Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband likes an hourglass figure. What to do?


Asalamualikum,

I found out that my husband said he likes a big butt and a big chest but I don’t have those.

This is making me very insecure and now I’m wondering what I can do to change myself to fit that.

sister ghs

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16 Responses »

  1. I don't see an issue here. All you did was find out what he likes. It's not like he is cheating or saying to you, oh I wish you had this figure etc. So just calm yourself down.

    Admin should upload serious questions only, not these ones that expect you to find a workout routine in the quran that would help them get hourglass body figure.

    • Ahmed, either you have never been married (sad for you) or you have never had insecurity or body image issues (glad for you). Such insecurities can be debilitating. So yes, it is a serious question.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Brother Ahmed,

      Distress of any kind is all relative. For example, to someone who has battled cancer, this may not seem like a big deal. For someone who hasn't had many difficulties in life, body image could mean the world and be all-consuming. We all register pain and insecurity differently.

      Best,

      Nor
      IslamicAnswers

  2. Look Sister, onething you have to understand a man is created in a way that he loves and needs woman. The things you mentioned can be or can not be difficult for you. By exercising, working hard on your body, you can achieve some results but thats never guaranteed.
    Other way around, why dont you tell your husband to go for 2nd wife, you can find her keeping the things he need like big chest and bug butts.. now don't be so annoyed with this coz if your husband know how to fulfill the rights of wives, he can surely make you happy in the presence of second wife. So be calm, relax, put your trust in Allah.. be happy, keep your heart wide. Coz if you're husband is not sexually satisfied, you'll not get the full excitement version of your husband. He will love you in a same manner after he will go for the second marriage.
    So, go ahead ask him, search for him a Beautiful, wide chest, big butts, girl.
    You'll get a sister, a friend as well.

    Thanks
    Syed

    • Its sad that some men think its a good enough excuse to say men are created to love and need women blah blah blah and then use that to have lustful and sinful habits of desiring other women other than their wives. It's not ok! He should have married a woman that can fulfill those desires then. Astaghfirullah may Allah guide those degenerates to the right path. Ameen.

      If he wanted hourglass then he should have married hourglass but lo and behold he also wanted a sweet and good woman like you with other good qualities (I'm not implying for a moment that hourglass women are not amazing sweet and good women too).

      When he married you he made that commitment out of choice not at gunpoint so he needs to live with that happily. If he can't then he should say so now and let you marry someone who will let you feel at peace with your own body and existence, so long as you're not lazy and you're looking after yourself then that's the best you can do.

      If he has just hinted it to you and not said anything explicitly then please dont concern yourself too much with your body. Im sure you have preferences that are missing from your husband top but does that stop you from only wanting him and loving him? No.

      So sis please focus on being a good wife, stay in good spirits, maintain a happy friendly relationship with your husband and don't talk about other women etc. Have a fun filled life full of deen, engaging in the remembrance and worship of Allah, encouraging your husband to be actively involved too. He will also appreciate that more eventually. Stay positive. May Allah SWT grant you a happy and success marriage forever.

      Ameen

      • I think it is chicken egg equation as before marriage you will not know about these details and after marriage it will be too late .

        If some one is having affair or interacting almost daily (like office) with opposite sex member then he/she has better chance of getting idea about these physical details .But having love affair will be haraam .

        This is complex problem as marriage they say should satisfy your sexual needs but if spouse itself is not looking attractive then its problem .

        Probably people who have love marriages are in better position compare to arranged marriages in this matter .
        Or in places like offices where you interact daily with opposite sex you probably have better chance of getting idea about these physical details compare to arranged marriage where it will be surprise for you .

        I know as a good person you are not supposed to think about it (like in office etc) but if some one is daily assembling at common places like offices/gym etc these things will get noticed automatically , intentionally or unintentionally .

    • Syed: So, go ahead ask him, search for him a Beautiful, wide chest, big butts, girl.
      You'll get a sister, a friend as well.

      Are you serious? Would you recommend the same solution for your sister or daughter?

      • Syed, your response is ridiculous. As well as childish and lacking common sense. Are you 12?

