Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband left me for a Hindu girl, Allah hates me

anxietyI had offered salatul istakhara for my marriage and only after Allah gave me a positive answer i got married but in a few years my husband married a hindu girl instead and left me to die . Why did Allah misguide me ? What was my fault? Does Allah actually exist ? I feel as if my soul is being pained each moment .

Please tell Allah not to hate me i neg to him each night . Allah doesn't answer my prayers may be he'll listen to yours . Please . My life in this world is worst than being in a grave.

Allah doesn't change my life . I offered a namaz e istagfar in a hope that he might look at me he might help me . But Allah hates me . He will keep torturing me till i am alive he wont even give me a peaceful death . Can i just comitt suicide and end it all ?

Can someone please help.

- Tz

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9 Responses »

  1. Tz, as-salamu alaykum,

    Allah does not misguide anyone. It's likely you never made a proper Istikhara, since most people have misunderstandings about Istikhara and think they have to ask a "maulvi" to pray it for them, or that Istikhara is related to birthdates and mother's maiden names, or that after praying Istikhara they are supposed to make a decision based on the colors seen in dreams.

    None of these things are true. Istikhara is a prayer for guidance. You ask Allah sincerely to guide you to what is best, and protect you from what is wrong, and then you make the best decision you can, trusting Allah to guide you to the right choice. If you do this with full faith in Allah, submitting your will completely to His, Allah will guide you truly.

    In any case, the past is the past. Let's deal with the situation now. Sister, trouble and pain comes to ALL people in this life, just as sparks fly from a fire. You might look at those who are happily married, or who are wealthy, and think their lives are perfect and trouble-free, but I guarantee that everyone is suffering in her own way. Every human being has his secret shames, regrets, pains, losses and tragedies. Everyone.

    The question is how do you deal with your loss? You can sit around full of self-pity, thinking that your life is useless, and blaming Allah, as you are doing.

    Or you can open your eyes and see the many blessings in your life. You have food on the table, a roof over your head, a good mind to think, you are educated and literate. The sun rises every morning and every day is a new day. These are gifts from Allah. So how can it be that Allah hates you?

    At every moment you are breathing and your heart is beating. You have the gift of Islam, if you would open your heart to it. These are blessings and signs of Allah's love for you. Every day is an opportunity to make something of yourself. Yes, you suffered a setback but life goes on. Forget about your traitorous ex-husband. He made a bad choice, let him live with the consequences.

    Set new goals for yourself. Move forward in life. Your life is your own. If Allah hated you, you would not exist. Just the opposite. Allah cares for you and wants good for you in the dunya and aakhirah. And here is a very important truth that you must learn: Success in this life and the next is not determined by whether good befalls you or bad, but by how you respond. Life will have victories and losses, joys and pains. That is the nature of life.

    If you respond to life's ups and downs with bitterness and self-pity, focusing on what you do not have, or on what you lost, then you fail the test of life.

    But if you are patient, if you trust Allah, if you are grateful for the blessings in your life, then you succeed.

    "By the time,
    Indeed, mankind is in loss,
    Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience."
    - Surat Al-Asr

    Wael Editor

  2. Sister istikhara means Allah shows you what is best for you even if you don't know whats the reason behind all this. When you do istikhara you choose between two things
    Watch this Video
    It is haram to marry a women which is not from the jews or from the Christians
    So maybe you see here it is best for you.
    Do you pray your 5 salah ?
    You should because if not you are asking for the punishment of Allah. You should also forbid the evil and enjoin the good
    Huthaifah may Allah be pleased with him reported: The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allah exalt his mention ) said, "By Him in Whose Hand my life is, you either enjoin good and forbid evil, or Allah will certainly soon send His punishment to you. Then you will make supplication and it will not be accepted". [At-Tirmithi]
    So do you best to please Allah and ask him for forgivness as much as you can with the right intention
    Killing yourself is haram.
    “And do not kill yourselves. Surely, God is Most Merciful to you.” (Quran 4:29)

    Don't despair in the mercy of Allah ever and do your best to please Allah
    May Allah help you out of your situation

  3. Dear sister:

    Im very sorry you are having to go through such a painful thing at this time. I can understand as I have experienced something similar in the past.

