My husband does not believe in Islam completely
Dua.
Asalamulaikum
My marriage was a love one and it has not even been a year. I married my husband because I never felt loved so much by someone before. When I met him, he knew already so much about Islam and this attracted me to him. He had no religion before and belongs to the white ethnic group. He does not smoke, drink or eat pork.
He converted and even did his sunnah at the age of 23. After he met my family, he told me that he does not agree with everything about Islam. My parents, grandparents and other relatives were against this marriage and accepted for my happiness. My husband is a very good human being, really cares for me and my family. He does not do salaat everyday but goes to Jummah with my father every week. He does not have faith in his heart. By the time, I realized he doesn’t have imaan, it was too late as I already married him. I cannot even think about a divorce as it would bring so much shame to my family and I will become a laughing stock.
Whenever I discuss this with him, he gets very aggressive and tells me that he is fine how he is, I am pushing him away and that one day he will run away from me. He tells me I feed on being sad and I should concentrate on things that I have instead of thinking about what I do not have.
I feel trapped in this relationship and there is not anyway of how I can walk out of it. At times I see shaitan in my husband and I feel like I am paying for my sins through him. At times I don’t even feel like having children with him in the future. He questions everything.
His logic is that not everyone is a Muslim. My brother smokes and he practices Islam but to my husband, he says my brother is not a Muslim. My mother who also practices Islam and watches serials; my husband says she’s not a Muslim. He asks me things which I do not have any answer for. I feel like I have been cheated into this marriage and now am suffocating. I cannot ignore the fact that he has no imaan and go on with my life.
My dad had an affair in the past and my husband says that he is not a muslim. My husband says that my young cousins who did umrah and hadj mean nothing because they smoke.
He claims to be better human being because he does not harm anyone. He says now the world is modern and there no time to pray 5 times a day. In my country, there are many mosques around and when he hears the call for prayer, he gets so angry and closes all doors and windows and switch on the AC to reduce the sound. I can’t help but feel terribly hurt. He says that their loudspeaker is terrible and that he does not mind soft ones. He says it’s like the imaam is swallowing the mike.
He believes that the world is controlled by bodies which are very high up and everything is planned. He thinks everyone will die and only the fittest with special abilities will survive.
I told him that life and death is in the hands of God but he does not agree. He says someone can murder and take away life and cloning is already happening behind closed doors. He is very stubborn and makes pretty a mockery of everything which I tell him especially about islam.
But he tells me that he believes that there is a God and he is so eager to die and to know what happens after death. He is very curious. When I tell him that I should not have married him, he says there is no use of crying over spilt milk. He says if I married a Muslim, I would have had other problems in my life. At his work, he says that the Muslim people are the most hypocrites. He dreads Ramadhan and says it does not make any sense and not to eat for such long hours is not healthy.
He believes that the Quran has been modified by humans.
I do see any other solution other than Allah taking away my life. Can I ask for this? I cannot discuss this with anyone as everyone will me that they warned me. Will Allah forgive me? PLEASE HELP ME.
- sarah20
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Salam Sarah.
wow that's some what messed up, but i am not one to judge, noways. You say he is a convert or revert, did he do this through choice?. I think there might be some other things going on here regarding him detesting the Azan, that makes no sense, was he practicing before hand? i.e his 5 salah? if so or atleast he was reading some of them and none now, i honestly feel you need to check if other things are going on like sihr etc. You need to eliminate all matters one by one, before you give up on him. When he says stuff like the Quran is doctored etc, say to him you are a person who believes in facts and proofs, ask him for his proof regarding any matters he believes cus Islam is all documented so we or no one else can claim nothing without evidences, I know a sect off the shia believe the Quran is doctored. However that is nonsense as Allah him self took on the responsibility to preserve the Quran.
Are you in Love with him still as much as before and vice versa?. Is he hanging around some fruit cakes 'you know the other kind of fruit loops pedaling rubbish?.
He don't seem right to be thinking like this if he has entered Islam through choice, and with your family against this marriage, there might be other stuff going on here. Don't give up on him before you have not exhausted all avenues, he is your husband.
w/salam
Ahmed
Salaams,
The core issue with your situation sister is whether or not your husband is a Muslim. I could not tell from your post what he claims to be, because some things seem to indicate he feels he is Muslim and other things seem to say he is not. For instance, you say he told you once "if you had married a Muslim..." as though he were not one.
