Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Married to an educated but verbally abusive man

Verbal abuseI am writing this to vent out as currently I have no one around to discuss with. Thousands of miles away from my parents and siblings, it seems that I am stuck. Have a one beautiful child and cannot be more thankful to Allah for this beautiful gift. But I am broken from inside. Being mocked, bullied, abused every other day.

It is me who reconcile every time by putting my ego and self respect on a side for the sake of my child  and due to having no financial support to move away. Married to a highly educated person, who is angel in eyes of others is a mental torturer for me. Has no sympathy towards me not even on humanitarian basis.

It is being second year of torture for me. He treats me as a maid for my child. Threatens to punish if child might have some minor childhood accidents as slipping, grabbing things etc. There are times when I really want to run away. But I am still trying to make it.

What should I do? Do not know yet. Probably time will tell.

-br


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4 Responses »

  1. Dear sister,
    I feel your pain.... I'm going thru the same thing.... its been 11 years and his behaviour was exactly like your husband in the beginning except that I was physically abused too, please leave him , he won't change infact it will get worse, for every mistake of the child u will.be blamed taunted ridiculed and held responsible. My husband too is highly educated but he is very rude to me n my daughter at times. I'm saying all.this so that u understand men like these won't change, its a cycle of abuse, certain period they will be good and after sometime they will turn abuser... but verbal abuse goes on always. And they are so talented that they will make u feel guilty and responsible for their behaviour. So we women tend to think it was our own mistake.... NO, HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS WORDS AND ACTIONS. Now im planning to put an end to this and leave him.. sister it will cost you your health if u continue staying with such toxic person. Please leave.... take support from your family.. emotional abuse is far damaging than physical abuse.

  2. Sister so sorry for the situation you are going through... it is really difficult for a person to live with such abusive person but you have to be strong no matter what i will recommend you to pray to ALLAH ALMIGHTY that he gets better and pray tahajjud too and see your prayers will be fulfilled INSHALLAH search for some wazifas too on the youtube surely that would be helpful too it is really hard but you have to be kind towards him and i know it is really hard but just try things will get better ofcourse if you pray IN SHAA ALLAH

  3. Assalaamualaykum Sister br,

    I am so sorry about what you are going through. The combination of your husband being both "highly educated" and a "torturer" is a terrible one for you, as he is very intelligent and using that intelligence for evil and to hurt you.

    It sounds like it is still early in your marriage, and your having a daughter is MORE reason to leave (divorce) this man, not less! You do not want her to grow up seeing his behavior towards you. It could teach her to disrespect you, it could pain her, and could hurt the both of you greatly. When she is of age for marriage, she may choose a partner similar to your husband who will abuse her, because that's all she knows. So please be brave for the both of you, and leave this marriage.

    Also, I strongly recommend that you read the Salat Al-Hajat, the 2-rakah prayer for a need. Try to read it every day until you see the way out of your situation. Allah will begin to make your path clear to you.

    Again, so sorry for your pain and discomfort sister.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  4. No, "time will not tell" - you are wrong. If you remain passive and submissive, nothing is going to change in your husband's behaviour. At least not for the better...he will most probably push more boundaries and get worse, because you allow him to treat you like that. If there's any hope of him making changes, please do get him to see a counsellor...encourage him to get help with anger management and whatnot. If he refuses to take any action, leave him. Simple as that. Don't waste your youth and your child's wellbeing. Life is also too short and precious for bullshit like this, honestly. He's not the only man on this massive planet.

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