    Please dont give up. Dont loose hope. You need to be strong for you. The world is a selfish place, and this is the biggest test for you to see how strong you are and how much you will rely on Allah (SWT.)

    As an example, I too have had days where I wanted to give up, loose hope, and just didnt want to ask Allah for anything. After crying myself to sleep I would wake up the next morning and get out of bed thinking and planning the rest of my day, listening to Quran before and I guess that is a sign that Allah doesnt want me to loose hope in him thats why I keep going.

    Im so sorry this happened to you, if a man is unfaithful it is better to find out then him being married to you and keeping her a secret. I will keep you in duas and pray that Allah solves all our problems. Ameen summah ameen.

    Please take care of yourself and I hope you find peace. ameen

  4. Salaam, sister.

    What your husband did was completely wrong. His emaan was very weak and the Shaytan got him. But the reason why Allah did that to you even after a positive istikhara is only because Allah wants something much, much better for you.

    There is a purpose behind the trial, and this purpose corresponds to our internal state and our relationship with Allah (swt). Allah (swt) has 99 Beautiful Names, and it should suffice us to know that He is the Most Merciful, the Most Just and the Most Wise. Your test is not being put upon you by a random being, but by the Almighty Allah, who is closer to us than our jugular vein.

    Tests are a way to purify us. The Prophet ﷺ said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that,” [Bukhari]. Our ultimate aim is to earn Allah’s pleasure and Jannah (paradise), and all of us fall short in truly worshiping Allah (swt) as He should be worshiped. Many of us fail to ask for forgiveness regularly, or to reflect on our state and return to Allah (swt). These tests, as burdensome as they are, ease our burden on the Day of Judgment, if we respond with patience.

    Trials also have a way of reminding us of our purpose. If we are far from Allah (swt), the test is usually to bring us close to Him. Whatever heedlessness we are engaging in, the test should make us realize we have no one, no one at all, but Him.

    The Prophet ﷺ said, “When Allah loves a servant, He tests him,” [Tirmidhi]. In a hadith qudsi (a hadith relating the words of Allah [swt]), Allah (swt) tells Jibreel to delay the response to the du`a’ of a servant because Allah (swt) loves hearing his voice [Tabarani]. Sometimes the answer to a test is that need for Allah (swt), those long hours spent in the night, and the tears of sincerity.

    It was narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “Some prisoners were brought to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), and there was a woman among the prisoners who was searching (for her child). When she found her child she embraced him and put him to her breast. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to us, ‘Do you think that this woman would throw her child in the fire?’ We said, ‘No, by Allah, not if she is able not to.’ The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, ‘Allah is more merciful to His slaves than this woman is to her child.’”

    We must always have certainty that Allah answers. But sometimes doubt enters one’s heart: “…But I asked, I made du`a’... and I don’t see anything?” Firstly, just as we know that Allah is Al-Mujeeb, we must also know He is Al-Hakeem (the Most Wise).

    He may delay answering your prayer for a number of reasons; one is to test your trust in Him. We all say we believe Allah is the Al-Mujeeb when everything lands at our feet, but what about when we don’t immediately see the fruits of our du`a’? I knew a woman who was telling the story of how her husband did not pray. When she married him, she didn’t know, and as the marriage progressed she discovered that he was skeptical of religion as well. So she would wake up every night for qiyam al-layl (the night prayer) and plead with Allah to guide Him. Do you know how long she prayed for? Two years. And she says it was so unexpected; he came home from a business trip with a complete change of heart. It turns out that on the plane he was seated next to a great sheikh who began talking to him. And that is how he changed.

    Another reason is that Allah knows when it is best to answer. You are asking why did my husband leave? and Allah could make it happen at this very moment, but He will delay it because you don't know that Allah would've a kept you a husband a thousand times better than your previous husband.

