My Muslim Husband has sexual relationships with men.
Aoa. I really need some advice on what to do. I have been married for 6 years, I am from UK and my husband is from Pakistan on a spouse visa. I know he married me for the visa only but I still tried to make a go of things with him. We have a 5 yr old daughter. Just last year I found out that my husband has been having sexual realtionships with other men. When I found out I really didnt know what to do, I did confront him but he denied it all and said that you can't say anything without proof. I also know that he's had relationships with girls after our marriage too. For the sake of our daughter I decided to forget about it and give my marriage another go but then it all came infront of me when I found out he had been with another man again just recently. He will never admit it to me, I want to leave him because I can't live like this but then I think about our 6 yrs of marriage and about our daughter. What should I do?
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Salaams,
I am sure I don't need to tell you how wrong the things your husband is doing are. If he is not willing to admit it, it stands to reason that he is not willing to change at this time. As you said, you knew he married you only for the visa all along, and he will continue to use you as long as you allow it. I know it's difficult trying to decide what to do when another person (your daughter) is involved, but no matter how much you think over the situation your choices are going to boil down to two options:
1. Stay in a marriage where you are being continuously cheated on and used. This results in you being devalued and endangers your health because he could be bringing STD's home to you.
2. Divorce him and move on with your life with your daughter. You may find a truly good husband someday and you will realize how little you were settling for with this man.
In life, sometimes we do make investments that fail. We start businesses that go bankrupt. We save money that gets wiped out with an unforeseeable expense. It doesn't mean we are failures when this happens. You have had 6 years of marriage with this man, and if you walked away now it would only be 6 years. If you remarred someone and stayed with them for 30 years, these 6 would seem like a flash in the pan compared to that. On the other hand, if you stay on with your husband for another 10 years, and then finally decide you've had enough...that's another decade of your life and your daughter's life that you can't get back.
If you leave now, your daughter is young. Divorce is never pretty but it tends to go over smoother the younger the child is. If you wait until she's older, it may be more difficult because she will have more emotionally invested in the only family she's known. These are the factors you have to consider. The risks in staying, of course, are that he continues to do what he is doing now and in the end you feel worse and worse dealing with it. If you are considering staying with him for the slim chance that all of this will turn around and he will stop what he's doing and be a decent husband to you...well, let me just say you might have better luck betting on a horse race (which, by the way, I don't advise since gambling is sin).
I can only say if I was in your shoes (and I have been in some very similar shoes), I would cut my losses now and work on rebuilding my future without the drama of someone who is doing those things. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that if you read enough posts on this site alone, you will know that these type of situations almost never have a happy ending if you stay.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Totally agree, furthermore when raising a child it requires the effort from both parents, however children feed off the vibes given by parents and if their is constant fighting and disagreement well you are doing your child more harm than good, and maybe its best you cut your losses and put your daughter and yourself first.
As for your husband, he is no man, but a fool and a vile person with no self values or respect for his religion, i suggest you seperate and let him continue on his path of haraam and evil, he will one day get his comeuppance and fear not Allah is always with you and your daughter and he will guide you insha'Allah through any problems and hardships.
I pray you get free of this creature, and may Allah guide you and your daughter to a good future free of any hardship or struggle and give you perseverance insha'Allah.
I agree...
Sister also remember that you need a strong muslim man as a husband to lead your family in the ways of Islam. And what this man is doing (if what you say he's doing is true) is something that no one on this earth would condone. You are risking a lot if you stay with him... you can contract STD's if you make contact with your husband again.
Adultery and fornication are firm grounds for divorce, unless he repents and never returns to the sin. But since he can't even admit it to you, he does not seem repentant. and you can leave him.
Don't worry much about your daughter... This is better for her whether she sees it or not.
Allah knows Best.
salamualaikum,
sister, first of all, make sure you are right about your claim. Because if it is the otherwise, it could be a great trouble in this world and the hereafter. Shaitaan always tries to deceive the Muslims in order to keep them away from their Lord, eventually, away from the Jannah.
If you have substantial evidence to prove it to yourself, then inform him that in Islam, the punishment for his deed is death. An entire nation has been destroyed in the past, because of the sin of homosexuality.
Then as sister Amy said, you should part from him and hope from Allah that He finds you a better man.
May Allah Help you in this
Aameen
Muhammad Waseem
how can you still be married to this guy having sex with other men or doing haraam. Whats wrong with a wife he married i mean this is so disgusting and disrespecting to you and your child you deserve better. I dont know what to say other than use protection if you do have sex and on top it all i personally would find proof but most of all leave this vile man no way i would stand for this has you could catch std's etc. May allah show you a clearer path ameen
A ssalamalaikuinm
Dear muslimah.
as others have told if you have nay concrete proofs you can show him this as the worst punishment given by allh for the kind of case you are telling this can happen to any one any place anytime- http://xeniagreekmuslimah.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/adultery-and-gods-punishment/