Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have to decide between two proposals…

Fork in the road

I need to make a decision

Assalamualaikum,

I would like your advice about the following situation.

I am in my late twenties and I have a lot of anxiety & fear about getting married. My elder sister is divorced and I saw her suffer a great deal due to her getting married to the wrong person.

At the moment I have 2 proposals, and though I greatly want to marry, I get anxious  about making a decision which will affect my entire life. (I generally get anxious when I have to make a decision in other aspects of my life also, but I have learned to control it for a great deal.)

One proposal is from a family friend, i have known him for many years . He is a nice person, but he does have a temper. He has been waiting for a long time for me to accept his proposal.

The other is from my cousin back home. He has been married once before. He seems like a kind person.

I have done istekhara many times, and to be honest my heart is heavily inclined towards the family friend. I have done salat al istikhara. I also got istekhara done via the imam at the local mosque (maulana).  It was initially negative for my cousin, but the last time i got it done, it came out very positive. And it came out neutral for the family friend.

I sincerely seek Allah's (swt) guidance & I am ashamed that I keep doing istekhara repeatedly due to my own indecision and I don't want to be a hypocrite either. I don't want to use the istekhara to justify what I want, rather , I want to do what is best for my deen & dunya.

I don't rely on my own decision making because I have made some not-so-great decisions in the past.

Please advice me in this matter & how I can be firm in my decision making & achieve peace in my heart.

Thank you.

flower87

 

 

 


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5 Responses »

  1. does anyone knows where to write new post? i have loads of questions?

  2. Salaam Sister,

    Istikhara can be done any amount of times. There is no limit for that. As far as I know.

    I suggest you go for the one your heart is inclined towards. The result of Istikhara sometimes is in our heart towards which we are inclined.

    Whatever decision you take, put complete trust in Allah and trust that whatever happens is due to Allah's wish.

    Whatever happened to your sister doesn't need to happen to you. Everyones life and fate is different.

    Just keep making dua that Allah maked your life beautiful whoever you marry with.

    May Allah grant you a good spouse.

  3. no one can do istikhara for you , read the right way to do istikhara through the link at the top

  4. OP: He is a nice person, but he does have a temper. He has been waiting for a long time for me to accept his proposal.

    The other is from my cousin back home. He has been married once before. He seems like a kind person.

    How has temper affected your friendship? How often this temper thing happens? Does this person have a temper with most people he knows?

    Why your nice cousin got divorced? Is there a way to talk to his wife? Some one you know can call his wife to find out the reason? How long was he married? any kids?

    • Please go wiith istikhara with trust on Allah. Be positive and honest with your future husband. Habit of forgiveness is important to stick to long term relationship.

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