Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband depends on me financially

My husband and I are living in different countries. He studies abroad and I am also a student. When we were getting married, I sent him the money to pay for my own dowry, and send him money on a weekly basis to support him with his daily needs. I would work so hard and do all that, and this has been going on for 2 years now, but now I feel he is taking that for granted, always getting angry and shouting at me if I don't send him money despite any situation I am in. I am really tired of spending so much and not investing in myself and I am slowly losing respect for him as he is financially dependent on me and my family. And what hurts me most is that, I feel as if some of my family members are looking down on him as he can't provide for me at all.

I guess this is all having an impact on me and I am tired of it. I sometimes wish I had a man who could financially support instead and especially now that I am pregnant, I am feeling even more stressed because he expects me to be financially supporting him while I am attending to my pregnancy needs. It hurts me a lot and I get angry every time I think about it. Please advise me on what to do.


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5 Responses »

  1. A man in Islam has to take care and maintain his wife love and respect.It is his duty to provide cloth shelter food. This person is riding you like a horse.Who knows what evils has come into him because he seems to be a weak muslim. also....sister he gives the dowry not you. Sister you can do much better .If you have to divor him then do do.Life is too short for petty games.Remember success in both of the worlds is only in obeying the orders of Allah.It doesnt matter how much education or wealth a person has he will be in loss because Allah is the one who sustains and controls all affairs!!!

  2. If he is simply taking you for granted, there is a solution. Stop sending him money. Even if he gets angry and shouts. Don't entertain this behavior because then you are responsible for it. You said he is studying? So he will be able to provide soon enough?

    If this doesn't work, I would suggest counseling? Talk to his family? You're pregnant and divorce should be a last last resort.

    It is strange that you paid him a dowry when he should've been paying you a mahr. It's completely different.

  3. Sister is time to focus on you and your baby, he or she will need many things and you shouldn't be the only one providing, stop sending your husband money if you can provide for both of you so can he you both study what's holding him from getting a job just like you have one?
    Specially now that your pregnant you need to talk to him and tell him you need for him to provide for you and your child as is his duty as a husband!
    If he shouts and gets angry let him! He needs to grow up and he needs a little tuff love from you as he is taking advantage of you

  4. Sister,

    Many students hold part and full time jobs. Why is it that he is not working to help support his own needs?! It's absurd that he is relying solely on you. Tell him to get a job!


  5. Assalamualakikom sister ...

    Whatever you do , never show disrespect for your man... its better to shoot him in head than you give him that feeling of disrespect .. and do not allow anybody to disrespect him from your family side.. This the man you want to live with for the rest of your life & ...... the father of your kids..

    For the money issue .. you have contributed to making him dependent on you ... That is a noble thing but because it took too long he is relaxed and is not motivated to work...

    Possible solution ....
    talk to him nicely, encourage him, give him love and emotional support .. but never send him money again..
    do not spoil your man... and always respect him

    Take good care about yourself and the baby...
    good luck

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