Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m asexual and I want to get married

Assalam alaykom brothers and sisters

I'm Lebanese guy my age is 34 years old , I have been living in Australia since I was 12 years old ..

my problem is that I am asexual so I don't feel sexual attraction at all and I believe I was born this way .

at the age of 24 I got married and I thought I will change, i was forcing myself to have sex with my wife to fulfill her sexual desires and I was trying my best to be normal and make her feel happy

we had a baby after 6 months of marriage but having sex twice a week wasn't enough for my wife so we started to have problems

I was taking pills and injections to be able to make her happy but after four years she asked for divorce .

i divorced her and now she is happily married to someone who is sexually normal .

Im happy for her and everything is good but I really want to get married to someone who is asexual like me .

i don't want to get married to someone sexual and ruin her life .

i see my self as a very good religious down to earth guy

i have a very successful career and work full time alhamdulillah.

I did hajj three times alhamdulillah and I pray and I take care of my body I train five days a week and I will treat my wife like a queen but it's so hard to find a Muslimah who is asexual !

I don't mind if the girl is from out of Australia ! I'm willing to travel to meet her and ask for her hand

I really need help finding someone suitable who is asexual and Muslim .

if anyone can help please reply to my post .

may Allah reward you all and grant us all heaven inshaa Allah .

muslimasexual

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17 Responses »

  1. Assalamu'alaikum brother...
    We have almost the same problem (aside from that i haven't married anyone)
    If don't mind someone outside Australia, then I think I can offer myself. Yes i know i sounds like a cheap woman (i don't know what to call it) but it just I'm just so enough with my family asking me when will i married when I'm still looking for someone who has the same sexual orientation with me since i know I'm cannot make someone sexual happy.
    If you want to know more about me please do contact me on email : *******
    I'm from Indonesia by the way.

    • Hanifah, please do not post your email, as we do not allow it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Assalamualaikum bother,
        You said that you had wife and had some physical relationship with him though it is not enough for her. This classify not as asexual but mostly due to low hormone i.e. Low testosterone. This can be treated effectively I am sure inshaAllah with hormone replacement therapy. You said you have good job so you can afford it I think. Moreover you have a child that you mentioned so I suggest you go for a good sexual specialist and you can be feel better inshaAllah. I don't think asexual option be coming first before treating your condition if treatment is available. By the way you can fulfil a sunnah too. If not then you can opt. for the present solutions you are looking for. ZazakAllah

  2. Assalmualaikum

    It's such a pity no one bothered to reply or advice this man here. I was actually waiting for someone to address the topic of Muslim asexuals but oh well.

    I'm an asexual female and I kind of understand how hard it is for you to cope up but at the same time being someone who isn't experienced, I don't really understand either. I'm just a young kiddo aged 16 and I'm not really fond of marriage so this is a no-no.

    There might be little to jack up your spirits but don't worry mate, it's going to be fine.

    Here's two things I think you can do (I really hope no one judges me, I'm just tryna help so sowwy if I AGAIN sound insentient)

    1)Don't marry, quit the idea of marriage from your mind...anyhow,somehow :- Now see, I am not tryna sound like a green livered rude brat but here's the deal, you don't wanna ruin any girls life now, do you? I understand your jonesing for a partner to spend the rest of the life with. But its very-I emphasize on VERY- difficult to find good asexual Muslim women, I mean one of a suitable age that is. Its like searching for a needle in a hay stack.You see Muslims don't dig the asexual stuff, there isn't any "labelling" people as straight,bisexual,asexual.pansexual, etc. in Islam. You get the picture? We aren't asexuals. We're all born straight. That's how we are. But as we grow up, we are influenced by this different aura...a different insight. The media. The people. The west. It's just all confusing now. I get that part. We all do. Islamically, we're all born straight. Just like a straight line. No circle no sphere.

    Which means less asexuals for you to marry. Maybe there is one....maybe quite a handful too but they're probably just like you or worse- stuck in a marriage with no way to get out and no way to say no to their husband's when it comes to sexual intimacy.

    Tough,eh?

    Ya see, don't sweat it. Just relax. If you can't find a good Muslim asexual, don't worry. It's not that bad living your life as a good single Muslim (allow me to stress on IF he can't get married). Marriage is sunnah I agree,but it's not Fardh at least. Y'all I'm talking extreme here. You can do all your amals properly without nagging a wife or kids who wanna play horsey-horsey when you're in for a dedicated Sujood. Pardon my humour.

    But isn't living single better than ruining some straight girls life? When you know you can't provide her with what she needs? I believe it is. So therefore, if you can't give her "time", then don't do the crime.

    2) Change your quest for the best :- Okay scratch what I just said in my previous rhyme. *cough* *cough* Awkward. But it would be a miracle if an asexual can learn to adapt to a sexual surrounding. If you really wanna marry,and you don't find a Muslim asexual, then voila!! Marry a straight one. Now there's plenty of them in the arena, many good ones too. But this is going to be jihaad for you. If you really have to marry,that too a straight one then you GOTTA,you MUST make that lady happy. Congratulations, you are a husband now. You gotta do what Islam enjoins upon men and women. Get intimate with her. And if you're successful, then I don't see why you would ask for a "muslim asexual girl". This is going to take a lot of work. Perhaps awaken the sex craving man in you? This is awkward but maybe read erotic novels? Just see if it works or better, visit a sex therapist!! Doesn't work all the time but good luck with that.

