Unsupportive parents
I have been raised up in a terribly disturbed family. Against my parents approval and out of frustration I married at teenage to the first guy I came across though he did not even belonged to my status. Allah knows I did this to prevent any wrong doings of which I was so afraid to be falling into. But as it was expected, the marriage didn't last for more than a year. However a child was born to me in this while.
Its been 10 years since I am living a life of a single mother with my kid and parents. I had to bear immense shame and insult from my parents for not listening to them in the first place.
But now the problem is that my parents are strictly against my remarriage. They didn't even help me get divorce (khula) from the court because they considered it useless. I had to get divorce from the court all by myself. They want me to live with them, earn and raise up my child as a single mother all my life. Allah knows this is not what I had in my mind for myself.
Now I am afraid to take up any step towards my second marriage on my own. I even proposed to two men to keep me as their second wife or maintain a secret marriage with me but they refused.
I am still young and good looking. I cry every night. I don't understand what to do in such a situation.
Quds5
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Asalam alaikum,
You do not have to feel ashamed sister! You got married to do the right thing, and it didnt work out..its in the past, so move on. Alhamdulilah you have the love of Allah swt, love from your baby, and the (halfway) support of your family who allow you to live at home. Like the picture up top says, "the teacher is always quiet during a test" so do not be afraid. If it is meant that you should remarry, then it will be insha'Allah.
There are ways to gain support from the local Muslim community to find a suitable partner for you, you just have to ask around to see if anyone knows some eligable bachelors. Dont feel ashamed of yourself or your precious baby, just ask for help in your masjid and insha'Allah a prince charming will find his way into your life. It sounds like your family is only unwilling to START looking for a marraige candidate, but certainly willing to go along with whatever plans you and the man's family may have. In the Quran sharif it says that we must start to help ourselves before Allah swt will start to change things for us.
Just a side note, Secret marraiges are as bad as weed vines that grow up the side of a house and break the walls. Its a killer to what little relationship you may have with your parents. Just dont think of it.
All the best,
Shereen
OP: Now I am afraid to take up any step towards my second marriage on my own. I even proposed to two men to keep me as their second wife or maintain a secret marriage with me but they refused.
If you can find a man who wants to marry you get married. Secret marriage is just like an illegal sexual relationship. You will easily find men who will do a secret marriage to use you then they can do a secret divorce.
You don't need your parents' permission to re-marry. You also do not have a duty to remain a single mother, living with your parents. You have a duty to take care of your parents, but you do not have to give up your hopes, dreams and desires for your parents.
If you are working and earn income, then you should find an apartment or house for you and your child, and live your life. Help your parents as needed, visit them regularly, make sure your child honours them. But you are allowed to live your life.
Some day you may re-marry, but it is generally difficult for muslim women who are divorced with a child to find husbands -- especially when their families do not help them. The Islamic way is for parents to help their daughters with marriage, but that does not always happen. However, even without marriage, you can still live a productive life with your child.
My heart goes for you sister.
First of all, I cannot emphasis enough the importance of talking nicely and being good to parents in all conditions and situations.
Secondly, its your Allah given right to have a husband and get more kids
so do not give up.. everyday counts for you.
you can talk to a scholar to tel your parents what they are doing is not right.
Tel them that you are still young and needs a man, a life partner and a protected, be direct and tell them all what is in your heart. No parents has the righ to put their son/daughter in this position. W live in a world full of fitnah, and parents should be supportive to protect their kids from these fitnahs by getting them a good spouse.
You did very right by proposing to the men you mentioned. Be strong and do not give up. propose to whomever you think can be a good husband for you, take your destiny in your hands, mashaaAllah you are beautiful and you you will eventually find a man who treat like you his queen and compensat you for all the hardship you have been through
May Allah help u