        If and when a man takes a second wife, there is no guarantee that woman is going to become friend with the second wife. An woman does not schedule play dates with her husband's other wife. She usually already has her own friends.

        If the husband has a preference for a certain physical type, he should have sought out a woman with those qualities in the first place. Why is he telling his wife this now, as if she could go to the Curvy Store and get larger body parts? How would he feel if his wife told him she likes men with larger privates or more muscular body parts, better education or more money? I seriously doubt he will appreciate it.

        • RosesRoses ,

          Not sure how some one can know before marriage that the woman have heavy body parts ?

          Only after marriage this will get disclosed .

          Many women uses padded bra to cheat .
          After marriage when man see padded bra but smaller upper body part they will get disappointed .so this is kind of cheating
          Its complicated and not easy to say before marriage he should have known figure of woman .

  3. Syed - "So, go ahead ask him, search for him a Beautiful, wide chest, big butts, girl."

    SubhanAllah, reducing Muslim women to sexual objects for sexual gratification. What a disgusting answer!

  4. Assalamualaykum Sister Ghs,

    Believe it or not, there are some clever fashion tips that can help you achieve what you want without changing your body at all Alhamdulilah…..and many women use them, so don't feel like you're alone in this.

    When you shop for bras, for example, try to find ones that are lightly padded, or "push up" varieties that give the illusion of being more, shall we say, "endowed" than you naturally are.

    When you are looking for tops, look for ones that have a high neckline, such as turtle or mock necks, or boat necks. Cowl neck shirts that have layers hanging from the neck are also great for this purpose. Also, you can disguise what you do have and give the illusion of a bigger bust with frilly details along the bust of the shirt, which big-busted women cannot wear because it makes them look too big! (There are some advantages to being small-chested!)

    If you wear pants or jeans, wear ones that have prominent back pockets with flaps that button-close. While we do not show our "butt" in Islam, when you wear your shirt over these pants, you will naturally look more proportioned with your top half (when you follow the shirt-styles in the above paragraph).

    Finally, remember that fashion trends and body-type preferences come and go. A few decades ago, women who were very straight up and down and skinny were more desirable, as these were the images shown on tv ("Twiggy," for instance). Before that, in the 20s, voluptuous women were deemed the most sought-after type. Nowadays, we once again have this trend toward "hourglass figures." But if you are patient, this will no-doubt change once again!

    The absolute best remedy for your problem is to for you to simply learn to love the body you have been blessed with, and make the most of it. Do not get caught up in comparing with others or feeling less-than. You are beautiful just as you are!

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

  5. Try not to stress over this new information. Your husband married you for a reason so just remember that. Also, some of the Hourglass, "Phat", Thick, etc. figure women will be fat or overweight in the future. So I think you should just focus on being healthy. We were told to lower our gaze for our own benefit. If we "only have eyes" for our spouse we don't notice the hourglass, abs, etc. of other people and we are content.

  6. Not sure where your from but your husband must be exposed to a many women of particular countries where they have natural big chests and round butts. Whatever you do, please don’t go with Kardashian bubble fat butt and cheats implants. Your husband married you the way you look, he accepted you. I don’t know where his mind is at but he shouldn’t have said that knowing you don’t have that physics. Turn the table around and tell him what type of guy’s features attracts you. Joke with him. See how he takes it.

  7. i don't think you should be thinking of changing your body sister, or thinking of ways you can create a faux bust or backside, i am certain that you are beautiful just the way you are!

    your husband should fear Allah, and appreciate the spouse he has been blessed with, not everyone is even lucky to be blessed with a spouse, and here we have one, lusting after ideals, and then telling his spouse of them, this is so wrong,
    his words were incredibly inappropriate, and thoughtless on the impact they would have on you,

    i wonder how he would like it, if you told him you desired a man, that is the opposite of who he is physically, that is a very disrespectful thing to say to your spouse and its frankly cruel, we are supposed to cherish our spouses and further their self esteem,

    it has affected you, and that is understandable, do you feel it would be worthwhile sitting down with him, and asking him how he would feel, if you spoke in the same manner? hopefully if he can see the error of his ways, he won't be talking like this again,

    wish you all the best, my beautiful sister in islam

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