    Hear me out on this. Patience. You don't need to rush. I'm proud that we have a Muslim like you. You've mentioned about so many good deeds you performed. Keep up the good work!! Don't let this marriage thing become like poison oak on your palm (believe me poison oak rashes suck). Did Hajj 3 times? MashaAllah. Go for another!! Perhaps try searching for Muslim asexuals on Islamic Matrimonial sites. I'm sure you aren't the only lonely wandering soul searching for a partner. And if it gets too hard on you, repeat this to yourself " I'm just simply on reserve, for the one who deserves!" (Okay I'll stop with my crappy poems)

    I hope you all the best in life. I'll be sure to remember you in my prayers. Make sure to remember this little sister too. Take care 🙂

    Salam.

  3. Assalaamualaykum Brother in Islam!

    I'm sorry to hear that you have had trouble finding someone suitable for marriage thus far....You seem like a genuine and good person. You've also had valuable experience through your previous marriage that better defines for you what you are looking for, and that was in Allah's plan for you as well. Don't give up if this is what you really want! As Jumana mentions, you can register on a Muslim matrimonial website...several of them, in fact, and see what results come up within a few years time. Don't expect something right away but anything on the internet gets around! Inshallah someone will be interested in finding out more about you and spending their life with you. Also, if you are not able to find a suitable Muslimah and you become desperate for marriage and companionship after a few years time (or whatever period of time your tolerance for a single life extends to) you can look at Christian and Jewish women as well. And for as long as you are single, do not feel alone. You are merely alone in this world with many other singles! Marriage is not something that is forced upon us, but rather the desire is planted in us at Allah's discretion, which is the most perfect.

    I have made a dua for you brother.

    Best,

    Nor

  4. Having sex twice a week is not abnormal .As per many reports it is normal .Its possible your ex wife might have other
    reasons to take divorce .

    If you still feel you are asexual ,I think you can try two ways

    1)Marry a girl of your age and be open to her about your condition .Probability of getting this type of girl is less .

    2)Marry a older woman (some 15-25 years older) .Most probably she will not be having very strong desires as younger one .

    I talking about probability . In way it will be good to support much older widow or divorced woman who might have less desires . You can satisfy them with other means if required.

    All the best .

  5. Assalam alaykom to you all (jumana and nor and hanifah )
    I appreciate your reply it means a lot to me and thank you for making Duaa for me may Allah reward you all
    Thank you for the advices
    I did register in Islamic marriage sites since I got divorced I had girls asking me what asexual means then never wrote back .
    anyway i thank Allah for everything:)

    Hanifah thank you for your offer ! You are not cheap you sound like a nice person

    Just register in asexual sites and you will find me I have the same name on all of them .
    Sites like
    acebook.com
    Asexuality.com
    Just search for asexual dating sites

    May Allah make it easy for us All and grant us paradise.

    • You sound like such a genuine and humble person. Pls stay strong. You will insha Allah meet someone who is compatible and worthy of you.

      I have been in a difficult and lonely marriage for 10 yrs now and am currently in the process of separating from my husband. I really crave emotional intimacy, companionship, conversation and love. So I understand your needs and feelings of loneliness and will keep you in my duas.

      My husband is making it near impossible for me leave and the stress is affecting my health.

      We all need love. I really hope to leave him and find someone who I can share my life with. There's nothing I want more right now. I related to your story. It moved me to tears. May Allah swt bring you happiness and fulfil your dreams.

      Pls keep going. There are websites dedicated to asexual people who are looking for relationships. You may meet a Muslim woman or a religiousy committed Jewish or Christian woman.

      Seek help through patience and prayer. You will find Allah swt with you.

    • Wallaykumassalaam Brother,

      You're most welcome....I'm glad we could help you at least not feel alone! Inshallah you will find a good, compatible person on Allah's most perfect timing, or something better in general. Abc's advice of looking for an older woman is a good option too!

      Prayerful sister I'm sorry to hear of your difficult marriage and hope that you too, find someone who provides the love and companionship that you deserve.

      Salam,

      Nor

  6. Salam , you can do a lot of things , firstly , tbh i wish i was asexual, because being sexual leads to sin like masturbation,fornication,adultery and other sexual tensions, i've had an experience and it was devastating, my advice is for to marry and be a virgin and adopt a baby perhaps or marry someone who already has children or is a widow or is divorced. Or dont marry anyone , you dont need someone , be with allah , be close to him , to me marriage is not necessary.

  7. So this /is/ a thing amongst Muslim guys too? I thought maybe it was just some girls.
    I can relate to the struggle. T.T Craving close companionship without all that icky business.
    As everyone said, it's probably really hard to find, esp. since Muslims don't like to openly discuss sexuality, even within the spectrum that is permissible. People like to assume you're lying or had some traumatic experience or secretly involved in haram stuff. *sigh*
    But Allah created all of us differently and has created halal ways to fulfill our various needs. So make dua and don't lose hope. Allah can easily make happen the things that seem impossible to us.
    And know that you gave another Muslim some hope that there are others like her just through your post.

  8. Assalam aleykum brother,

    I'd like to know if you are still looking for a Muslimah who is asexual?

    Thank you, barak Allahu fik.

  9. Assalaam o alaikum...

    • Sorry sister Habiba, I removed your comment as we do not allow our forum to be used for matchmaking or meeting people. You could try one of the Muslim matrimonial services like Zawaj.com or Muslima.com.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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