Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I hurt him too much

Where is the love, no love, loveless


I'm new to this forum and I need advice. I had been searching for some source of advice, so I hope to get my answer from here in sha Allah.

I met a guy 2 years ago in my office when he newly joined the ompany where I was working. Though he is a muslim, he was not brought up in the islamic way beacuse of the surroundings and enviornment of his city. But when he moved from that country and joined our office (where I live, our office has a very islamic enviornment), he started learning islam and showed his great interest. He was practicing very well, and then he approched me for marriage. He was impressed by me because I was islamically sound and have all those qualities which a muslim guy should see in a girl who is islamic: respectful to others, good character, understanding, beautiful.

So I started talking to him. I know it's wrong. I should have asked him to contact my parents, but we belong to two different nationalities so we wanted to know more about each other, and I wanted to complete my studies also. I would then think of telling my family, but he already told his parents and brother. After talking to him for like 6 months, I met his parents and brother when they came to the country I reside in. They liked me a lot, and then I was in touch with them over phone. In our office many people knew about us.

During these two years, we had arguments many times.  I made many mistakes and he was hurt badly, but I did them unintentionally and apologized for that. He forgave me too.  I never showed him that I love him more then he did,  because I was scared of getting hurt from a guy' s behaviour (because when a guy comes to know that a girl is madly in love with him, he starts ignoring her). My behaviour changed him and he was not happy with me. Now he is saying that I have hurt him a lot in many ways which changed his feelings, but he still loves me and needs some time to be normal. He says we should make dua, and if it's in our destiny we will marry.

I want your help. Please advise me, as I want him back. What should I do? Should I make istikhara or saltal hajah? I love him and want to marry him because I feel I can have a good islamic life with him.


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6 Responses »

  1. Wa Alaikum Salaam Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh Sister,

    It seems to me like the brother is at this moment, thinking of whether he should continue with the relationship and marry you or not. So I'd suggest you make the door for him to approach your parents (wali) opened, so that he could meet them whenever he becomes normal and wants to marry you, InshaAllah. You shouldn't pressure him about the issue at this moment. You should just make du'a (Istikhara) as he said, while you abstain from corresponding with him privately. If you want Allah's blessings and guidance in your relationship, then you should not meet the brother without your family.

    May Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala guide you to what is best. Ameen!

    • One more thing, Sister. You need to do tawbah and seek forgiveness of Almighty Allah for any transgression (or for corresponding to the brother without a mahram). Do the tawbah before you pray Istikharah. Perhaps, Allah will forgive you and have mercy on you, and then decree for you something good, inshaAllah. He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful and the best of planners.

      And please know that, there is ONLY one true love in existence, which is your love for Almighty Allah, and that anything beyond it is a fake love (anything beyond it is a love for desires/lusts).

      The love for Allahu subhanu wa ta'ala has its own results, just as the love for desires has its own results as well. The result for your love for Allah is to find yourself loving someone/something for the sake of Allah. And the result for your love for desires is to find yourself loving someone/something through a way that is not approved by Almighty Allah.

      So sister, If you find yourself deeply in love with someone/something, ask yourself "Is the relationship according to the Islamic guidance?" If the answer to the question is "NO", then you really need to examine yourself and do tawbah, and then strengthen your iman and relationship with Allahu subhanu wa ta'ala first, and then start to love anyone/anything for Allah's sake, in away that He approves. This is the only true love in existence, and if you love through it, you will never be disappointed, inshaAllah.

      When you love for Allah's sake, you don't get lost when something comes in between you and your beloved, instead your heart gets directed automatically to the basis of your love, which is your love for Almighty Allah.

  2. Wa'alaikumusalam warehmatullahe wabarakatuhu!

    Read very very carefully,
    It was you who started talking to him. (Who's mistake yours) OKay ignore the mistake. The who prolonged it? (You - Who's mistake yours) Okay let's ignore it.

    Moving forward you said, " I made many mistakes and he was hurt badly, but I did them unintentionally and apologized for that. He forgave me too. " Wow! Sister Who is he? To forgive you, is he your husband?

    Sorry, for all that above sister just wanted to open up your eyes.

    Get an Islamic life sister you think you are a practicing Muslimah but actually you are not.

    Sister, Abiha, just talk to your parents now. Because I can see the devil planning you deep inside. The devil has already set an excellent plan and I can see the cursed devil winning. Let me tell you your current situation in your heart you have started loving him. And you don't want to lose him at any cost. Correct! Yeah I knew it. Sister Abiha, now you will turn to him and he will remain the same. That's the devil's plan. In this situation girls normally fall into the devil's trap and because of the rudeness of the guy girls try to make the guy happy and making an effort they both fall into sexual activities. Now, beware and cut all activities with him immediately. Talk to your parents now if you want to marry him. The devil will whisper that you have to study and this and that. Do not let the devil win. That is the only solution.

    Allaah Knows the Best!

  3. Well said issah and masood. Abiha reread these posts over and over again, so it sets in. I wished I had these advice ten years ago. A lot of heart ache, pain and suffering would have been avoided. Don't let your desires corrupt your heart to the point where you can't tell the difference from right and wrong. Because believe me, the most pious person can be misguided by the shaytan, like an out of body experience.

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