to marry sooner. Choose a girl for her religious stronghold. As the hadith goes, a girl may be selected for her 1) Nobility/Family 2) Wealth 3)BEauty and 4) Religious faith and practice.

    The 4th msut be given preference to.

    Make dua to Allah and He will guide you in the right path.

    Be confident and march forward.

    Wallahu waliyyukum.

    Abu Thalha

  6. Assalamulekum Brother

    I hope allah will make it easier for you to find a rightous girl who can takecare of you and your baby inshallah. Brother I just want to say something please don't mind in regards to your five year old son. When a men and a women divorce no matter whoses fault the children tend to suffer. sometimes the the party who keeps the child try to restrict the other party from seeing the child or having any contact with them this is mean and inhumane. So please if this applies to you I advise you to let your ex-wife see her son because it is also her son. This is a child's right to recieve love from both mom and dad.

    Barak allah feek!

    • I'm divorced for 18 months now. I am 42 years old, have a 13 and 15 year old, and want to experience true love...
      If there is anybody out there looking to love somebody unconditionally , then please let me know



      • Shouneez,

        This is not a marriage bureau. Please register on a marriage sítě, or any other for this purpose. May Allah make you successful in your search, Aameen.

        SisterZ Editor

  7. Assalamulaikum Sheryar,

    Reading your story feels like its same for both women and men when they are divorced and trying to get married again effortlessly as they had already put in too much efforts to save their first marriages. But being muslim or being conservative people like us never approach some one by our selves in real life... I am not talking about net or the forums because this net world is so asthetically cosmetic type of thing that we all come up with our best make up on when it comes to presenting our personality through pictures, text messages, mails or IMs. So my advice is try to look out for the girl in your circle, i am sure you must have some ones u consider reasonable but never approched because of the fear of either rejection or may be the fear of that girls would start considering you indecent.

    And my second and most important advice dont marry because your parents want you to, or your child needs a mother, or your deen would be incomplete without it... if you previously had arrange marriage you know all of these reasons have failed otherwise your first marriage was a success. This time marry for yourself and for that you may need to wait for the right girl . Because once you get her and she gets a right one in your shape then nuturing of a nice relationship will take care of all your concerns... your parents will be happy as you will be settled in, your son will get a good mother as she will be accpeting you with your son and ofcourse your religious obligation will be fullfilled really well if you both are leading a happy life together while giving respect to each others' views.

    I am saying all this because i am a divorcee, i know exactly how hard it is to take familial pressure to get married again and social pity all the time for being miserable, lonely or what not. But trust me nobody is going to ALLAH forbid suffer again but only you if you make another wrong decision. So keep your hopes and spirits high. ALLAH will inshaALLAH gift you with a beautiful life partner soon as being muslim we all believe that hardships are ALLAH's test for good people. So the least we can do is never to shatter in bad times.

  8. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sheryar,

    I know someone who might be interested. Please give me your contact information so that we may talk further. Thank you


    • Salma, I appreciate your good intentions but this website does not function as a matchmaking service. We are here to offer advice only.

      Wael Editor

  9. Salaam, my sister is in the same situation as a lot of you. She went in to her marriage with a lot of hope and faith and unfortunately he was just a bad person who abandoned her after receiving his visa and is now divorcing her. She has had a lot of bad luck but is one of the most strongest women I know. She is well educated, with morals and principles and beautiful but people in society think if you're divorced and 32 as she is then you must have done something wrong but she really didn't. I am looking for eligible bachelors but it is so hard especially when she has had a bad experience it makes her more wary and when a lot of people want young ones etc. Please help me if you know any sites, events etc etc. I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

    • Check out the following websites:

      - purematrimony
      - single muslim

      Or, go to marriage events, join local marriage bureaus at Masjids etc. Widen your choice by considering Muslims from any culture.

      If you have any further questions, please log in and submit them as a separate post. Thank You

      SisterZ Editor

  10. Asslam Sheryar

    Brother, I am in a similiar position to you where I have been through a divorce, and I have two children from this marriage.

    I am also finding it very hard to find a partner again after divorce, especially as I have children. But I have learnt that we need to be very patient, place our trust in Allah, offer prayers (Including Salat Istikhara) and make regular duas that our prayers will be answered inshallah,

    I explore all avenues for finding a respectable islamic wife - this includes Marriage Events, Internet and family. But what is most important of all is not to give up, be patient and make duas for Allah.

    I also realise that this takes time - as they say, patience is virtue, and one must not rush into looking for a partner. Like you, I do not want to make mistakes this time around and then regret it. There is someone out there for all all, so I call for all brothers and sisters seeking Nikah to not give up - it will happen, despite whatever our circmstances.