If I were you, I would separate yourself from him if he continues to make statements that are along those lines. As you know, there is no valid marriage between a Muslim woman and a non-Muslim man. If he is not a Muslim, then that would seem to indicate he has committed apostasy, since he converted to Islam before marrying you. If he has committed apostasy, your marriage becomes invalid right away. I want you to take this very seriously sister because this goes beyond family shame and embarrassment. The choices you make about this situation will seriously impact your akhira.
Muslims, as you know, believe in the Quran as the divine word of Allah. They believe in all the messengers, the Day of judgment, the jinn, Allah, etc. A willful disbelief in any of the fundamental beliefs of Islam is very serious, as well as willfully forgoing the obligatory salat or fasting the month of Ramadan. You say he is being disobedient and disbelieving in many of these crucial areas, so you must make sure you don't follow him in his sin by not responding to the situation as you need to.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu'alaikum sister,
I will try and respond to most of what you have mentioned about your husband.
1. "he told me that he does not agree with everything about Islam."
Sister, this is against the Quran, and I am sad that you still went on with the relationship after he said this. Allah Said:
(يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا ادْخُلُوا فِي السِّلْمِ كَافَّةً وَلَا تَتَّبِعُوا خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ ۚ إِنَّهُ لَكُمْ عَدُوٌّ مُبِينٌ)
O you who have believed, enter into Islam completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy. (Baqarah, 208)
2. "He does not do salaat everyday but goes to Jummah with my father every week."
I had heard Dr. Bilal Philips say: A person is named Abdullah (Servant of Allah) but in many cases, he is Abdul Jumu'ah or Abdu Ramadan or even Abdu Laylatal Qadr. Prayer is obligatory everyday and not only Friday. And what separates a person from Imaan (against Shirk and Kufr) is that he leaves Salah.
3. " My brother smokes and he practices Islam but to my husband, he says my brother is not a Muslim. My mother who also practices Islam and watches serials; my husband says she’s not a Muslim."
This is from the traits of Khawaarij. They say whoever sins is a Kaafir. There is no proof to prove that watching serials per se makes a person Kaafir (exceptions possible when there is approval of what is against Islam). Though smoking has been declared haraam by scholars, it does not makes a person Kaafir. So what about him? There is proof that leaving Salah leads to Kufr...
4. " He says now the world is modern and there no time to pray 5 times a day."
This is the attitude of modernist followers of logic. They think Islam changes with time, but it does not, people change. Remember what Imam Malik bin Anas Rahimahullah said:
'The affairs of the later part of this ummah can never be corrected except with that which corrected the affairs of the early generations of this Ummah.'
We must have the attitude that Islam remains the same regardless of its people, we have to change for good. Allah Said:
Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. (13:11)
5. "when he hears the call for prayer, he gets so angry and closes all doors and windows and switch on the AC to reduce the sound."
This is exactly the attitude of Shaitaan. The only difference is the AC.
In Sunan an Nasai:
It was narrated from Abû Hurairah that the Prophet ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: ``When the call for the prayer is given, the Shaitân takes to his heels, passing wind loudly so that he will not hear the call to prayer. When the call to prayer is finished, he comes back. And when the Iqâmah is said, he again takes to his heels, and after it is completed, he returns again to interfere between the (praying) person and his heart, saying to him: `Remember such and such, remember such and such,' -- things that he had not remembered -- until he does not know how many ( Rak`ahs ) he has prayed.'' ( Sahîh )
6. " He thinks everyone will die and only the fittest with special abilities will survive."
I think he watches lot of fiction movies. It is actually true to some extent. When Isa Alaihis Salam will gather the Muslims and pray against Ya'jooj and Ma'jooj, they will all die and the special quality is the Imaan.
7. " He believes that the Quran has been modified by humans."
