Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Jealous Problem about past event

broken trust, trust, broken marriage, lies

Assalaam walaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barrakaatahu
I am from India Bangalore I am 30 years old now, I got married in the age of 23 after my graduation, with my classmate. It was a love marriage. Please read my story completely with patience, because your 5 mins patience might save mine and my wife’s life, please it is a humble request.

As we studied in evening college, we were working in day time. Before my wife could love me, she was casually speaking to everybody.

and when I was just friend to her (when we were in college), she had a friend in office (Non Muslim) his name was Shashidhar... My wife was a type of girl who will never speak to indecent people.

This guy was very silent and descent in the office, and as from office to college she needs to come by walk, she used to ask him to drop her to college by walk, I mean to accompany her to college.. It (college) was hardly half a kilometer from her office.

Like that only they became very good friends and Saturday her work used to get over by 2PM and evening college was at 5:20PM.. So she needs to wait in office only, as going back to home and coming will be late..
So they started to roam (just walking thats it) in the same area only from 2:00-2:30PM till 5:20PM (College Time) and in college leave time, She used to ask him to drop her to bus stop by walk only. As she was scared to walk alone and this person was so caring and descent. She has been to film with him and also twice to park with him, as Saturday till 5:20 they cannot walk and need to sit. She had so much trust on him and also he was so caring and never behaved in indecent manner at all, in any way.

Infact she has told me also about this in college, before we loved (when we were friends). And at last, they become so close that they used to speak a lot even after he left office and she joined another branch. At last when we loved (me and my wife) next day she called him only first and told that we are in love for which he got wild and told he was loving her, He said, She has roamed with him and spoken over the phone a lot.

So my wife got angry and told that she never thought like that. And once in between of their friendship.. after drunk he had called her and told that he likes her..
so next day my wife did not speak to him. so he called and apologized telling his friends were teasing him and he was drunk and dint knew wat was he speaking. And said he will never behave like that again and can be friends. Only because he was drunk and will never behave like that, as from all these friendship he did not do like this, only because he was drunk he did this.

Infact he never misbehaved or acted in such a way with her before this incident or after this. Initially when I started to message my wife, she used to tell him only that, I message her somewhat. And he used to tell to ignore me. And due to family pressure my wife thought to marry a person in her relative only, who was in Dubai. So expectation was until her graduation (3 years) he will return and she can get married to him. Even he used to call her from Dubai once or twice in a month, just for 2mins max 2 and a half minute. No love nothing, just as relatives they used to ask “Khair-Khairiyath” and keep. About this even this person (Shashidhar) knew.

Later when my wife started loving me, she told him only about that also as they were very close, She might have started loving me. For that also he used to tell, be careful, boys are not good these days.

But finally, when we loved, with lots of happiness, first she wanted to tell her friend only, who used to take care of her a lot. So happily she called him in the morning, as usual she did everyday as soon as she came to office and with lots of happiness she said that, mine and her love story has started, when she said she is loving me.. He said he was loving her. From first he did not see her as friend, he was loving her and asked her not to leave him and all those things. So my wife said, she did not feel like that, she thought he was a very good friend. And she also asked about that day when he was drunk and told her he liked her. But later he said that he was drunk and dint mean it.

He said she was angry so said like that, and requested a lot to love him. But she said that cannot happen and will never happen at all. And kept the phone. Later he said, sorry for whatever happened and can be friends. So she said, she has told me about whatever he said. So he said he will ask sorry to me if required, but can be friends. He wants friendship. When she told me about this, I was bit jealous and told her to ignore him. For a week or so, he was calling and she changed the number. She left talking and friendship of a very good friend because of me. From then he did not disturb her, though he knew her office and college never he came and troubled her or me. But it was a disaster for my wife as he was a very good friend of her and was helping in every means. All this happened in 3 months of time, their friendship was for 3 months, before that, hardly they were speaking and he was just walking with her to college in the evening thats it. But in the last 3 months they became close, where 2 months college was leave, and he used to tell her not to go alone anywhere and used to drop her to bus stop everyday, and spoke a lot and they became close. My wife thought she got a very good friend who can take care about her, in this present world where we cannot trust anybody.

Later after some months one of my wife’s friend (Sowmya) from the same old office called her and said about him that everyday he drinks and calls her to talk about my wife, and asks her (Sowmya) to give my wife’s number. That also I told her to ignore.

1 year or 1 and half year after that we both got married and now Alhamdulilla we have 2 kids. But now for some reason and in between of fight I told my wife that she was roaming with him. In angry she also said, that was only good. This has happened few times in our married life, me or my wife never mean that, just in angry we say.

As I have 100% hope on my wife and also she loves me so very much. But this time, I have taken her words very seriously and everyday fighting with my wife, that she had roamed with him. Actually I swear not with doubt but, with jealousy. I feel her voice, her talk, her actions, her company he has seen and enjoyed right. Feeling very jealous and fighting everyday with my wife. It has become serious issue now.

Now feeling I should have kept that person's contact and made him jealous at that time, so that now I wouldnt have struggled a lot. Please help me, the fight has gone to maximum extent. I am unable digest that, he saw her in that sight (nigah). She was thinking friend only but, he saw her in that nigaah... And without knowing it, she was roaming with him, not so regularly but, atleast 3 months he has seen her in that nigaah.

So fight continues, and it has gone to attempt to die or divorce. Please help me how to digest that.

Please tell me what should I do. I have told all my story just to get a accurate answer. And I know you WILL definitely give me a solution.

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6 Responses »

  1. You already knew about your wife friend before marriage and also knew what your wife thought about him.. So why creating issues based on your past when you have two gifts given by Allah as children!add parents both of you are creating a very bad impression in front of them died too which going forward they might actually start to believe that their parents have bad character.. I think bringing past just for the sake of hurting each other is going to lead you both in the direction of hatred.. Because you are hurting your wife by talking about her past she is also purposely saying that her friend was good only to make you more upset in other to take revenge for your fights with her.. Only way is to talk to each other peacefully and not to drag the pasts.. She is not at all interested in that man to be very clear to you.. She is also saying such things in anger so you need to keep cool..

  2. Straight forward reply to you in an honest way..

    YOU NEED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

    Are you insane ? Why are you getting jealous now and about what after being a father to 2 kids. You could have got Jealous when she was roaming with him in front of your eyes. So since that time you asked her to IGNORE shashidhar why dont you IGNORE your thoughts now ?

    You are spoiling and exploiting your Marriage. You seriously need to change your mentality before its too late.

    Good Luck

  3. Dear Brother: First you should calmly speak to your wife and tell her you are sorry for any unhappiness you may have caused her. Period. Apologize for your jealousy. That means NOT discussing or mentioning anything she has done -- imagined or real.

    While your wife should limit any contact with any man she is not married or related to, she has no control over anyone who develops feelings for her and then acts like a 14 year old stalker boy with a drinking problem. Focus your attention on your own behavior, your children and your household. Don't make your wife's life miserable with drama and immature behavior yourself. Your "attempt to die" language is a red flag, a warning to many people that you might be best served speaking to a mental health professional about your jealousy. You should know that even if a man is handsome, a good provider and well mannered no woman want to be around anyone who is extremely jealous. She will never be happy with him.

  4. I'm lost...can't keep up with your colourful life...

  5. Where can we post queries for our problems? Please guide.

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