Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My cousin slandered me by saying I had sex with him

Lies, telling lies, lyingPlease help me. I have this cousin who says I have performed sexual relations with him. He puts his hand on the Quran and swears in front of everybody. Everyone in my family believes him.

I don't know what to do. My image is tarnished. I want to kill myself. I have lost faith in Allah. I have lost the will to live.

Please don't keep your answers limited to "pray and keep faith" because it's just not practical.


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22 Responses »

  1. First of my dear don't kill your self and if it is true what you say about him putting his hand on Quran and lying then don't worry ALLAH will punish him and so sad to hear your family believes himbut don't lose hope stand strong stand firm and In SHa ALLAH will make everything right but don't stop trusting ALLAH. Trust ALLAH and pray everyday and read Quran and ask your cousin and his family if he has any proof of this what that happened between you and him.
    Kind Regards

    Sohaib Akhtar

  2. AoA,

    You also put your hand on Qur'aan to prove your view.

    If the cousin is wrong, then you will see the results of his falsehood soon.

    face the situation strongly and be bold.


  3. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    I'm not going to get into the issue of your losing faith in Allah, suicidal thoughts, etc. We've published many posts about such issues and you can search our archives. Also read my article on Suicide In Islam (at the top of the page).

    From a practical standpoint, I suggest that you call your cousin and secretly record the call. Ask him why he is lying against you, and get him to admit it.

    If you have a smart phone, there are apps you can download for recording calls. Skype also has apps that allow you to record calls.

    Why is your cousin doing this, anyway? What is the history between you two?

    Wael Editor

  4. OP: I have this cousin who says I have performed sexual relations with him. He puts his hand on the Quran and swears in front of everybody. Everyone in my family believes him

    Have you done any thing sexual with your cousin........other then sexual intercourse?

  5. Salaam Popila,
    Don't lose your trust in Allah.If as you say there was not such relations with him at all, and he swore on the Quran, Allah will show him the results sooner than later.Just be PATIENT. This will be shown to him in many forms at some point in his life or the hereafter.

    Your family is wrong and they shouldn't be thinking that way. As for you, keep praying to Allah to clear you from this allegation and for the guidance of your family on this matter. As Wael explained above, also try to tempt your cousin by speaking to him over the phone and record your conversation with him.There are so many ways you can bring this lie up in your talks and he will, may be after sometime, confess his lies.This will put an end to this issue.

    Above all, you need Allah in this matter.Remember and read about the story of Aisha and the slander against her.This story will give you inspiration. Thinking about taking away your life will not help anyone.It will make you look guilty.

  6. Astagfirullah sister, i'm so so sorry to hear that,

    Allah warns those who falsely accuse womens Chasity, they are cursed in this life and the hereafter,

    Sister you must try your best to defeat these suicidal thoughts from the Shaytaan, Allah is on your side right now, however if you take your life he won't be, committing suicide will avail you nothing sister, it is not the answer, why should you suffer eternally because of the wickedness of another? you deserve more then your thinking, although i am not underestimating the destruction that this type of slander can cause especially for a women.

    One of the best women, Aaisha may Allah be pleased with her, was slandered also, although she was the wife of our beloved prophet, Allah will give you Justice sister, whether it is in this life or the Aakhira,

    If you do choose to call your cousin in an attempt to get him to admit the truth, if you can have a witness with you i think this would be better, perhaps a parent, or a sibling, Just so he cannot lie that you blackmailed him, or that he says you phoning him is evidence that you had some sort of relationship.

    I do not know what on earth is wrong with your cousin that he would do such a thing to you, keep as far away from him as possible, your family are so wrong for refusing to believe in you, but take comfort in the fact Allah see and hears everything, this is a test for you sister please remember this, do not underestimate the power of Dua and Allah's mercy, Dua is the weapon of the believer, and the dua of the oppressed is readily accepted by Allah.

    May Allah make this trial easy for you sis

  7. hi all kind hearted people,

    can some one please explain me what would be the bad situation that she has to face if he could make this lie true by making all as to believe that bad person words?

    please help her not only just saying to pray alla or any other god. be practical she is about to loose her dignity, by just praying only alla or any other god things wont get cure, if yes she might have not gone this bad situation, please be practical please save her dignity, please save my sister. and finally please please please come out of those old aged traditions buy believing lairs just because they have promised on holey book whether it is bhagavad gita, quran, bible, or any other holey book.

    please please please do not exploit women, please do not limit women, please do not make women cry.

    please save her dignity, and make women's independents and let them have their own rights more realistic, as you all know that its all our responsibility to save our CREATURE our WOMEN our PROSPERITY.




    • Salam Walakum

      Brother/Sister everyone male/ female thus far that has commented on this thread has been in support of this sister? Nobody has even insinuated that she is a liar,

      we share your upset and anger at the circumstances the sister finds herself in and we understand the implications of slander especially towards women in this instance,

      As Muslims we turn to Allah through hardship and through ease, the BEST advice you can give to someone in this situation or any, is to turn to Allah, since nothing happens without his permission,

      I assume you are a Muslim however, if you truly believe that turning to Allah will not achieve anything, why are you a Muslim? or why are you posting on an forum which is used to discuss matters of Islam.