This is open Kufr and he needs to say the Shahaadah to become a Muslim again. Allah Said:
(إِنَّا نَحْنُ نَزَّلْنَا الذِّكْرَ وَإِنَّا لَهُ لَحَافِظُونَ)
Indeed, it is We who sent down the Qur'an and indeed, We will be its guardian. (Surah al Hijr, 9)
He had disbelieved in this Aayah.
Sister, after all of this, you have no choice but to seek separation from him. He does not deserve a Muslimah like yourself. Ask him to do tawbah, which is least likely to happen with followers of logic. And such attitude is expected from a follower of logic. But hope from Allah that this happens.
You said: " I do see any other solution other than Allah taking away my life. Can I ask for this?"
You already know there is solution - that you part from him as long as he does not do tawbah and says the Shahaadah again. Asking for death is not advised, and sister, facing the society after divorce is better than spending any more time with this man.
May Allah Give you Sabr
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
mashaAllah brother Abu Abdul Bari, very well explained advice. May Allah keep our eman strong till our last breath. Jazak Allah khair.
Following logic is bad? Why don't you show your husband love. Support him. Guide him with compassion and love. What-people can't ask questions and be confused about their faith? If they do then they're automatically kafir and don't deserve their wife's love? Being educated and having questions are bad? I'm sorry but God created everyone in a unique manner. Allah shows forgiveness-so should the wife. If you constantly show your anger and repulsion to your husbands actions of course he is going to pull away more. He is new to the faith of Islam and let him see the beauty in it again like he once did. Be there for him. I'm sorry Abu Abdul Bari but you sir are what's wrong with how people view us in our beliefs. There are some things that are not black and white-like a husband and wife's understanding,patience and love during hard times.
Sister u really need to think hard bout this, have U any kids with him?
sister i dont have any kids and we do not have any intention for kids at the moment. We want to wait till we are more independent. Moreover, my husband made it clear that the probability of him having a child is very low. the reason is because he feels that the world is becoming more sick. going towards 1 world order with more regulations.
Salamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu,
I will be frank with you sister, Get a divorce.
I cant believe you think taking away your life is a option.
Don't you know suicide is BIG SIN in Islam. A person will continue the kill himself the same way how he killed himself in this life. For eg.A person who stabs himself to death will continue to do the same for the rest of eternity in HELL. LIfe is given to us by Allah and only he deserves to take it away from us whenever he wills.
Regarding this man i am 100% sure that he has lost his mind. His COMPLETELY AND STRONGLY under the influence of Shaitan. If you go by the definition of Kaafir then he has become a kaafir. He has done a very Major Kufr.
It will have a very bad effect on your kids. Just imagine what would happen if your kids gets influenced by him.
You didn't do a mistake by marrying him earlier because he was not like this before or you didn't knew that he thinks so BAD about Islam.
The fact that he says that Fasting or praying daily five times is useless proves that his knowledge or ISLAM is very weak. Even many Non-Muslims appreciate Fasting and Daily five prayers.
Don't argue with him, I highly doubt he will ever understand.
Every one does mistake in life but to realize it and not continue it is a BIG things which a smart person does. You did a mistake by marrying this man but if you continue your relationship with him then you are committing a sin i feel. But Allah knows best.
Pray to Allah, go in sujood, pour your heart out in front of Allah, cry, beg to Allah for Help.
AND
PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS OR YOUR FUTURE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR LOVE FOR ALLAH GET DIVORCE FROM THIS MAN BEFORE ITS TOO LATE. THIS MAN IS NOT A MUSLIM ANYMORE AND YOU KNOW AND THAT MARRYING A NON-MUSLIM IS FORBIDDEN IN ISLAM.
Salam.
Whenever I comment, I give full proof from Quran and Hadith and so to see my comment gone is hmmm. Any reasons ? If there is any fault, its best to refute them first and then decide where is the error. and I'm pretty sure its not very harsh or rude or whatever.
As-salamu alaykum brother. Your comments are generally quite knowledgeable, and the way you quote from Quran and Sunnah is excellent. However, you insert your own opinions between your proofs, and your opinions are generally harsh and unkind. For example, in the comment in question you said:
1. "Oooh "love marriage. You see, generally, parents wants the best for their kids but unfortunately you trusted your weak judgement." - Unnecessary sarcasm.
