Tired of my husband not praying or reciting Qu’ran
Assalamaliakum, thank you all for reading my post.
I have two problems and I need the solution for them. I am married for 6 years now alhumdulillah, a muslim from India. My husband alhumdulillah is a very nice man, he takes care of his family a lot. We have 3 beautiful kids mashallah. But he doesnt pray 5 times and doesn't know how to read Quran. He never read in arabic language. A few days ago he told me he read it in English before marriage. I seriously doubt that. I want him to learn arabic and read Quran and become a good muslim. I tell him hadith and how important prayer is for us but it doesnt have any effect on him. He just says hm,hm,hm.... that's it.
I need some supplication that I can recite to make him change.
Another thing is that I have a small group of ladies coming to my home and we have islamic discussion on various topics. I told them that it's not haram to cut our hair(ladies). They ask why is it not allowed to get eyebrows done? Whereas we can wax and remove our upper lip hair. Because everyone here in India says that women shouldn't cut hair and should not wax.
Can we wax andcut our hair, or not? I need authentic proof.
jazakallah,
-nazim
6 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Nazim,
With regards to your question about hair removal, please see this: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/is-plucking-eyebrows-permitted/
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
I may be mistaken, but from the sounds of your post it seems like you are saying your husband is a convert? You say he used to read the Qur'an translation in English, why don't you believe him? I have to tell you honestly, that a lot of native English speakers who convert to Islam don't start learning Arabic right away, and sometimes don't feel the need to for years and years. In the meantime, they DO read an English translation. The fact is, even when someone learns enough Arabic to recite, it doesn't mean they've learned enough to understand what they're saying. For a lot of converts, comprehension is just as important (and depending on the person, sometimes more important) than being able to recite only.
Forgive me, but it sounds like you are hounding and nagging him to meet your expectations. I can tell you that if he is new to Islam (even 6 years new) this is not the best tactic to motivate him. You can't hand a new Muslim a list of do's and don'ts and expect that they will understand the importance or even easily comply. Converting to Islam requires a whole lifestyle overhaul, and it can be very overwhelming and difficult. A lot of converts don't pray consistently for a long time, and even in getting to that point it's an immense struggle. It's hard to compare what it's like for you, having practiced all your life, to someone who is not used to it at all and is maybe even still building his own iman in his heart. Even Islam itself was not revealed in one lump sum, but in pieces to help people take it on in a manner that was easier.
I suggest to you that you drop the whole issue about him being able to recite altogether. Even though there is a lot of barakah, healing, and benefit in quranic recitation, it's not fard in the same sense that the 5 pillars are. It's more important at this point that he start praying. If I was in your shoes, I would put it like this: I would tell him how much I care for him, how much I want to always be together, and even though there are no guarantees I wouldn't want this "not praying" thing to be the aspect that separates us in the hereafter. Ask him if he can start by just doing one salat a day, any which he finds easiest. Ask him if there's anything you can do to help make it easier for him, since right now he probably sees you more like the moral police than a loving, caring and helpful wife. Talk to him about what makes it hard for him to pray, not so much to "fix" him but to just understand how he experiences life and Islam. When a human being feels understood, sometimes it makes them want to try harder to improve their deficits.
The bottom line is, you can't MAKE him change. Allah has guided him this far, and it's Allah Who will continue to guide him as He likes. Your husband isn't on this earth for your pleasure, but for Allah's. You can make sincere du'a that your husband comes closer to his Creator and that your husband's love for Allah increase, but outside of that the best thing you can do is offer support and help, instead of strictures and preaching.
Shariah, what we "do and don't", is like the bones of Islam. Sharing the love, compassion, and mercy of Allah with others is the warm flesh that covers it. If you have the shariah without the love, you have a very dead structure which invites no one. If you have the flesh without the bones, you have something that is weak and cannot support itself when needed. To really show the vibrancy of Islam, you have to have both. So put some warm, tender, soft-touched flesh on the bones you already know about, and show him fully what makes Islam so special.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I don't think the husband is a revert Amy. There are many born Muslims who don't enjoy reciting Quran in Arabic because they find it difficult or boring and they don't like reading it English either just because they have no interest. If the husband has said that he read it in English before he got married, that means he hasnt read it in six years as the sister said they've been married that long. That would be quite worrying to me, to know that my husband has not read any part of the Quran in six years, as this would reflect his lack of interest and passion in the deen. I do agree with you strongly though that 'nagging' will only drive the husband away. So instead of 'telling' him to pray and recite, there needs to be a more gentle and loving approach and one led by example.
However, I don't know what approach to offer here as I would personally find it quite off putting and upsetting if after six years of marriage, my husband still had a lack of interest in the Quran and in Salaah. I would want to pray with my husband and learn together with him - thats something that I believe would increase my love and respect for him. Without that, I would feel quite disconnected and void of passion. Which is why I would start take these things into consideration when looking for a spouse.
Which begs the following questions Nazim:
What was your husband's level of practising before you got married? What was your level of practicisng and what attracted you to marry him? As I assume that someone who is striving to practice Islam, would look for similar traits in a prospective spouse. If your husband was not practising when you married him and you knew of this, then you cannot expect him to change just because you want him to. Added to that, if he shows more interest in just praying Salaah for now, then that is a very good thing, as some people do not pray at all. If he shows interest in reading the Quran in English, don't put him down by saying he needs to read in Arabic. And if indeed it is you who has changed and become more practising, then you need to be patient with your husband, since it is unfair to expect him to now match your level of deen overnight or if ever.
If he is a good husband as you say and has interest in deen and does pray some Salaah, be gentle and loving with him and lead by example. I pray that you both become the comfort of each other's eyes and hearts and lead each other in piety, aameen.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank u so much for ur reply but fortunately or unfortunately my husband is born a muslim from hyderabad in India.But my mother-in-law never taught her kids Quran in childhood so none of my brother-in-laws knows how to read Quran they just pray jummah salah.But alhumdulillah my husband now prays twice everyday qaza of fajr and ishan 4 farz .He doesnt read Quran knows only 3 surahs.But iam very serious about praying n reciting Quran.We didnt inquire about prayers before marriage coz he did hajj n used to live in Jeddah that was a mistake.
Now iam trying my best to change him.Pray for me.
Jazakallah
Asalamualaikum sister,
You didn't make any mistake you trying your best from your heart and inshallah Allah will listen and see your efforts. As long he started to pray inshallah he will do it regularly have patient. Your intention is good don't worry too much. Even me trying my best for my husband. Allah is watching my intention and efforts. Allah will reward good.
May Allah bless you
Walaikumasalam
Nadia
assalamaliakum,
I was a practicing muslim i used to pray 5 times salah.But the passion to practise as much as possible and to do something for deen developed after marriage.May be by seeing my husband i didnt want my kids to turn up without islamic values.
Iam praying alot i want you alla to pray for us.