Islamic marriage advice and family advice

In need of istikhara advice

English Translation of the Dua for Istikhaarah

Dua for Istikhaarah

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

brothers and sisters, this is your brother in islam seeking your help and advice...

I am 25 years old alhamdulillah and thinking of getting married, however i am confused in something.

about 6 years ago i got engaged with my relative. at that time i wasn't religious so it didnt matter to me but alhamdulillah about 3 years ago i became religious and started practicing.

so now i am thinking of a spouse who is religious and on the same level of deen as i am and who could help me in my deen and who could help me in raising our children on deen. i mean this is true purpose of getting married right?

she is not religious and so is her family. i have spoken to her regarding this issue . she said that she can change herself but again wouldn't that mean she wants to change herself for me and not for Allah? and can she change after marriage and become religious? is that possible?

i am actually not comfortable with the marriage but reconsidering it to avoid problems within our families and not to break the girl's heart.

i have prayed istikhara more than once and put my trust in Allah. but i need istishara from you brothers and sisters who have experience in such cases especially sisters because they know better how girls think.

one last question. i have prayed istikhara so should i got for it if nothing happens and consider it as thats what Allah wants?? or how does it actually works?

i thank everyone in advance. may Allah bless you all and give you happiness in both worlds. jazakum Allah khair

والسلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

tangible

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5 Responses »

  1. Brother,

    i am going through the exact same stage in life, looking at proposals (i am a man as well) and getting looked at as well, so to speak lol.

    ive done istikhara for all the potentials that have come my way and there was one aspect that was common in alll the potentials (after istikhara), it would become apparent in my heart if the girl was suitable or no.

    so far every single one i have come across has felt to be unsuitable, hence i have kept the search going.
    the way i perform istikhara is to pray the Nafil (surah Kafiroon in rakah 1 and surah Ikhlaas in rakah 2) recite the dua for istikhara and keeping that specific girl in mind and moving forward with the proposal.

    something or the other would go wrong everytime.
    but over all its what your heart says, and how you are faced with obstacles when ever you move out to complete the marriage proceedings.

    now, where do we draw the line of being too choosy,and between Allah's Qudrah play its role, i have no idea on how to differentiate the two, what i am comforted by, however, is as below:

    1) i perform istikhara, and move forward with the proposal, the proposal ends immediately for no major reason;

    2) i myself get very very uneasy with the girl and start having episodes of depression and when the proposal talks end, i get comfortable and de-stressed.

    anyway thats what been happening with my marriage attempts; i hope i havent confused you even more.

    hope that helped,
    Allah knows best and may HE guide us all.

    • salam , can istakhara be done to take advice on a great problem like about a sufferring ..
      I m sufferring nd its the tough time of mylife, can i do istakhara for an advice from Allah swt ..

  2. Ws wr wb
    Plz read istikhara links on this website. The whole concept has been explained beautifully.
    You could turn out to be a source of hidaya for your fiancé. Who could be a better life partner than that!
    Each one of us connects to deen and Allah SWT in our own ways. Anybody and anything could be a source of that hidaya. Be happy that you can be that source. Marriage also means encouraging each other in religion. Since you are to be the head of the family, you can guide her. Besides, she is willing to change too. That is a positive thing.  
    That being said, understanding of religion is something that makes one want to see the same in our near and dear ones. If it is making somebody alienate themselves from others, then one needs deep and serious introspection.

  3. Assalam-o-aliakum
    Brother,first of all you see that what she kept exact veiw of islam then according to that you start to teach her.you can share that how your life changes and you turned to a good muslim.you told that she is not belonging to islamic enviornment,but she is sincere to change her life then you also help her.see Allah is benefical and merciful,your work is to take her to Allah and then Allah works is to gave her guidance.six years are not short time peroid she attached to you mentally but indeed religion is first,you talk to her and observe that is she really taking interest or sincere in islamic activites or only want to make you happy.if she really does then you will continue otherwise leave her. if you leave her only the sake of Allah then Allah will surely give you ten times better than her.to quick learn about what quran say about girls.you recomended her suhrah Noor which contain all the information how girls like to be in islam.
    Hope that helped
    Allah(S.W.T) knows best and guide us best.

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