2. "your husband is a certainly a kafir..." - That's not for you to say. It would be better to say that he has certain beliefs and attitudes of kufr, and that his Islam is questionable. But it's not for us to declare takfeer on someone we do not know. Who knows, perhaps he only says those things to bait her or start arguments, or when he's angry. We don't know what's in his heart.
3. "I think that man was never a muslim"... "since now he is an evil kafir"... - Same thing.
4. "if you decide to stay with him...Allah won't forgive you..." - Not for you to say.
5. "now know that, Allah's wrath is on you..." - Not for you to say. You speak as if Allah's judgment and punishment is yours to throw around. SubhanAllah. Do you imagine that you can declare who Allah will forgive nor not, who Allah is angry with, and what lies in other people's hearts?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wa'alaykumsalam brother,
I comment using my opinion after confirming with the Quran and sunnah and atleast as far as I'm aware if, it never contradicts the sharia. With that said, if it turns out to be harsh or unkind then that's purely from the Quran and sunnah because in most cases when something is against Islam, then truth can be bitter and I can't help to make it appeasing now can I ?
Wallahi I don't understand how is that sarcasm. Its a fact that "love marriages" are in most cases unsuccessful or atleast according to statistics since in most cases it began with disobedience and transgression. Secondly, parents obviously want the best for their kids and I don't see any wrong about this :/ . And finally, with regards to her weak judgement, she decides to ignore her full family when they've warned her about this marriage. Suprisingly, I simply spoke the truth.
Firstly brother, the Quran and hadith confirms that he is disbeliever and I simply re-stated those sayings, now why should I call someone kafir (its a big deal basically) if it has no basis or contradicts the sharia ?, secondly, beliefs of kufr makes a person kafir. For example, if a person believe that Quran was altered, hasn't he denied a verse in the Quran where Allah promised to preserve the Quran ? What did Allah say about those who deny Allah's ayah ? The answer is clear now isn't it ?, furthermore, there are many types of kufr like Kufr ul-'Inad, Kufr ul-Kibr, Kufr ul-Nifaq etc (around 10 types) and all of these types of kufr makes a person kafir and according to Quran, they are bound to severe punishment.
Prophet said " Any person who calls his brother: O Unbeliever! (then the truth of this label) would return to one of them. If it is true, (then it is) as he asserted, (but if it is not true), then it returns to him (and thus the person who made the accusation is an Unbeliever)." [Sahih Muslim Book 001, Number 0117:]
According to Islam, to judge if someone is a kafir or not "The evidence of the Qur’aan or Sunnah that this word or this action implies that a person is a kaafir or a faasiq is required".
So basically, the OP's husband calls the OP's brother, mother, father etc as "Kafirs" which according to hadith, goes back to him. Furthermore, our prophet said ""and whoever neglects salat has disbelieved (become a kaafir).’”. Furthermore, he believes that Quran has been altered, that's also kufr according to Islam. Furthermore, the OP said her husband " is very stubborn and makes pretty a mockery of everything which I tell him especially about islam." and finally, her husband told her " if you married a MUSLIM, you would have had other problems in life " now its upto people to decide.
Allah said "And it has already been revealed to you in the Book (this Quran) that when you hear the Verses of Allah being denied and mocked at, then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them. Surely, Allah will collect the hypocrites and disbelievers all together in Hell, -" (Quran4:140)
Allah said And whoever contradicts and opposes the Messenger (Muhammad SAW) after the right path has been shown clearly to him, and follows other than the believers' way. We shall keep him in the path he has chosen, and burn him in Hell - what an evil destination. (Quran 4:115)
Allah said Whoever disbelieved in Allah after his belief, except him who is forced thereto and whose heart is at rest with Faith but such as open their breasts to disbelief, on them is wrath from Allah, and theirs will be a great torment. (Quran 16:106)
That seems unlikely, the OP have great intellect, let's believe that.
but anyways,
Allah said "And if you ask them, they will surely say, "We were only talking idle and playing." Say, "Is it Allah and His verses and His Messenger that you were mocking?" Make no excuse; you have disbelieved after your belief. If We pardon one faction of you - We will punish another faction because they were criminals. (Quran 9:65-66)
There's no hint that he said anything out of anger.