    I wish everyone seeking Nikah, the very best in thier search and Inshallah our goals will flourish


    • As - salamu -a lai- kum,

      I have gone through your details bout your marriage with two children.
      but please dont loose hopes. ALLAH will definitely help you,

      INSHA ALLLAH , if your interested please forwards your details/contact no
      to the given email ID . I can help u out with a right match for you . If your are interested.

  11. Aasalum-Ulikum,

    Brothers I am in a similar situation, I just got a divorce with a 1/1.5 year son. He is with his mother. My left me due to my skin disease PSORAISES as well as I was a job-less due to that disease. I was completely paralyze for around a month. My wife helped me and be there for me while I was fighting was this disease but I don't know when she changes her mind and left me alone and taken away my son too.

    I was living my life alone without them for almost 6 months before we got divorce, she keeps insulting me and at one time she slaps me. She even did not invite me my son 1st birthday party. My Father-in-law & my mother-in-law also start hating me. My only support at that time was my parents & brothers. I was hopeless and when insults cross the line, I divorce my wife. Now she don't want me to meet my son infact she wants to remove my name from his name. I try everything to convince them that atleast let me connect with my son, now as a last resort I am planning to go to the court.

    I am very dis-appointed with my marriage life. When she left me, I start healing & got a job back. I am very afraid about getting re-marriage and clearing up this trauma phase. please help me out. I don't want to live alone but I am afraid about getting re-connected.

    I knew one thing only that whatever ALLAH do for us, it is the right thing for us.

    I am stuck in accepting these things.


  12. Asalam mu alakum

    Dear brother and sister in islam please make maaf I wish I could understand
    Ur pain you going through but allah will make things better for you

    Allah test the ones he loves with the most difficult as long as your love for allah is strong
    No matter wat you go through now your duaa for that you make allah will grant you the best
    Wife she will be the best mother to your child and in sha allah allah will
    Grant you mora beatiful pious childern

    I make duaa that you get success in any thing you do and allah
    Opens ur road in sha allah

  13. Asalam mu alaikum

    I as well have a problem abit different to brother sheryar iwould like advice
    I was resently divorced by my second husband I was only married three months
    We had a totaly different understanding I come from gud. Family and
    I studied only islamic kitaabs my parents put on a brave face al the tym but
    At tyms you can see how they realy feel I have no childern
    And I'm in my early 20 I do know it is more difficult now
    For me make nikah again but I do wish to please my parents for the pleasure of
    Allah I never got the chance to full. Fil my deen in the correct way I ask that
    For you to make du aa for me and I will make du aa for those who
    Are looking for gud partners

  14. I found this website because I am thinking of converting. There are many people in your situation and I agree with one of the writers...find someone in a similar situation, who can understand what you are going through. I'm also divorced with children and my ex-husband is non-Muslim. You maybe too hard on yourself. When "we choose" our husband/wife we make human errors, but if you let Allah will have love&peace. I believe Allah made someone for everyone, but sometimes "we" get in our own way. Be patient and trust Allah.

  15. i m 30, 5'7, US citizen

  16. Asalum ulikum .

    Brothers and sisters I just need advice for myself please.
    It is almost one year that my husband and me are seperated. And my husband was in anger way he said talouge and that time his friend did jadu to him too. So I love my husband more then myself and do not want to divorce. We have two lovely kids too. I am waiting for him to come back but his family and him says no we are divorced and he is just saying that he wants to marry with educated woman. He is already looking for a girl on muslim4marrage side. So is this is really taloug (divorce). Please let me know what to do . I do not want to marry any one because I love my husband and also I do not want my kids to get step dad or mom. I love my kids and my husband. I am not looking for any man exssapt my husband but he says we are divorce and I want to make new life. Please if you can make it to work out your marriage so do not let your first life to get distried. This is my advice to all sisters and brothers, it herts your kids heart. I just pray to Halls, that is all I do because no one can help you. Hope and best wishes for all of sisters and brothers.

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,

      Marriage requires willingness to lead a life together from both husband and wife. Love and affection should exist in both. If one is not intending to carry on, then the relationship is bound to fail.

      I understand you love your husband, but sometimes, things do not work in our favor. If he considers you divorced and he actually pronounced divorce, then you are divorced, once 3 months pass after the pronouncement.

      For further advise, I request you to login to our website and submit your question separately.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  17. Asslam ali kum,

    I pray for you and hope you found better partner for you and your Son because this post seems 18 months ago,
    i am also suffering from the same situation my wife asked for a khulla ,My khulla is not done i have to go into the court after few days,i am trying to live with her trying to contact her but unable to contact,i have one son of 1 year old,i request all of Bro and Sis to pray for me ,my better future and give hidayat to my wife that she ll back to me.Ameen.