    Insha’Allah, you will be answered. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Verily your Lord is Generous and Shy. If His servant raises his hands to Him (in supplication) He becomes shy to return them empty.” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

    Allah has named Himself Al-Mujeeb, which means the One who responds. Just as we are certain that the Qur’an is true, we must be certain that Allah, Al-Mujeeb, will answer our call. We should never think that Allah will not answer, because by feeling so, we are denying this attribute (siffat) of Allah. Whenever we are feeling down, we should not hesitate to ask Him over and over again, and to go into sujood (prostration) and plead because that is the closest that we are to Him. If we realize this, the doors of mercy have been opened for us, because the Prophet ﷺ said, “For whoever the door of du`a’ opened, for him the doors of mercy are opened.” (Tirmidhi).

    Your du`a’ is deposited with Allah, and as was narrated from the Prophet ﷺ, your du`a’ does something. Either Allah will speedily answer your du`a’ or He will save it for you until the Hereafter, or He will avert something bad equal to the value of the du`a’ (Ahmad). So we should never leave du`a’. The Prophet ﷺ told us, “Do not stop making du`a’, because nobody who makes du`a’ is forsaken.” (Hakim)

    Ibn Al-Qayyim said he who fulfills the following conditions should know that Allah will surely answer his du`a’:

    1. Have certainty that Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will answer your du`a’. The Prophet ﷺ said, ”Ask Allah with certainty that He will answer your prayers.” (Tirmidhi)
    2. Show submissiveness and devotion during your du`a’. The Prophet ﷺ said, ‘Know that Allah will not accept the supplication from an absent heart.’ (Tirmidhi)
    3. Be patient and do not hasten for an answer. The Prophet ﷺ said: ‘The du`a’ of any worshipper will continue to be responded to, as long as… he is not hasty’ i.e. as long as he doesn’t lose patience. [Muslim]
    4. Continue to gain a lawful means of living. The Prophet ﷺ narrated a story about a man asking Allah, saying “O Lord! O Lord!” but his food was unlawful, his drink was unlawful, his clothing was unlawful, and he was nourished unlawfully; so how can he be answered?!” (Muslim)

    Whatever grief we go through, whatever hardship we endure, we must understand that we are never alone. Even if we feel abandoned by the world and those closest to us, Allah is there. He reminds us in the Qur’an,

    “Fear not. Indeed, I am with you [both]; I hear and I see.” (20:46)

    “Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, ‘When is the help of Allah?’ Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” [Qur’an, 2:214]

    As human beings, we will be tested. But this doesn’t mean that we are going to live our lives in perpetual hardship, because ‘unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.’ So what does it mean when we are going through hardship? Is Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) angry with us? What if there is no way out?

    Whenever we go through hardship, there are things we need to know with certainty. Allah (swt) tells us in the Qur’an:

    “[…] Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” [Qur’an, 65:7]

    Certain hardships are so consuming that we cannot focus on anything but the difficulty. But we have to remember that if we were to enumerate the blessings of Allah (swt), we would not be able to count them. Reminding ourselves of the other blessings in our lives helps us to see the test within the context of the grand scheme of things. Just the fact that you can make sajda (prostration), and call out, “O Allah!” is a blessing that surpasses all others.

  5. Assalamu Alaikum Sister,

    Based on your writing, I can tell that you are in deep pain and despair. I'm so sorry to hear that you are suffering from this pain right now. Rejection is a very painful and personal feeling, and I don't think there's anything I can say to make that pain go away. However, hopefully in time the pain will go away and things will appear more clear for you.

    What happened to you was done by a person, not Allah. So, your husband is at fault, and he's the one who will have to deal with the consequences of his actions that have affected you so much. Some men do not appreciate the gift of the woman that they have received for a wife. Allah does not hate you, but I think I can say that Allah does not like what happened to you by the actions of your husband. Perhaps some day he'll receive the fruits of his unrighteousness.

    Whatever you do, do not kill yourself. At this moment, your are emotionally affected, and I know many negative things are running through your head. However, all things, no matter how painful, are for a time; though that time is difficult, it will go away. You still have your life, and I'm sure some day a decent, worthy man will come into your life.

    When you go through choosing someone else, of course, pray, but please take your time to really check that person. The good thing is that you now have experience in knowing bad traits or characteristics of a husband, so you ought not make too many mistakes the second time around. Look out for any red flags, and if any appear, rigorously check them out, making sure to take your time, instead of rushing. It takes a very long time to get to know someone properly for something like marriage. Truth about a person or people takes quite some time to actually appear because they are trying to impress you and distort your senses.