Brother Abu Abdul Bari said "This is open Kufr and he needs to say the Shahaadah to become a Muslim again."- I agree.
Brother Kamran Khalid said "he has become a kaafir. He has done a very Major Kufr." "THIS MAN IS NOT A MUSLIM ANYMORE AND YOU KNOW AND THAT MARRYING A NON-MUSLIM IS FORBIDDEN IN ISLAM." - I agree.
But what different did I say 🙂 ?
Any shuyook will agree that his beliefs are kufr which according to Islam makes him a kafir and I say "evil" because of his behavior of shutting down windows, switching on AC during azan to avoid the sound and brother Abu Abdul Bari gave a hadith about shaytan doing similar acts to avoid the sound of azan.
Brother we should warn her. If its not for us to say then who should warn her ? Since that guys has many kufr beliefs, mocking Islam etc it is not permissible for her to stay with him, if she did stay then she is sinning. You've got to agree with this as this is in Allah's book and not at all my useless opinion. Let the Allah answer her questions,
Allah said "And it has already been revealed to you in the Book (this Quran) that when you hear the Verses of Allah being denied and mocked at, then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them. Surely, Allah will collect the hypocrites and disbelievers all together in Hell, -" (Quran4:140)
"Do not marry unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.” (Al-Qur’an, 2:221)
But repentance is not [accepted] of those who [continue to] do evil deeds up until, when death comes to one of them, he says, "Indeed, I have repented now," or of those who die while they are disbelievers. For them We have prepared a painful punishment. (Quran 4:18)
any different from what I said ?
So if she decides to stay with that man, will she be doing right ? Subhana'Allah, I put up Quranic verses according to situations and if it happens to be a verse like "Allah hates the wrong-doers", "Allah curses the wrong-doers", " Repentance won't be accepted of those who are still in sins", then is it my mistake ? maybe its my mistake that I repeated those words which one may think is my sayings ? Alhamdullilah we have the Quran for guidance and so by using it, no matter how harsh it turns out to be, we should take heed.
Now if its not for us to decide if he is a kafir or not, then just imagine a situation where the OP spends the rest of her life with this man and on the judgment day, it will be revealed that he is a kafir due to his kufr beliefs and because of that the OP is going to have to be punished too as obviously, Sharia law is there for anyone to take advise and guidance. If you read the OP's case careful, you will not get a hint that these are happening due to fights and stuffs but his general beliefs, behavior and attitudes all throughout.
I gave proof of what I say, I use Allah's verses and I hardly talk using my limited sometimes useless opinions.
Please refute my advise from Sharia base. Its injustice to remove mine and keep others who gave somewhat similar advises. Compare and check Insha'Allah.
As-salamu Alaykum,
You may be correct in everything you are saying (Allah SWT knows best), but there are some elements that make me uncomfortable. First of all, we have only heard one side of the story. We do not know exactly, word-for-word, what transpires between this couple when they talk. The poster herself has stated numerous good qualities about her husband and stated that he is a Muslim who converted at age 23. It may be, however, that he is not very educated about his new faith. Perhaps he is taking his information from wrong sources. Also, although I hesitate to say this, there is the possibility that this person is not entirely mentally stable, which may cause him to say odd things. This is something that no one here has thus far postulated, and perhaps the poster is actually dealing with a subtle case of mental illness, which is why she finds it impossible to reason with him.
The question here is, do we just give up on a fellow Muslim or attempt to help him, especially when it is a spouse?
I don't really know what the solution here is because I think it is complicated. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who neglected important aspects of our religion. On the other hand, if I thought that he needed more exposure to practicing Muslims and authentic sources of information, I would try to guide him to that environment. If I thought he was mentally ill, then I'd want to investigate that possibility and see if it was possible for him to get treatment.
Maybe I am totally off-base here, but I feel there is more to the story.
Perhaps the poster herself can share her thoughts on this.
Have you spoken to your father? Maybe he can help since they attend prayer together. I think you should not hestitate to discuss this with him and see what he thinks. Perhaps he can be an influence in your husband's life or give you frank advice if he feels that your husband has deeper issues.
