Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My father rejected the proposal because we are not the same nationality.

Cross cultural Muslim marriage between a Caucasian man and Asian woman

Cross-cultural marriages are common in Islam and no one should be rejected on the basis of ethnicity alone

I met a man online and he proposed to me. I want to get married to him as well but my father rejected the proposal because I am a Turk and he is a British-Iranian.  We are both Muslim.

Please help me.

~ Gem

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7 Responses »

  1. Salaam Gem.

    Just a question, have you ever met this man face to face? My first concern here is internet safety - it is true that people may not always be who they say they are. And even if they are it is not enough to get to know someone online. You do not see how they act in situations. You only know what they tell you about themselves. And even if they are being truthful, how many of us over-look our own faults. We don't see them. Likewise you will not see his faults. Its not a good platform for starting marriage. So are you sure that your father is not rejecting the proposal due to the fact that you do not know him personally.

    If you are still insistent then I think the best way forward is for this guy to come over for some months and meet your family. He should not meet them at your house. Go with your father and family to a neutral place like a cafe etc and meet him there. This way your father can have the real opportunity to get to know this guy and see if heis a good match for you. You need to also consider whether you are actually willing to emigrate etc or whether he is. I know Turkey is a nice place, but it is not for everyone and frankly theres no place like home. Once the feelings fade (as they do in marriage) you need to have the basic compatability otherwise your going to be pretty shocked when the marriage changes.

    You should also do istikhaarah and refrain from talking to him (even online) unless your mahram is present as what may lead to a sin is a sin.
    Here are some links on istikhaarah Please read carefully before you perform the salat:
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/power-of-salat-ul-istikhara/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/istikhara-for-second-marriage/

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Aassalamomalekum,
    Sister i woul like to apprise you of the following facts & realities that i watched & witnessed myself while spending the last 36 years in Netherland ;
    Such marriages where both are the muslims yet with two different countries (as in yr case) are unfortunately with very minor percentage of success and mostly broken after few years and if not then while the childrens are grown up.This is happend due to cultural differences bcs at certain stages when love is mitigated and just marriage remains then cultural aspects are arising and eachone wants to educate his/her chldren of own cultural values and this becomes the crucial point which ultimately leads to divorcing.in nutshell the cultural values got more powerfull hence dominate everything.i would suggest evexryone to get marry zwith your own culture: thus turk with turk and irsnian with iranian.
    2 Also be ware that according to all bonafide islamic scholars and mufti,s the shias are not allowd to marry sunni girl & vice versa.(as iranians are mostly shias & Turks not).All known scholars are unanimously agreed that sunni men/women nikah is not a valid one and all borne kids of this wedlock are not legitimate.pls get enough information from scholars.
    May Allah swt be with you to make a right decision.
    Umeed khawaja
    Nethetlandse
    26th oct.

    • Utter nonsense, Umeed. If you witnessed marriages that did not work out because of cultural reasons, it's because those individuals valued culture above Islam, love, and kindness. I have seen many successful and happy intercultural marriages here in the USA. The key is that both partners are dedicated Muslims. They learn to appreciate each other's culture. It does not become a point of contention.

      As far as Sunni and Shi'ah, thousands of such marriages occur every month in countries like Iraq and Lebanon. They are accepted by the scholars and by society. And I think this is one of the things needed to end the constant violence against the Shi'ah in some countries. Pakistanis for example tend to take a hard line against all other sects, and look at the result. The country is tearing itself apart.

      Do not post divisive comments here. Your attitudes do not represent Islam, which came to abolish all such national and tribal barriers.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • brother wael
        I guess ppl forgot to mention the plight of sunnis in the shia majority country

        I have a friend who is a shia his dad works in saudi arabia , and bcoz of the job in saudi he and his family are able to complete all their basic needs

        But as saudi arabia , hate iran , he tends to like iran as it is a shia majority country and say that saudi is bad

        I don't get it , I told him that if he cares so much of iran why the hell he works in saudi its better live saudi and go to iran
        His answer is also absurd that iran has that iran has technical sound ppl and saudi doesn't so its better to work in saudi

        Good working in a country and saying bad about the same country

        Now a day really finding it hard to trust shia

      • Brother Wael aassalamoalekum,

        Pls be cool minded to exchange the dialogues with logic & practicalism!
        You might hv seen the successfull marriages but pls keep in mind that successfull marriages criterion is measured on whole life ; 30-40 yrs span time of partnership & not on 10-15 yrs weddings.Also many which r named successfull are on onesided adjustment basis.If u know many falling under longtime marriages, good luck to them but unfortunately just 2/3 family that i know.
        Also as per yr saying if they r dedicated muslims and this is the point where i would like to suggest u to pounder at.Howmany muslims for example are performing salaat ? According to recent survey not even five persent and i want to know do u call the rest dedicated (95 pc) muslims.This means 1st of all all muslims should be educated to get aware what are the islamic obligations thus to prepare them dedicated one,s.( remember the very 1st revealed aya begins with IQRA)

        You claim that many marriages are taking place between shia & sunni and r accepted by scholars and society.Brother i hv not come across with a single known scholar who permits yet many high esteemd who did not. Just to name few;
        Moulana sayyed abu ul alla maududi (during court proceedings of Al-akhwan,s Qutub shaheed was questioned by the judge whether u r influenced by modudi)
        2 moulana Rashid ahmed gangohi (one of the founder member of Deoband of India)
        3 hazrat moulana Ahmed Raza khan Bralvi (followers r in whole sub continent)
        All above 3 r of very high esteemd scholars,writers,jurisrudent etc etc.if u want i can send u their written refrences where clearly stated that nikah among shia and sunni are not valid ones.
        Ok they r accepted by the society but this is not justification as society is also using banks money and paying Riba,many muslims are drinking alchol,committing zina,doing frauds and still accepted by the society but violating Quraan & sunnah and acceptance of society is not the islam.

        At the end, brother, i hv given my views bcs yr pages are for public comments but if u only like comments as u wish then "...................................
        Allah hafaz,
        Umeed khawaja
        Netherlands

        • hi,

          i dont know about shii/sunni mariages. but my dad is pure arabian and mom pure belgian (european), married since 1975. they have been happy but as wael said, they both forgot about culture and put islam rules as respect, love and forgivness etc.

          God subhanallah created many races, not for separate each other. if it was not possible or not good, it would be not recommended in Islam.

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