Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Should I wear the Hijab?

Hijab to protect women not to oppress them.

I've recently converted to Islam, its been nearly five months now.. When I was learning about Islam it all felt so right and that feeling I was so sure about, I had never felt peace like that or been so sure of something before it came from deep within my heart and I had so many strong feelings about wanting to follow the Quran and the sunnahs perfectly, I know we can't be perfect but its something to aim for, right!?

In the months leading upto me converting and the weeks after converting I would be reading the Quran as much as possible, when I went home I was listening to it on the way to work and even sneeking it on my computer at work, I literally couldn't get enough of the Quran and learning more about Islam, tbh I was like that for a whole year leading upto my shahada being said, even at work I felt like at times of prayer I had a strong urge that I wanted and needed to pray..

But I live in a small town, a very small town and the people here never come across Muslims, the closest Mosque is in the city about 30 miles away, it doesnt sound far but people where I live are quite backwards.

I feel like I should be covering my hair because Allah has told us too and I know and understand the importance of it but my family disapprove of my choice to follow islam so much, I live with my gran who has strong christian beliefs my family are also Irish and theh tend to have strict traditions too.. Even though we live in England and I grew up here and my gran is no longer Catholic she still tends to hold onto the chatholic strict way of living and she has very misguided views on Muslims which is a nice way of putting it, my friends are the same and they have been saying a lot of horrible things about me on public social networks and it really was some horrible things they said.

I have lost all of my friends and my family are totally against it too my gran is making my life hell and I have nowhere else at this moment to go... She's thrown me out of the houses several times and is very aggresive and verbally abusive to me because of my choice, the thing is though I dont flaunt it in her face, I never try to preach to her about it and the only changes I have made about myself are I don't go out anymore, I dress more modestly and I don't drink anymore.. I have never been much of a meat eater and have never ate pork anyway so that isnt much different, I just eat veggie at home now and to make it easier because I cant buy halal food in the shops in my town I just told my gran I have become vegetarian and I cook for her anyway so its not like I'm demanding seperate meals to ensure they are halal, I sort it out myself to ensure my food remains halal. So if I was making her life difficult with my choice I would understand her reaction but nothing has changed and the things that have, have only do so for good..

Shes mad because all this happened after meeting my fiance which is a story on its own, I didnt do any of this for him as he is not very strong in his Islamic ways anyway and he would not like it if I wore a hijab as he is very into fashion and tbh he is quite vain so he really doesnt want me to wear it either, but its not about him its me..

And if I wear a hijab whilst living at home it would only cause more issues at home and cause things to be more difficult and my gran to be more violent towards me, she is already so violent and aggresive with me but financially I cant move out just yet and my partner still lives at home so I have nowhere else to go.

I obviously cover my hair when I pray but I have such a strong desire to wear a hijab when I leave my house, I feel so guilty that I dont wear one as I know I should. What should I do? Do you think God is mad because I am obeying something that is so important as a female muslim? If I wasnt in this situation I would have obeyed and done it sooner, but because of my gran I feel like I cant, since converting its been amazing on one hand with regards to finding the truth and I just want to tell everyone, but they all think I am crazy..

I really dont understand how they can disregard what is so obviously the truth but also on the other hand for me it has been the most difficult five months of my life.. I have lost my friends, my family are against me in every way, I am in two minds about if I should go forward with my relationship due to him sadly not fully following islam.. I have honestly never felt so lonely and hurt by the people I have been friends with for years and trusted more than anything.. I have been excluded from my family and I really dont know what to do.


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5 Responses »

  1. Sister relax Dont be hard on yourself.Your over thinking.Theres some important things you need to know .I am also an old revert now and my wife is a Islamic scholor . First environent is important.We need to be with sisters at mosque and Islamic lectures at mosque to be motivated influenced and not alone until your Iman gets strong.Foundation learning the basics is important but dont put so much pressure o yourself.Go easy consistently with moderation.Islam is easy .You should be a sunni muslim following one of the 4 major school of thoughts as a guide.Seek advice from scholors or imams at the mosque for questions .Do not take final opions on reg. joes who talk alot but no practice......Master salah. There is a book which i can recommend it is called taleem ul haq.Just go to the muslim book store.This book will teach you the basics. Also learn to read arabic so you can read quran .You will need that to protect you at all times because shaitan will attack you from all angles 24/7. And he doesnt like you to remember Allah for he stays far away until he sees a opportunity.My sister you will be tested especially from family friends etc... be prepared.The prophet says i gove you advice if you controll these two things you will be successful in both of the worlds.Hold your tongue.If you are going to speak say something thats good or dont say anything and the other is your private parts. So be patient and do what your heart feels dont let it whisper you doubts...Also never think neg about Allah he lovez us alot and will be there at all times.But we have to obey his pray 5 times give charity reg. and help people in general. only for the sake of Allah is our intentions.