I think it is wise, though, to hold off on having children until you get this sorted out.
Wailaikum Salaam Sister,
I do not believe he is mentally disturbed because he is a successful qualified man. Moreover, he is doing further studies. This means that he has the ability to increase his knowledge.
My father is not someone who speaks out, he is fairly timid and there is also a language barrier since my husband is a foreigner who moved to my country.
Before we got married, he told me so many things about how he was attracted to Islam. He was leading his life in a muslim manner since he did not party, consume alcohol or eat haraam. However, he was not praying. In Fact not at all. He has his own way of praying which is before he goes to bed, he reflects to what he has done good and bad in the day. He says that he does believe that there is a God out there. Also that all religions are the same at the end of day. He says that since he was a child, he was told that the hour is coming soon and it still hasnt come. so he doubts it. he has no choice but to go to jummah with my father, however, he does not go at times because of his work load.
Since ramadhan started, he did not fast at all. he has barely been to tarawih and my father goes everyday. I feel so ashame towards my parents and Allah. My parents told me never to trust a kafir but i believed in him. He says so many evil things about Islam and I really wish that Allah could make him see the light. Or it might be that Allah doesnt need him. He says ramadhan is the most unhealthy thing that could exist and your body is deprived from water which is very bad.
I was telling him about the punishment in kabaar if you sin. He was so angry. He told me: "What are you? Stupid? Uneducated? How can you believe in such crap?" He says its a childish religion like christians spreading FEAR. he says FEAR SELLS THE MOST. Example like fear the fire of hell.
He says if Islam was the real religion, every one is the world would have been a muslim and the most intelligent would have been a muslim.
He keeps his socks which he wears from at musjid outside the room because he believes it's filthy as people feet touch the ground there. His comments hurt me so bad. At times, it is out of anger but the final point is that he does'nt really believe in Allah. He will say God never Allah. I wish an angel could come over and slap him. I told him about the good angel and bad angel on our shoulders and he thought its childish.
He says if God created us, it means that he knows our capabilities, intentions and nothing happens against his will. So why have we been sent to this earth anyway?
My mum tells him to eat a particular fruit or veg (at least don't disrespect it) because our prophet liked it. he really hates the fact that we have to respect certain things because of our prophet. He refers him as someone. I feel sooo hurt. How could i have married such a shaitaan... We had such a GRAND wedding.
He questions about what we r going to do in paradise.How long we will live for? What is eternal? Won't we get bored? My mum was explaining to him about paradise. Later he came to tell me how naive, childish immature can a 50 yr old woman be to believe in such things.
At times, i have to been nice to him to get him to perform salaat with me. But i know its not with his heart. Right now he has a flu and he isnt even going tarawih with my father. Usually he goes twice a week. He says he will pray and sweat and be ill for a longer period of time.
Ive given up hopes of having a child with him as I dont want my kids to have father figure like him. But the truth is I cant leave him for my family's honour reason. Inshallah allah will forgive me and give me sabr.
Salaam, I am very curious about the current status of your marriage. I am in a similar decision and have no idea what to do. I was born and raised Muslim, my husband converted to Islam almost Year before we got married. We have been married for almost 4 years. He comes from a family where they believe in God but do not claim a religion. Around 8 months ago my husband met a man. Who he now does business with, and they had some discussion and my husband began to have doubt in his faith. He had not said that he is not Muslim, but he no longer prays and only fasted about 10 days this past Ramadan. We have a 2 year old daughter together and im lost. I don't want my daughter to grow up in a household where one person practices Islam and the other does not. I think that is too confusing for a child. On the other hand. I don't want her to grow up in a broken home without both of her parents. Other than not posting praying, he is a good husband and good father. He provides for us and is kind and loving. I am 23 now and he is 24 and we live in the U.S. please help be and give me good sound advice with proof.