    I truly hope that things will improve as time goes. Keep strong, as well as stay close to those who still love you.

  6. Ist of you beg Astaghfar from Allah because you did big sins. And you should never disappoint to Allah.if your husband left you for a Hindu girl. Appearently it looks like worse happened with you but indeed it's in your favor. But we don't know about it as God worst best favor for us.may be your husband was not viod for your life and you did not think about your life. God better know for us.
    You are still not left alone. I am with you. don't wory about yourself. Remember your God. You me we face any prom.
    I am here to also propose you and will care I.
    Best regards

    • Sorry but you should not taunt her at this time as she is already going through a lot.
      We are all human and make mistakes.

  7. Praise be to Allaah.

    Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

    “Du’aa’s and ta’awwudhaat [prayers seeking refuge with Allaah] are like a weapon, and a weapon is only as good as the person who is using it; it is not merely the matter of how sharp it is. If the weapon is perfect and free of faults, and the arm of the person using it is strong, and there is nothing stopping him, then he can lay waste the enemy. But if any of these three features is lacking, then the effect will be lacking accordingly.”

    (al-Daa’ wa’l-Dawaa’, p. 35).

    From this it will be clear that there is an etiquette and rulings which must be fulfilled, in the du’aa’ and in the person making the du’aa’. There are also things that may prevent the du’aa’ reaching Allaah or being answered – these things must be removed from the person making the du’aa’ and from the du’aa’. When all of these conditions are fulfilled, then the du’aa’ may be answered.

    1. Sincerity in making du’aa’. This is the most important condition. Allaah has commanded us to be sincere when making du’aa’, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “So, call you (O Muhammad and the believers) upon (or invoke) Allaah making (your) worship pure for Him (Alone) (by worshipping none but Him and by doing religious deeds sincerely for Allaah’s sake only and not to show off and not to set up rivals with Him in worship)” [Ghaafir 40:14].

    Sincerity in du’aa’ means having the firm belief that the One upon Whom you are calling – Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted – is alone Able to meet your need, and it also means avoiding any kind of showing off in your du’aa’.

    2. Repentance and turning back to Allaah. Sin is one of the main reasons why du’aa’s are not answered, so the person who is making du’aa’ should hasten to repent and seek forgiveness before he makes du’aa’. Allaah tells us that Nooh (peace be upon him) said:

    “I said (to them): ‘Ask forgiveness from your Lord, verily, He is Oft-Forgiving; He will send rain to you in abundance, And give you increase in wealth and children, and bestow on you gardens and bestow on you rivers.’ ” [Nooh 71:10-12]

    3. Beseeching, humbling oneself, hoping for Allaah’s reward and fearing His punishment. This is the spirit, essence and purpose of du’aa’. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Invoke your Lord with humility and in secret. He likes not the aggressors” [al-A’raaf 7:55].

    4. Urgently beseeching and repeating the du’aa’, without getting exasperated or bored; this is achieved by repeating the du’aa’ two or three times. Restricting it to three times is preferable, in accordance with the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) liked to say a du’aa’ three times and ask for forgiveness three times. This was narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Nasaa’i.

    5. Making du’aa’ at times of ease, and saying more du’aa’s at times of plenty. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Remember Allaah during times of ease and He will remember you during times of hardship.” Narrated by Ahmad.

    6. Seeking to draw closer to Allaah by calling upon Him by His Most Beautiful Names and Sublime Attributes at the beginning of the du’aa’ or at the end. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And (all) the Most Beautiful Names belong to Allaah, so call on Him by them” [al-A’raaf 7:180].

    7. Choosing the clearest and most concise words and the best of du’aa’s. The best of du’aa’s are the du’aa’s of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), but it is permissible to say other words according to the specific needs of a person.

    Other aspects of the etiquette of making du’aa’, although they are not waajib (obligatory), are: to face the Qiblah; to make du’aa’ in a state of tahaarah (purity); to start the du’aa’ with praise of Allaah and blessings upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). It is also prescribed to raise the hands when making du’aa’.

    One of the things that helps to bring a response to du’aa’ is to seek the best times and places.

