Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am engaged and I don’t know what to do

diverging paths

Salam everyone

I am engaged to a very nice brother. However, every now and then he becomes a bit pessimistic about life. Like he says to me let's not get married as he prefers single life. I think he finds this whole marriage thing very overwhelming (more responsibilities, taking care of future kids, providing financially, wedding cost etc).

I do not know what to do. I do not want to break up because he is really nice and genuine but at the same time he has told me that he prefers single life. And whenever he says this it makes me really uncomfortable and sad and wasted. I also feel confused because he has confessed many times to me that he likes me a lottt. Now I do not know what to do and all my family members likes him a lot (his character and personality)

And whenever I have done istekhara the outcome has been positive to continue with wedding preparation.

If I continue I do not want a day after nikkah he telling me that he actually wanted to be single. I think this would make me really sad as though I forced someone to be with me.

We both are in our 30s.

Please brothers and sisters tell me what to do.

- Rose


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8 Responses »

  1. Follow your heart.

    If you think you will be happy with him, go for it.

    If you think you will be compromisingly happy with him, think about it

    If you think you will be sad with him, you know what to do.

    Thank you

  2. Aselam u alaikom,

    Sister, i think you should simply ask him.

    If you are not going to communicate and express your feelings clearly now, it will be the start of a relationship where there won't be understanding.

    Be polite and respectful. Smile and be understanding, and ask him whether he wants to marry you because he keeps making references to his preference of single life.

    If you don't ask, you'll never know!

    And you never know, this might not be what he is thinking at all! He may be crazy about you for all you know!

    So I would advise you to ask to put your heart and mind at ease.

    I hope it all goes well, my lovely sister.

    Your sister in Islam x

  3. I think you need to think seriously about this would it be better to move on now than try to start making g a life then getting hurt later down the line. I meet my husband 7 years ago he told me was ready for married life and he wasn't , we ha e a two year old daughter together, he's 32 years in may he has spent our hole marriage just thinking of him self and having g his single life with the benifit of just sex inThe marraige when he wanted it . out with his friends every day from 6.40am till 11.30 at night waking our daughter from her sleep to see her 5 minutes because he hasn't seen her in days ( she does not call him dad she calls him by his first name) and has is friend message him 21 times a day every day that's not Including calls, he has cheated and complete disregard for me our daughters and not stubilty it has come to seperation and now coming to divorce.
    Just think what's best for you in long run.. He wants his cake And eat it and it will never work in the end ... Find yourself life that will make you happy

  4. Considering that he is already giving you hints that he prefers being single you may delay the decision to get married. You will definitely regret a lot if you get married with him and the marriage does not work out.

  5. Assalamualaikum sister

    sorry to know about your situation but were there is doubt pls thnk before going ahead...........after marriage its more about responsibility towrds eachother and if he dosent belive in married life then why are u forcing yourself to marry him marriage is very big commitment accepting eachothers good and flaws planning kids etc and if he is not ready mentally then u must think before making decission.......never get married just because of families pressure u must tihnk about urself 1st as atlast its u who will have to bare .........

    take care


  6. Sorry sister, I think he doesn't want to tell you directly that he wants to end it, that's why he is saying it in a naive way that he prefers to be single. Please, please don't waste your time with him. You want someone who really wants to be with you. Appreciate that he is not marrying you out of pressure. It's going to hurt but don't think anything is wrong with you. It's him and it's his loss. Stay strong.

  7. "When a person tells you who they are, believe them!" He has said he enjoys being single, so I think you should move on. A marriage is hard work even if both people want to be married. You might be heartbroken because of the end of this relationship but it would be worse if you are married with children and then break up. Look for a man who is 100% into being married to you because you deserve nothing less.

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