Assalamualaikum my brothers and sisters in Islam and humanity,
I am sad to say I am in somewhat the same position. My husband is a convert, but I feel he converted to marry me and not because of Allah swt. I have reiterated to him before that I won't marry him unless he converts because and only because of Allah swt, but I may or may not be blinded by love and accepted him when he says he believes in Islam and that there is only one god and that Muhammad saw is his messenger. After marriage, he has questioned abt Islam and his messenger, astaghfirullahalazim. I do believe his heart is in the right place, that we all have a right to question and seek an answer to strengthen our imaan. His questions are because of ignorance and a lack of knowledge, but I don't look down on him because of that as we are all students. They need to be answered correctly to bring him closer to the deen.
This man is my beloved husband, but I love Allah swt more. After my marriage, because of my concern for my husband I have dived deeper into Islam, alhamdulillah. Allah works in mysterious ways, subhanallah wabihamdih.
We live in a non muslim country and we live in a rural area where there are hardly any muslims around to influence us. This is my struggle, and I am humbly trying my hardest to get closer, and I would like my beloved and respected husband to be with me on earth and in Jannah, inshaa Allah, amin.
I know a marriage is not valid if my husband is not a true muslim as he still questions and doubts, but I have hope for my husband that he will be a true believer one day. With Allah's help, inshaa Allah, may Allah help us. I am now in my home country, and will see my husband again very soon. I will talk to him about this matter once and for all to see how he responds and I will be strong and react according to Islam, may Allah grant me strength and may Allah open my husband's heart, amin.
I would like to receive any advice from those more knowledgeable than me on how to handle this matter. How complicated, but I believe in my heart Allah has brought me here, for my own sake and for my husband's sake.
Jazakallah khair, may Allah grant us his blessings and guidance.
Assalamualaikum..
Im a married woman at the age of 24. I'm from Malaysia. It's been 2 and a half month since I married with my husband a chinese converted muslim. The stories is almost like you dear sister but in a different way I think. My husband does'nt believe in Islam at all. He believe in the exsistant of GOD but he married me just because we love each other so much. I'm am currently pregnant 4 month now. As I think about our born child this coming December 2016, I started to questions everything that happened betweeen me and him. The most sad thing that I wanted to shared to all readers here is that (I don't want to open up this stories but I had to shared this because I want a respons or any kind of solution to save our marriege) my husband still eating pork when we go eat outside. 🙁 I really do such a sin by letting him eat that thing. He said to me he was born to eat pork since birth because he is Chinese and it is not a harm to him specially when we meet his parents he can't reject the food from his parents because he claimed that it would be disrespect to his parents if he can't eat what his parents cooking. Second, He just don't like Islam because he say to me such things about our Prophet Muhamad S.A.W . I wont discribe it details because its to complex. Me, myself I believe in Islam. I belive in Allah! but my husband is a knowledgeble person than me regarding Quran even he can't recite Quran he knows the meaning of it and he always do research about all of our Prophet or Rasul R.A.
Everytime I arguing things about Islam he seems to have answers for all. I can't do anything and despite that our baby will born soon, I am so afraid to tell our child what happened to me and my husband. I don't know how to tell our children if he want to let them eat pork or do things that I don't know at my back. I'm scared. I really love my husband. I want him to changed to be a better muslim guy, but he already told me that "whatever you wish for me to be a a good muslim I just can't do it,because I dont believe Islam for the rest of my life." I'm telling this not because he is a bad person. He is really a loving,caring guy. He just can't accept Islam .I really need someone to give me any advice or do something about this.
Dear sister, I hoped ALLAH S.W.T give you guidence and enlighten your life with your husband. Please pray for me as well. Thank you all for reading this.
~emma
Dear sister Emma
I'm sorry to say that it sounds like your husband has lost whatever faith he had. This is apostasy. Since you have given him many chances to reaffirm his faith and he has failed to do so, the marriage is already null and void between the two of you. There is no need for an Islamic divorce. Due to his apostasy he has invalidated your marriage. You must not live without him as his wife because there remains no marriage between the two of you.
I realise this might sound harsh but you need to realise the gravity of your situation my dear sister. You must part ways with him. He is no longer your husband.
I realise you must have had the baby by now. Allah bless you and your baby. Pls leave him immediately. Allah will take care of you and your baby.
I wish you all the best.
If a husband or a wife apostates then their marriage gets invalid and its compulsory upon them to separate, if they did not separate from each then their relationship will be deemed as adultery.