  18. Salamu alaykum brothers and sisters,

    Your story is quite touching my dear brother. And as many commentators have identified, you aren't alone in this type of situation. I also happen to have gone through he same situation as yours. A very difficult marriage that was filled with nothing but sadness and suffering until it ended about 9months after we started it. She happened to be pregnant and she later delivered a baby girl that is now 9 months old.

    You see marriage that ends in divorce is not a failure, its just that things didn't work out well between the both of you for individual differences reasons. Whatever befalls a man in this life was ordained by Allah, and He is aware of everything that happens. He puts us through some trials to test our faith and make us aware that life is filled with mixed experiences.

    My advice is, do not close yourself up on the issue of remarrying because of your past experience. It should be an opportunity for you to redeem yourself and give your child a befitting upbringing. Engage in istikhara, fasting and avoid thinking too much about the past that doesnt change. An as soon as you come across a woman you feel you are ok with, make arrangements to marry and you will In she Allah find happiness sooner than youcan think of.

    May Allah see us through. amin

  19. asalam u alaikum Brother,

    Allah will surely help u, if u were really right.
    let me share my story with u
    May b it will inspire u
    As I m also divorced. i got married when i was 20 yrs old ,, then my hubby divorced me after 1 year , during this period , i had a lil angel, my sweet baby, but they kept her , they didn't gv her to me, at that time she was only 10 days old, n after divorced , i cudn't see my baby for a whole year,
    but i had never lev to trust on Allah,
    i offer 5 tyms prayer, n also offer daily shukrana nawafil, recite quran , n casual recite surah (whoever told me any) (each night i cried for my baby. fight through court)
    n after 1 year my father in law bring my baby to me, n told me during casual tlk , dat my x hubby got married again but his 2nd wife is not so good.
    now each sunday i meet wth my daughter, my in laws also lov her very much, i want to take her prmenently, bt they requesting to me to not to do that. but on the other hand i m also not financially strong like my in law, for affording her expense,
    after divorced i also hate to get married again,i thought may b i was wrong , may b i m failed to satisfy my hubby from me,,but now i m quiet satisfied that i was not wrong
    Allah always show to evry1 , who did smthing wrong wth others.





  21. Salaam alakiam

    Brother, I am sad to hear your story, I am divorced with two kids, I am very scared to get married again

    Allah hafiz

    • salaam brother,

      Pls email if u want help from me, I can help u by marrying u.

      If u want to

      Allah hafiz

    • Dear brother, where u from, what is your age, I simple lady and kind, caring person practicing islam to, and have two kids, I had sad life really to much, sometimes, I wish I was not hear on this world.

      Allah hafiz


  22. As salam allaikum
    Sheryar 2010
    I can understand ur feeling coz im also suffering frm this problem
    Bt dont wry Allah raheem Allah kareem

  23. Waalaikumsalam

    Sorry to hear about what u went through...
    All of us,servants of Allah Swt have to go through test in any circumstances... Allah Swt Will Give us the Best,ameeen.
    So are you re-married now?

    All the Best and Take Care

  24. asc am really sad to hear this but i am a practsing muslim i dont mind if you marry me i will look after your son as well i will do everything for the sake of alah please give me a response as soon as possible i dont play with guys like you i fear allah swt
    aslo i am only 18 years old and i have never been married

  25. I am kanwal from Pakistan I am 2 times divorced and I have a 7 month baby boy I am very scared of marriage I want to live alone now butt my parents force to marry me again I don't want to leave my child no body can accept me with my child

  26. Assalam o alaikum wrwb
    I have read your sad story... I also share same fate..I have no age 40 years..Alhamdulillah practising muslim ,educated,belong to a respectable family...can we discuss things in detail?

  27. Salam Al akiam, brother sorry to hear about this, I do have two kids

  28. Hi...Sheryar2010
    It had been so long ago u wrote in are u? Hows life going on?

  29. I sent a message on your given iD but it's not working... I want to have a word with you please.
    Iam also looking for a guy but in same situation as you're, can't trust anyone. And no one accepts my 6 yrs old daughter.
    Iam leaving my what's app number

    • Nida, we do not allow posting private contact info. If you say you can't trust anyone, then how can you trust a complete stranger from the internet?

      Wael Editor

      • How can I contact this guy then? Kindly guide me.

        • You cannot. This website is not to be used as a matchmaking service.


        • By looking at the responses given by women in this thread one can say that polygamy could solve many problems.
          As a society we are only concerned to look at the pain endured by the first wife and children from the previous marriage but not the need of the a women who is willing to be someone’s 2nd,3rd or 4th wife.

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