Islamic marriage advice and family advice

End of a serious relationship

depressed woman lost love

Assalamualaikum brother,

I have been with this guy since 2012 to 2015. But we broke up just few days ago. The guy is really caring, loving person. There is nothing I don't know about him. We have been dreaming to get married. But the problem is his family don't want a girl who is from different district/ state. Just because there is little difference with our language. They want him to marry someone who is from same district as they are from. Also his dad is really sick so he might die soon and his dad already liked a girl for him as well. Therefore he is thinking if he tells his dad about me he might get more sick and die because of him and if he dies then everyone will blame him. Now that he knows what his family wants he wants to leave. He think that its for our best. He says I will find a better guy then him etc.

But my heart doesn't want anybody else. I really want to get married with him. I asked him if he could meet my dad but he directly refused it because of his dad. His older brother, older sister and sister-in-law knows about me. But they can't do anything.

Is there any way I can get him back? The thing is years ago he asked me if he could do stuff that people do before getting married. I refused him directly because I knew adultery is forbidden in islam. But he kept asking and he made promises by Allah's name that no matter what happens he will marry me. So at some points I fall for him and I did want he wanted and after that he kept doing this with me.

But now that he left me, I'm scared that Allah will punish me so much. Also I feel so little about myself for doing this with him before getting married. I always wanted my husband to do this. Now that I lost the most precious thing I can't just let him go. Every time when I think that we not gonna be husband and that somebody else will marry me, It breaks my heart every time that I'm betraying my future husband. I pray to Allah so that I can get back with him but he won't come back.

The guy actually made me do lots of good stuff such as he asked me to pray as much as I can and he asked me to cover my body properly or wear hijab.

Now my mind started to thinking bad stuffs such as doing black magic and to get him back. Do you think if I do this I will be punished? Is there any way I can get him back? If he really leaves me should I tell my future husband about this, will I get in trouble if I share it with him? He made promises by Allah's name! Do you think Allah will forgive him if he doesn't get back with me? Do you think his dad has the right to force him to get married with some other guy, or blackmail him emotionally? Do you think Allah will forgive both of us for doing this?

Thank-you and I'm looking forward to get the answer.


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7 Responses »

  1. I honestly think you should move on and forget him.

    He used you and gave you false promises and he was just binding his time till he got bored. This is why haraam relationships are forbidden. Also if he was serious he would have married you ages ago instead of giving you excuses after excuses. I really feel your pain but you should let him go and move on. Don't look back has hard it is now in time pain will heal. Never ever repeat this sin or ever be with any guy alone. Also change for you dont change because someone told you too. Have love and respect for yourself and trust Allah inshAllah all the best.

  2. Sister ,

    Thats why Premarital relationship are haraam .Repeatedly we are getting these examples which keeps proving that interaction with opposite sexes and just friendship with honest concept leads in to this sinful actions .

    Islam doesn't allow boyfriend/girl friend relation ship .
    He just used you for sex and it is all over now .

    You need to sincerely repent to Allah and get yourself involved in lot of prayers and good work .
    Also in case if you you go for marriage with other man make sure which culture and country he belongs to because most of Asian muslim husband won't like their wife who had this sex before marriage .Most of Western countries born and brought up Muslims might take it easy ...Though as per Islam you don't have to confess your sin but if some one demands that he wants virgin wife then you are supposed to come out and not proceed without confessing it ..

    One important point is Black magic is major sin and it is Shirk .Don't ever think of doing this .Life is short and will you risk your imaan to get this immoral and low character man in your life ?? Imaan and character is everything so work towards those .

    • I agree especially the last paragraph
      Shame when someone uses someone that anger, desire, hate etc comes into it after especially when someone does wrong to someone and hurts someone without the care in the world. Never mind their own imaan and actions. I dont get people whats wrong with being honest why people feel the need to hide behind masks.

    • There are many posts here that refer to bf/gf relationships in the East. Furthermore, many of us have experienced friends and families who live in the East and engage in these relationships--they just happen to be secret and hidden, but they happen and happen in great numbers.

      I will not comment on this further on this post, but to suggest that Western Muslims will take sex before marriage as easy so far from the truth, it is really unbelievable that some people are still writing this type of thing and to brush an entire population with this falsehood based on where they are born.

      • Nowadays ,EAST or WEST most of people do haraam when they get an opportunity .

        My point was ,a person born and brought up in West might behave it in much cooler way if he finds that his wife has slept with men before marriage compare to a person born and brought up in EAST . Asian people are heavily influenced by culture and society related issues compare to Western guys . You can't generalize but I am talking about probability ...

  3. i can feel you sister since we had the same experiences, he asked me if i wanted to marry him since we did it as well before marriage and now he is marrying a new girl. he never opens it up to me yet because he told me his reason for breaking up with me is that he is studying abroad. but i can see from the fb post that his friends are greeting him congratulations for the bride.. i still want to end up with him but he really keep on insisting we are done and he can offer me only his friendship.. but i have high hopes that he still loves me and that he is just doing that because of his family. right now i am keeping myself busy learning islam, since i was just a converted muslim. i did it because we planned on getting married and now he left me in the middle of the road. i am an southeast asian and he is an arab. which maybe he choose to leave me because i will not be accepted by his family.

    • sheiszahra, your "high hopes" are deluding you. He broke up with you, got engaged to someone else, insists that it's over between you, but you still think that somehow he's going to be with you? Wake up, sister.

      Alhamdulillah that you came to Islam. That's a treasure worth far more than any useless young man like this. Hold on to your deen (Islamic way of life) and find yourself a good, sincere, kind-hearted Muslim, Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

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