Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to marry my cousin but he doesn’t know – should I wait for him?

A Righteous Husband is what she wants

A Righteous Husband is what she wants


There is a cousin of mine who i wish to marry. He doesnt know that i like him. He is kind of religious guy, he doesnt speak to me. He doesnt want to get married untill he gets the job. My question is should i wait for him?

My parents know about his situation and also my feelings about him, but time passes soon, im 22 now. so my parents have started searching other guys for me based on the job they do not on the religious side. Please help !

My parents also know that my cousin is good guy, they just want to hurry up. And his family Alhamdulillah is a well to do family. All the guys have tried speaking to me making vague reasons, but this cousin never, not even even looks at any of his cousin sisters, his fathers side relation or mothers side.

This nature makes everyone think he is strict but i know and Allah knows that He is very pious, that is why i wish to marry him. We both have been put into test by Allah i guess. Also his parents are very Islamic, his mother still goes to learn about Islam and everyone supports her. That is the kind of family i want to be in..

Please please pray for me and my cousin and all our family members.


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8 Responses »

  1. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister

    It looks to me like your Cousin would be a wonderful husband Insha'Allah. Though you can't really tell if he would be interested in you or not, and it won't look good for him to reject you, after knowing that you needed him in your life. What I would suggest is that, you should talk to someone very close to you in your family who is understanding, and let him/her approach your Cousin (in a way) to see if he would be interested in marrying you or not, and then if it turns out to be that he is also interested in you, he should be encouraged to come forward and show his interest in you, so that both you and him are reserved for each other, Insha'Allah.

    As to his financial status, you can decide what to do after knowing that he is also interested in you. Perhaps, you could wait for him to get a job first since that's what he wants to do. But if he already has some little money that he supports himself with, and you don't mind sharing that little with him until he gets a job, you may let him know it so that you proceed with the Nikaah Insha'Allah.

    At the same time you should pray Istikhara for guidance in the matter; Allah will guide you in making the right decision.

    He is a religious man, and since you wanted him for his religious morals, you are also just like him, and both of you have the same thing in common (which is the most important thing). The Prophet (S.A.W.S) said: "Choose the one who is religious and you will prosper"

    May Allah unite both of you, and may He provide for you, and may He bring prosperities in your marital life!!!

    However, if your Cousin is not interested in marrying you, do not lose hope, just be strong and continue praying to Allah for Him to guide another religious man like him (or better than him) to you.

    Hope this helps Insha'Allah

    • As to your parents, it won't be right for them to force you into any marriage, which your heart does not desire, especially if they wanted that man for his financial state without any care for his religious commitments. In this case, Islam gives you every right to reject such marriage proposals.

      So just decide and stick to your decision-may Allah help you!!!

  2. AsSalaam Alaikum Sister,

    I agree with our Brother Issah's advice. I just wanted to congratulate you. I really appreciate what you said when you said, "This nature makes everyone think he is strict but i know and Allah knows that He is very pious, that is why i wish to marry him."

    It sounds like, if this marriage is permitted by Allah, then you will be one of the select few to experience true love; love for the sake of Allah. And if this marriage is not permitted, you can still be grateful, since, Masha'Allah, you have the true understanding of love in your heart.

    I pray Allah will make things easy for you.

    Your Sister

  3. Assalaam alykum sister,

    I can't believe how much incommen our situatuions have. I just posted mine too, wich is pretty much the same but I'm a little step a head. If suggest you telling him how you feel about him by asking a mutual friend that is also close to you and him. Someone who he can trust to give honest answer too and someone who you trust too.
    Either way, if the answer is positive or'll be able to move on and be more confident about your feelings. It'll be a waste of time if you keep hoping, without knowing the facts. How long will he take to get the job?

    I hope this helps, it helped for me...but i'm in a different stage right now.

    Don't lose hope in prayers sister,


  4. Aoa, my cousin is only 39 days younger then me she is my first cousin and I love her very very much and I never looked any one else although I study in beconhouse and there are many nice girls but i never talked to them.I love her from my childhood there are many more pretty cousins like her but I only love her so plz tell me your opinion what should I do tell her or not and my parents and her parents often talk of marriage but not directly cuz I Am still young,Thnx

    • You didn't say how young you are. You could talk to your parents about it, and they can let the girl's parents know about your interest. That way, even if you don't marry her now, they will not accept proposals from anyone else. Although I have to say that I am against first cousin marriage in general because it leads to increased chances of birth defects in the children. I think it should be a last resort, for example in small communities where no outside matches are available.

      Wael Editor

      • Brother sorry to interfare in someone els post but I need help some suggestion I posted in dua for anxiety plz reply me ASAP.

        Thank you

  5. Salam.

    I am going through a similar situation and don't know what to do. My cousin is back home and when ever I go he shows some kind of interest such as staring, making sure the video is on me at a wedding etc...however I got a proposal from that family quite recently...not sure if this is 100% true but I think he declined it as mum was talking about 'him' not ready for this marriage and it just made me rhink. He is very Islamic, has got a good job and seems good at heart but I am very confused about his feelings..I really like him think he's perfect but don't know what to do. I have also told mum that I am ready to marry him and she knows how I feel and is also confused.please can someone help me 🙁 I don't wanna lose a good proposal xx

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