      Islam gives women many many rights, Muslim women do not require activists to give us rights, Allah has already given them to us, however there are wicked Men and wicked women who commit evil, that is not the fault of our lord, or his religion, Islam is perfect, Man isn't ,

      May Allah help this sister and clear her name.

      • dear brother, thank you for your reply.

        I found you as good educated by the polite way you have spoken throughout your reply. and those vocabulary you have used.

        Here I have to tell you something that i am a man, from India, and my religion is Hindu, and i am very sorry for using this holy forum,as for women and their voice.

        and Wright now I am very happy to ask something more interesting, but for that can i please request you to assume both of us as we do not belong to any religion (neither Hindu, nor Muslim man) for some time. if so please go on, other wise bye.

        Lets assume, what she has mentioned is Wright, it is happing to her as of now, and that devil son has proved that what he said was Wright. then what would be her position, Don't you know that my dear friend? have ever experienced or have you ever known issue like these. don't you know how brutality is happening to women all over world.

        you are saying that women were given to by lord (any god Rama, Allah, Jesus) if so i am asking here with tears on eyes and with feelings in my hart towards women, that right does lord has to give women to men ?

        if lord has given women, he has just given responsibility of her to you, but not rights on her, just understand that my dear brother, please do not get anger.

        even in 2015 there are so many women (including my religion and country) on this earth who are facing domestic violence in the name of god. even for small things which they do for their happiness, those activity's are being converted as sins and they are being punished very badly.
        my views are not only based on only one religion it applicable to all religions on the earth. even i am also seeing so many discrimination against women in my own religion but i am unable to protest against that discrimination against women because of people groupism. and still all my innocent women are ending up by prying to god still they die, please please come out of that my dear brothers, if god can alone save women, he might not let her to have that situation in her life, but the happiest thing here is that we have some people who are fighting for women wrights and freedom, and we have law that supports women, and saves them from domestic violence. i am very sure we do not just need god and his blessings, we need people who fight for women's freedom.
        but this is my final conclusion, that "WOMEN WERE NOT GIVEN TO YOU BY GOD INFACT YOU WERE GIVEN BY WOMEN TO GOD (religion, community, family etc.) through your birth" please change your tiny part of followings towards women, expect that you are so great, i am telling you from my hart that you people are very great except that i mentioned.

        thank you and please take my comments as positively which will help this generation, and this world.

        thanks once again.
        bye bro.

        • Sir,

          I am female,

          The purpose of my being is to serve Allah, please do not ask me to not think as a non Muslim, since Islam defines my thoughts, when it doesn't i have gone astray...

          I salute your concern regarding the maltreatment of women across the world, and agree this is a very very real issue.
          However with respect, your understanding of Islam seems to be quite confused.
          Firstly Islam does not dictate that a woman is 'Owned' by Man? rather Islam dictates both men and women on equal footing, are owned by Allah/God alone their creator and sustainer.

          Islam is not responsible for the evil that Man does, whether that be Murder or domestic abuse, since all forms of injustice are forbidden in the religion,The sin of the oppressor is considered by Islam a lofty sin, the below link explains this in detail.

          Islam came with a message that was revolutionary, it uplifted the status of women from less then cattle, used and discarded, to respected beings in their own right, over fourteen hundred years ago, long before the supposed great democracies of today, Islam commanded that women be given the following rights,

          * To not be seen as a sexual object
          * To Inheritance
          * To Education
          * To Divorce
          * To choose a marriage partner
          * To be sustained
          * To be protected
          * To not be slandered
          * To be treated in Kindness
          * To have ownership over her property

          This list in not exhaustive,

          without God, the true God and adherence to his commandments my friend, morality becomes subjective..... since the woman is the weaker sex, she automatically then becomes at the mercy of man, the more dominant sex.....

          Wheresoever you see man/culture/religion/society/those who claim to be Muslim etc, oppressing women, by removing/abusing any of the above rights, be certain that this is not Islam....

          I invite your to broaden your understanding of Islam, I have studied the religion, and alternate religions and conclude, that there is not a better place for a women then Islam,

          • thanks for your replay,

            but, i can not consider what is in the holey books of all religions against for some real time happenings. i just want you to understand that how people are exploiting great words (laws) in the holey book of all religions (whether you agree or not, it is true) . but i can say that i can consider what is going around me even in my family , one of them i want to tell you my friend, one of my relatives daughter (sister to me) got in to relationship with a Muslim boy ( he did not consider religion as he should not spend time with women before marriage). and she got pregnant by him (2.again he violated religion rule that he should not have bad relation with girl before marriage (zina)) but when it comes to marriage, as all boys in all religion he is not ready to take the responsibility. but finally issue has reached to parents level, both parents had a discussions and you know some thing more interesting that bridegroom parents this time followed that religion aspects, and she was forced to convert to Islam. and i can say that she was forced to embrace Islam (yes it is true) if she wants to get married to that guy. and you mentioned some rights that women is enjoying in Islam. now she is forced to wear hijab even she did not like to wear, she is not allowed to talk to her friends more frequently as in her past, and she is not allowed her own gods of Hindu even when she comes to her parents home even though her parents are praying Allah as one of god because of her. (i dont know whether it is said in holy book or not ), and you mentioned some rights those are very good ones and i am happy to have them in religion (and those are not sufficient). now can you please help me to help my sister in following issues please brother.

