Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Mother in law making herself dependent on me.

Muslim woman in hijab

I have gotten married just 2 months ago and moved into my inlaws. My husband is working but he isn't earning enough to get us our own house. We have many people in our house. All my inlaws.

Now the problem is, since i have moved here, my mother in law is turning over all her chores one by one to me. I, on the other hand, am a sick person. I have arthritis. I wake up with pains and sleep with pains in many parts of my body. Now that i have to cook for mashAllah 6 elderly men, my right shoulder and arm burns with pain every night.

As for my mother in law, she was the one doing it all by herself before my arrival. It never in her life seemed a problem to her because she mashAllah has 8 sons. Me, I hardly made breakfast for myself back at my parents house. None of my other brother in laws wives have to face demands from her because they can openly say no, I cannot. I can not say no to her and she is taking advantage of that. Just because I'm making myself responsible, she is putting the burdens of her house on me. I am amazed at how she is making a scene of being unable to take care of the responsibilities while just two months ago she was doing it all and bragging about it. She isn't only demanding but dictating, what to do and how to do.

I am looking for a job here in New Dehli, and want to move out with my husband after I get one but she is making herself so dependent on me that i feel bad about leaving her. She is planning to move out with us, which i cannot take. I want to live my own life. I can't and won't stop my husband from doing what he does for his mother currently, but my tolerance is at its end. I am getting depressed. I hardly get time for myself.

What do i do in my present situation? How do i make myself calm?


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6 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister,

    As part of becoming married to your husband and also in your culture, I believe its normal to help your mother In law cooking for 8 -10 person is not a big chores cmon...

    and as you said that your mother inlaw has 8 sons and shes doing it all for his life, try to put your situation in her shoes, just understand her she might have more pains in her body than yours..

    if she will ask you to wash her underwear carry the cabinet i believ that is to much but cooking and cleaning its part of helping one another at home.

    and if she will not ask you to cook what you will do at home??

    Apologized if my words are harsh, you should exercise and eat healthy food so you will have energy to help your family. being kinds with them and not always complain be thankful, as long as she treat you nicely..

    • This response fails to look at a number of issues.
      Service to her husband's mother and family is not obligatory upon her, especially when it is causing her harm.
      The problem isn't energy, the problem is arthritis.
      From reading this, it seems as if the treatment is not nice.
      Even when it comes to serving the husband (not the family), that is according to what is reasonable and customary. Ibn Taymiyah said: "She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman." (al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561) How can the family place this kind of expectation of a weak woman?

    • Hi can anyone answer my prblem I recently asked 4 questions please .

      • Did you submit them as pending posts? There is a wait time of several weeks for questions to be answered. Also, if your questions are related or similar, you should combine them into one, rather then four.

        Wael Editor

    • Wael,
      Yes there in pending status , please my questions are not related to each other I really need my answers now please do something , jazak Allah

    • Fatima, do you know what arthritis is? Do you know it eventually will become worse to the point where you can do not much and make your body weaker? There is no cure only painkillers. Its debilitating. The pain is unbearable and keeps you up even at night.

      Also I am puzzled as to why instead of supporting the sister you think it's natural for her to assume ALL duties of a large household. No, her responsibility is only herself and her husband. This is islam. If the mother in-law needs help, she has 8 sons can probably afford a maid.

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