  2. I belong to a Muslim family, so I might not be the right person to advice you but I must say that I am extremely proud of you and all the other brothers and sisters who are reverting to Islam. These might be tough times sister, but hang in there as you will be rewarded in an unimaginable way in this world and in the here after.

  3. Mashallah good for you. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time with your family and friends around you. It is a part of your test and it seems like you are doing wonderfully. Don't feel lost because Allah is always there for you. If wearing hijab might cause for you to not have a place to live if you feel your gran will throw you out. Put it on hold. My sister Allah knows what is best and islam is suppose to be easy and not hard on us. Take it easy on your self and Allah knows your intentions.

    If you would like to be alot closer to islam and Allah and you feel like your fiance is not, then rethink your relationship with him. Unfortunately born muslims sometimes take our religion for granted. If you can help him see the right path then will be rewarded for doing so. But if he is stopping you from wearing hijab and becoming more religious then rethink your options with him.

    I wish you all the best. Take it easy. Allah knows your intentions 🙂

  4. Dear Helena sis,

    Welcome to Islam. You have certainly made the right decision

    It actually is hard. When I first wore it my Muslim family was totally against it. But I kept it going and going. And now Alhmadulillah even they still don't like it, but at the same time they don't mind it.

    It's definitely hard and challenging at the beginning. It will make you cry and lonely, but with time it will become easier and easier, in Shaa Allah.

    Just make loads and loads of Dua. I made loadssss of dua. I prayed day and night out to Allah swt to bless me noor on my face that when people see me it would make them feel that they want to wear hijab too. And sub han Allah, Allah swt blessed me that and not only Muslims but also some non-Muslims admires my hijab.

    I would say go for it. With me my dear mother was totally against and with you it will be your respected grandma. Be easy on your grandma. Just have your hijab loosely in front of her. Plus Muslims women are not required to wear hijab in front of their Mahrams, and your grandmother your Mahram xx

    Hijab is hard to please those who don't like it but it's the little nice things that you do that will make them accept you with hijab with open arms. For example, I used to let my hair out and style it for my mother so it would not make her feel that hijab took her daughter away from her and that I was still the person as I used to be (laugh, joke and have conversation with them) and I was extra caring towards them and helped out around the house a little more than usual. So it's the little good things that you do for others.

    In Shaa Allah once you go through these bumps and don't give up, you will eventually live a very lovely Islamic life. I pray that Allah swt make your journey to Islam easy for you, ameen.

    - Me

    Ps. If you are the same Helena from the other post regarding your Muslim fiance, then my advice is to break up with him. Leave him. Let him be. You should not only try to marry a believer but also someone with some level of taqwa. Your fiance lacks taqwa big time. For this reason i say that you should leave him and you move on with your life. Don't waste your time and effort with him or someone similar. And don't form any permartial relationship with anyone. Just be in search of a good Muslim brother for marriage (this may take some time but that's totally okay).and always try to become better Muslim, in Shaa Allah 🙂 x

  5. Don't fell bad hun I converted about 3 months ago. I did it for me. Some of my family members are very mad. They told me they won't go in public with me if I'm wearing the hijab I'm an embarrisment. Every time I'm around them they say why are you supporting terrisim and I say have you read the Quran they said ohj its on there etc etc. I even offered my spare quran. Don't listen to them do what you need to do. If your happy as a Muslim women wear the hijab get some elegant ones let your self shine. Your doing a very good job I'm very proud of you. I hope it helps what I said coming from another converter who also is dealing with the same thing. If you ever need advice don't be scared to ask. We help one another!! May Allah help you on your journey ☺

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