            1. she is not interested to wear burka and hijab as since her child hood she was not wearing them to cover her head to toe, even still today she not interested to do so. which law supports her to convince her in laws and her husband to let her wear dress she likes as before. she really upset over this bro, please help me bro please. at the same time she wants to enjoy all festivals including Hindus.
            great suggestion would be appreciated. (please do not say to divorce him)

            thank you.,
            your brother. sateesh.

          • Assalaamualaikam

            I am sorry to hear of your friend's experience. But it is important not to generalise this experience to all of Islam - there are millions of Muslim women, myself included, who have had very different experiences and take great comfort in our faith.

            My advice to your friend would be to learn more about Islam, and decide for herself whether she believes in it or not.

            If she concludes that actually, she doesn't believe in the core principles of Islam - that there is no god but Allah, and Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the Messenger of Allah - then it's understandable that she might feel unhappy at being unable to practise things that she does believe in. In that case, she may be happier in a relationship with someone who shares her beliefs; staying in a relationship in which she feels forced to follow things she does not believe or feels oppressed, is likely to result in her feeling resentful towards her husband and in-laws.

            If instead she accepts and believes in Islam, then she might benefit from getting involved in a sisters-only study group and/or charitable projects at her local masjid. It can feel lonely to have accepted a new faith if you don't have social contact with people who share your values - if she starts making friends with other Muslimahs, inshaAllah she may find herself with a whole new social life and new interests, which can be very helpful when making changes in her lifestyle.

            If she is feeling under excessive pressure to do things she doesn't feel ready for, then she should speak with her husband about this. He can then support her and explain to his family that, as a new Muslimah, she needs time to explore and feel comfortable with her faith.

            If you or she require more advice, please follow the instructions on our submission guidelines, and submit your question as a new post for publication. It can then be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.

            I would ask that we now return to the topic of the published question, inshaAllah.


  8. Can the shirk in this post be deleted please

  9. Assalamu alaikum,

    What i advice you to do is to also swear by the same Quran he swore in front of family members. Swear three times that you didn't do it and the fourth time too that if you indeed did then Allah should punish him. that is the ruling on swearing in Islam.

  10. Assalam alaikum,

    Sometimes in life you have to learn the hard lesson of what to care about and what not to care about. In your particular situation you are meant to learn the harsh lesson that some people in your family do not care about you neither do they love you. If they did, they would not be shallow and easily fall for someone who puts their hand on the Quran to lie. They either know you or they don't. They made their decision about you--it is now your turn to make your decision about them.

    Allah knows the truth and His opinion is above all others. Learn from this lesson about who you can and cannot trust. Move forward in an intelligent way and start to intelligently take steps in your life for your betterment which includes leaving the opinions of those who have no care or love for you, despite their relation to you. It isn't easy and no one will tell you it is--but for survival, it is necessary. Do you want to move on?

    May Allah swt ease your pain. Remember:

    Part of Verse [3:26]
    "You give honor to whomever You want and humiliate whomever You want. In Your hands is all virtue and You have power over all things."

  11. ALLAH'S KNWS AND IF IT DID HAPPEN Allah forgiving ....

    Tell them u didn't and stop this.there's no proof just him saying ..Nd wht r they trying to achieve...
    Discover is nt good took and nt talk of Muslims. ...leave this and move forward get some wise elder to put some sense into this ...

    U stay pattient Allah sees u just gt some ppl to talk sense into this loonatic

  12. I would like to ask a question. Is swearing on Quran allowed in Islam ? I mean I don't find it as a good act.
    Like as she has mentioned above, that her cousin swore on Quran.and what he swore about,is a lie. Isn't it like using Quran just for your benefit.? he doesnt even have a good relation with Allah.then why?? I mean I am 100% sure that he wouldn't even had read Quran for years,as you can easily tell that by his actions.because he has no fear of Allah in his heart. Good people just dont have to swear on things or prove things to people about anything ,because everything in the end,turns out good for them..
    as Allah doesn't burden someone more than he can bear.
    Plus the situation she would be going through, or went through ,I can imagine how worse it would be for her to live. But I believe the only one to give justice,is nobody but Allah. He would probably help her.sooner or later, but He would.because He is seeing everything.
    Prayers for her.. be patient .Allah loves those who keep patience even if everything is Turning out to be a hell for them. Because you can't see the good things already waiting for you.

  13. Sister this is only a test be strong, why worry Allah knows who is truthful. You think when people lied on the prophets they just gave up and want to die? No they just trust in Allah. Be strong my sister

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