My mother has major issues with my financially challenged husband
Salam,
I am a 32 year old female, and got married with great difficulty. My parents were totally against my marriage. I belong to a very strong family background, in financial terms. My husband comes form a low income family.
Now that I am married, my mother keeps on degrading me and my husband. She calls and insults me, saying things like, "Because of you I cannot show my face in public and family," etc.
We only had one marriage reception, and my parents paid for it and now my mother keeps on calling and asking for the money. At the moment we cannot pay my mother back.
I feel very ashamed and get mad at my husband at times, and think that maybe I took a wrong step in marrying this guy. I love him a lot, but we have financial issues.
Can you please help me in deciding what I should do?
Thanks,
- nedz
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dear sister allah bless you you have to live your life not you mom dad with that person! support your husband whatever he is make him feel goood allah will be happy by that! and money dosnt matter for a women at all ! you be happy with your husband and thats it?
ur mom is getn hyper due to socila things that dsnt mater in islam!
even our prophet nabi s.a.w married in difernt cultures did he thought abt this society he spread islam that we can marry anyone who is muslim!
deat support ur husband and he wd do great job down the lane pray to allah for financial things and allah will give you that even i wd pray for you sister!
The advice above was very good I believe, masha'Allah. If I can add a few things. Your provision, what you will earn in this life is already written. Sometimes you are blessed with a lot of wealth and sometimes with not so much. The question is, are you spending your money well? Or are you just not making as much as your mother approves? .. In the end it's no ones business except yours and your husband's, but you need to help yourselves. If your answer is you are not spending your money right, then yes this is an issue. You need to both sit down and decide what you NEED and what you 'want'. That always helps to eliminate wasteful spending. If it's just not enough according to your mother's standards but your husband and you are well then Alhamduliah, just "shake it off". I know it's hard, but try really hard to shake it off for the sake of Allah subhanhu wa tala. Your standard is not set by what you mother perceives as good or acceptable. Live within your means and be proud of it, Insha'Allah. There are a lot of social pressures in this world, either from family, friends or even just society in general. Don't allow it to cloud your happiness and life.
A husband and wife are suppose to be a comfort to each other; a soft spot. Your husband needs his wife to support him, be loving towards him, and appreciate the things he does. What is meant for you, you will get, be content with what you have and don't spoil the blessings you have. Some people may have money but not a spouse they love. So alhamdulilah it looks like you're better than many! Love each other, be a comfort to each other, and don't complain. It is the women that will be in the hell fire due to their ungratefulness, so be careful.
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet said: "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah?" (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you." Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 2, Number 28
Lastly, I suggest you put money aside every month to slowly pay your mom off. It's probably easier if you just put it aside until you get the full amount or a significant amount to pay her back so she doesn't nag or annoy even further. People that dwell on money and materialism lack a depth within themselves, so have mercy on your mother and lower your wing of humility - even if it's painful, if your intention is for Allah subhanhu wa tala it will all be worth it Insha'Allah.
Umm Abdullah
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams sister nedz
I agree with the above posts, remember this is your marriage. Your mum is just being selfish because you are happy she’s actually inferring and thinking of herself. Support your husband and always be there for each other do not let your mum influence you in the decisions you made they were correct ones for you. Money is not everything sister and yes marriage is not easy everyone has ups and down but the couple are the ones who need to work it out between themselves. It just shows your mum unfortunately at this case is really not as understanding as she should be with your difficult situation at the moment. My advise bit by bit pay her off and cut back on the spending so you can pay your mum asap that way she can leave both of you alone.
I wish you all the best.
Salaam Sister
I hope everything will get better between you and your mum. Your mum should accept your husband for who he is. Not what he has. Just as long as he's keeping you happy, that is more than enough. Money cannot buy happiness.
If your mum has so much of money, why does she keep pestering you? Well anyways what was her's belonged to her. You should pay her back in instalments.
Take care
Rumaysa
salams.
even i am suferring from a similar problem sisters.few months back i got a proposal from my cousin.(my cousin s parents asked mine)but my mom hid it from me cos he is not financially up to our level .as far as i know he is a person of a very good character. i am not able to ask or tell my parents that i too like him,thou we never met.i am getting proposals from people of similar financial background but i am mot interested. and my mom says a husband should be able to spend well on his family as a sign of his love... all this makes me confused. i prayed isthikara but i couldnt understand the meaning of my dreams.
salams sisters is there any help in the form of advice that i can get .. i really love this site and the wonderful solace and comfort given by all muslim bothers and sisters esp sis maria, sis haaniyya and wael.can anyone pls advice on my problem. i posted one few days back but its still pending .m getting very depressed day by day and losing my temper too;(cos of feeling very lonely and suffering from diabetes at this age.
As salamu alaykum Faryas,
We are posting questions from January, there is a que of two months. Don´t let others disturbs you so much, listen to your Heart.
May Allah(swt) bring Peace and Love to your Heart. Ameen.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor