No matter what I do, she still wants to marry me!
Dear Friends,
I am a muslim boy of 21 years. I am not a perfect muslim who prays 5 times a day, but I do fear the Almighty and don't even dare to do something that's haram.
I've always been single these 21 years of my life, and though I'm one of the most popular guys in college I haven't fallen in love and never let a single girl come near me.
But there is this muslim girl who has been a friend for 11 years. She has been proposing to me for the past two years, and says she loves me. I initially thought she was one of those women who proposed to me just for time passing or something, but she has been persuasive these two years and hasn't relented from her stance.
I tried telling her my ambitions, even tried explaining that this stuff isn't good in Islam. Since we are from different sections of the society (she is actually super rich and drives a BMW), it won't work as our families may not accept.
I still remember we were once talking over the phone and she asked me to marry her, and I replied "yes", just for fun. The next day when she asked me to meet her, she gave me a marriage form to get married under a local masjid committee. It was only then I realized the seriousness of the relationship she has in her mind all the time.
I lied to her that I'm going to USA for education, expecting that she would stop this persuasion as I am leaving. But she made more efforts, and got a scholarship at Stanford University, broke her marriage with another guy which was forcibly fixed, and went to the USA for education. All this just to be with me and possibly marry me in the future.
I am leaving to another country for higher education (not USA), and the moment she came to know that I had lied to her, she was broken on phone and is now planning on transferring to the country I am travelling. I don't know what to do, whether to take a woman's love who could do so much for me...or stand by my virtue and lose her contact after travelling to an another country. A lot of emotional and ethical things are doodling my mind. I was searching for answers on the web, and luckily I found this islamic answers blog!! Please give me suggestions people, it's hell for me everyday!!
-zhsyedabbas
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Brother,
In all seriousness, where did you think things would go with you talking to her on the phone and all? Women are looking for a future with someone and it seems she thinks she could have that with you. Just be honest with her. Tell her that you think she is a really beautiful person however, you don't feel about her the way she feels about you. You do not see a life with her and you want to move on. Stop calling, texting and whatever else you do to keep in touch with her. Man up and do it. The sooner, the better.
Salam
Salaam brother,
You have not stated any negatives about her apart from the fact that she is keen to marry you.
If she loves you, treats you well and will make you happy, go for it!
Make it halal. Get married and live a islamic life.
If you do not want to marry her, then be straight with her so she can move on in her life.
May Allah guide us all
Ws
Honestly, she seems really clingy. If I was her, I would ditch you...after all, you're taking away her precious time and just trying to keep her as backup. Is either yes or no. But seriously...bringing a marriage form? Why didn't she ask her parents first? And she's really young to be so desperate...on the other hand, why did you spend her entire teenage years like this? U must have given her some false hope for her to think like this. I think you want a real, but you don't know how to go about it. Give each other space for a year or two, and dot mess with her mentally.
Dear brother !
this look like a drama or a film story ! I personally feel that you are a filmeonic person feeling yourself a hero !
and the heroin is driving bmw this all shows that you are having infurity complex and this depression lead you to sexual weakness as well , other wise in 21 years of age ! this attitude is not normal , I humbley suggest that better consult with psycatrist and get yourself cured then decide what to do ! may Allah bless you
I would tell her I don't have any feelings for her and for her to never get in touch with me again.
If she calls, I would ignore her and ignore all methods of communication and she will get it. Just chose yo cut her out and she will figure it out. She is probably confused because you keep talking to her.
Salam,
"...broke her marriage with another guy which was forcibly fixed,..."
She was not loyal to her husband and looked at you while she was married... Believe me, she will not be loyal to you.
This kind of person are not liable, because I was such kind of person,(but I was not married and didn't cheat on my partner emotionally). The best you can do for her to open her eyes, that you don't like her, but in kind manner...
"Ähm XYZ, you know, that I said you, that I like you, but the reality is, that I don't. I know, I should be honest to you, therefore I ask for your forgiveness. "
And if she says, that she can't break, then tell her: "Ighhiii this is creepy and run away."
I don't think she was actually married. She was engaged or promised to be married and she broke it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam,
agree
Why do you talk to a girl for 11 years and wasted her time if you didnt ever plan a futur with her in the first place? Do you actually like the girl? im not sur from your post.... If you like this girl and want to marry her then go for it, make it halal! If you dont see a life with her stop all the communication with her no matter what so she can move on with her own life, dont waste her time.
i think you both are wasting yours and each others time.
hello i really understand how awful this girl may feel about herself she deeply knows inside that you don't share the same feeling but she can't help herself ...why don't you marry her? may be love her in your life together...love starts somewhere ..because i love some guy for four years now i don't know if it will be possible to marry him or no but i still love her madly because of his character he's a real gentleman and fears Allah however i dont disturb him i want him to be free ,happy.
oh brother i know how she suffers ..
I think it was wrong of you to mislead her...you are very young and I don't think you know how lucky you are...here you have a woman who loves you and is devoted to you, she chooses you over everything else, and has not turned her nose down on you...believe me it will be hard to find that kind of true commitment in life...so just think exactly what is it that is keeping you from embracing her love.
Bismillah
Asalam Walekum,
Bro, I know my response is later than your post but after reading or skimming through the first paragraph It reminded me of some similarities to my experience. I have to say, if its really not in your heart, or doubtful, at least take more time to think about it alone and together before committing to marriage.
I had my doubts but proceeded anyways and two years later we are having problems and so very far apart. I love my wife so very much despite everything that has happened, she makes me laugh and smile, she is the comfort of my heart, I sleep better at night when we are together, even just under the same roof I am relieved,
she makes me feel secure, she brings home sweet pastries and deserts, she takes my hand and kisses it and to her forehead when we she goes out, she trusts me in everything I do or say.
She loves me very much, and that makes my heart soft for her like no words can explain, and her tears she cries for me touch me very deeply, she is so innocent and trusting that she is not afraid to show her emotions or feelings she has been my only best friend since we met. But we have issues as all couples do, we are working on them and learning.
We are separated by thousands of miles now and i miss her so much, I feel so much guilt and sadness for her. but the decisions we make daily are all things we must live with and their consequences. life is very heartbreaking, can be frustrating, difficult to understand or explain. May Allah swt makes it easy for you bro.
To the sisters looking for marriage,
please if you find a man you are attracted to, consider many things logically since your emotions are already ok with him. Think if he will be good for your iman and deen, and vice versa. If he is like a leaf in the wind and you like to go to the stores and he will go with you, also go to masajid and he will go with you.
If he is angry or leaves you, know that Allah swt will never leave you. do not cry or hurt yourself over him, God willing someone better will replace him, but we only have one heart, and our path should not be replaced by anything other than never lose hope in Allah swt.