    Among the best times is the time just before Fajr (dawn), the last third of the night, the last hour of Jumu’ah (Friday), when rain is falling, and between the Adhaan and iqaamah.

    Among the best places are mosques in general, and al-Masjid al-Haraam [in Makkah] in particular.

    Among the situations in which du’aa’ is more likely to be answered are: when one is mistreated or oppressed, when one is travelling, when one is fasting, when one is in desperate need, and when a Muslim makes du’aa’ for his brother in his absence.

    Things which may prevent du’aa’ from being answered include:

    1. When the du’aa’ is weak in itself, because it involves something inappropriate, or involves bad manners towards Allaah, may He be exalted, or it is inappropriate, which means asking Allaah for something which it is not permitted to ask, e.g. when a man asks to live forever in this world, or he asks for a sin or something haraam, or he prays that he will die, and so on. Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A person's du’aa’s will continue to be answered so long as he does not pray for something sinful or for the breaking of family ties.” Narrated by Muslim.

    2. When the person who is making du’aa’ is weak in himself, because he is faint-hearted in his turning towards Allaah. This may be either because of bad manners towards Allaah, may He be exalted – such as raising his voice in du’aa’ or making du’aa’ in the manner of one who thinks he has no need of Allaah; or because he pays too much attention to the wording and tries to come up with unnecessarily ornate phrases, without paying attention to the meaning; or because he tries too hard to weep or shout without really feeling it, or he goes to extremes in that.

    3. The reason why his du’aa’ is not answered may be because he has done something that Allaah has forbidden, such as having haraam wealth – whether it be food or drink or clothing or accommodation or transportation, or he has taken a haraam job, or the stain of sin is still in his heart, or he is following bid’ah (innovation) in religion, or his heart has been overtaken by negligence.

    4. Consuming haraam wealth. This is one of the major reasons why du’aa’s are not answered. Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people, Allaah is Good and only accepts that which is good. Allaah commanded the pious to follow the same commandments as He gave to the Messengers. He says (interpretation of the meaning):

    ‘O (you) Messengers! Eat of the Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables, fruits)] and do righteous deeds. Verily, I am Well-Acquainted with what you do’ [al-Mu’minoon 23:51]

    ‘O you who believe (in the Oneness of Allaah — Islamic Monotheism)! Eat of the lawful things that We have provided you with’ [al-Baqarah 2:172]

    Then he mentioned a man who has travelled on a long journey and is dishevelled and covered with dust; he stretches forth his hands to the heaven, (saying) “O Lord, O Lord”, but his food is haraam, his drink is haraam, all his nourishment is haraam, so how can he du’aa’ be accepted?” Narrated by Muslim.

    The man described by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had some of the characteristics which help du’aa’s to be answered – he was travelling and he was in need of Allaah, may He be exalted and glorified – but the fact that he consumed haraam wealth prevented his du’aa’ from being answered. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound.

    5. Trying to hasten the response. Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The du’aa’ of any one of you will be answered so long as he is not impatient and says, ‘I made du’aa’ but it was not answered.’” Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim.

    6. Making the du’aa’ conditional, such as saying, “O Allaah, forgive me if You will” or “O Allaah, have mercy upon me if You will.” The person who makes du’aa’ has to be resolute in his supplication, striving hard and earnestly repeating his du’aa’. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Let not any one of you say, ‘O Allaah, forgive me if You will, O Allaah, have mercy on me if You will.’ Let him be resolute in the matter, whilst knowing that no one can compel Allaah to do anything.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim.

    In order for du’aa’s to be answered, it is not essential to adhere to all of these points and be free of all that could prevent one’s du’aa’s from being answered. That is something which happens very rarely. But one has to try hard and strive towards achieving this.

    Another important point is to realize that the response to the du’aa’ may take different forms: either Allaah will respond and fulfil the desire of the person who made the du’aa’, or He will ward off some evil from him because of the du’aa’, or He will make something good easy for him to attain because of it, or He will save it with Him for him on the Day of Resurrection when he will be most in need of it. And Allaah knows best.

  8. Astagfir sister...A person who knows that this world is a test and what prophet Muhammed brought would never say this.


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