Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to be a role model to my younger sisters, but I don’t know how?

Muslim school girls

Muslim girls at Bradford faith school.


Im not really sure where to start so im just gonna go for it.

I'm 19 years old and since i was 10 iv been sexually, physically and emotionally abused.

my mother left when i was young so i had to grow up a lot which was hard as i had been going through a lot of abuse alongside my two younger siblings. but you know when you just have to close your eyes and be strong for those close to you that's what i had to do.

I drifted from my deen big time but Alhumdulillah i'm back on it and i chose to get married as i no longer wanted to live a life of sin. and MashAllah my to be is amazing and caring he supports me fully.

but im here because i need help. i have two younger siblings and i want to show them that life doesn't just stop. you have to keep going and your past is no excuse for your future.

i want them to see that i didn't just get married and become a housewife. i want them to see me as successful Muslimah, wife and working woman. i'm working on the first two but the last one is a problem. i cant go into university so gaining a degree is out of the question but i truly want to become something so i can be a role model to my sisters. i just don't know how to do it

Help please ..

- Sameen_x

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9 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I just want to say that you already are an inspiration. You were abused, you suffered, you were put in a position where you had no choice but to accept and learn to live with your circumstances.

    But now, you are free. You are making the most of your life, moving on into a bright future. You have surrounded yourself with people who truly care for you, and a husband-to-be who insha'Allah will treat you as you've always deserved. You are going to pursue your goals as best you can, and may Allah bring you the reward of it in this life in the next.

    Sister, we speak loudest to others by living our lives out loud. We humans, we notice each other. We watch each others for cues on how to live life. We see how others live, and we get ideas on what our lives should be like-- either by being better than what we are seeing or striving to replicate what we see in those we admire. It's innate in us to want to reach our potential, to be the best we can be and rise above our challenges.

    Your sisters have been watching you their whole lives, whether you realize it or not. They may have seen you suffer for a time, but they are taking note on what you do now. They see who you've chosen to marry, and they are learning what type of man they should allow to be in their lives. The more you walk into your destiny as fully as you can, the more you are showing them how precious they are, and the bounty Allah wants them to have in this life as beloved creations of His.

    There are some people who tell everyone how to live life, while they are still struggling to learn the same lessons they shout about. While we may be able to relate to them, they aren't the ropes we hang on to find inspiration. Then there are those who perhaps say nothing, but quietly they are working hard to change their lives and better their situations. The lives of those individuals can't be ignored. They are the world changers, the influencers, the life savers. They are the ones we see as examples of the deen, of the character of Prophet Muhammad SAWS, and of the amazing strength and power in our human potential.

    You already are saving your sisters, simply by saving yourself. Don't give up, don't wall yourself in, and don't let your discouragement keep you from rising again when you're knocked down. You will see insha'Allah that everything you're doing is reaping beautiful things in the lives of your sisters and others as well.

    -Amy Editor

  2. AS Sister I understand you have been abused? What scares me the most is that you've been sexually abused at such a young age. If you don't mind, who is the abuser. If he/she has access to you or your younger siblings easily or at home you need to seek help immediately!

  3. Salamu'alaikum sister,

    It is so horrifying to face such a situation. May Allah Reward you for your Patience and May He Bless you with His Bounties.

    As far as your siblings are concerned, you are a role model to them already. They have been looking up to only you and hope for support for you alone. This is because you are traveling in the same boat as them. When you have recognized the faith and wish to accept the Guidance, this is what will influence them, in sha Allah.

    Teach them the deen and tell them how Merciful Allah Is. And that He Will in sha Allah Reward them for their patience.

    I am concerned if this person still abuses you or any of your siblings? You should report them to the authorities, so as to have them punished.

    Forget about the degree. They reason for it is mostly finding a good job. You can do that without having to get a degree. You could take up teaching kids the simple subjects at school or privately (tuition), or you could take tuition for the Quran if you are good at Tajweed. You could do something of this nature and also encourage your siblings on this.

    May Allah Help you in this.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Salaams,

      I would just like to say that there are other reasons to get a degree other than employment issues. Some people want to get a degree because it's a personal goal they have always longed to fulfill, or to actually learn more about something that's of interest to them.

      Besides, even if she did want to maximize for a better job, that wouldn't be wrong either. If her husband were to suddenly pass away and she were left to provide for herself or her children, the education certainly wouldn't hurt her whereas being uneducated might prove to be a disadvantage. Many countries don't have "good" jobs available for someone without a degree, unfortunately.

      Sister, I hope you continue to work on your goals. I can say for myself, I got my degrees only as an "insurance plan"- a "just in case". Originally, I never intended to use them and wanted to be a full-time stay at home mother with my husband fully supporting the family financially. As it happened, my life didn't follow the script I had hoped for but my degrees opened up opportunities for me I would've never had otherwise. At this time, I have a solid and rewarding professional career helping others, I can pay all of my expenses and care for the needs of my children without any assistance, and I am also in the process of buying my first home. Whatever halal things you want to do in this life, you certainly deserve to pursue those dreams!

      -Amy Editor

      • I understand that, sister. This is why I said "mostly" and not "always".

        And another reason was that the sister said it was out of question. I was telling her other possible opportunities apart from a job that requires a degree.

        Muhammad Waseem Editor

        • Thanks for pointing that out, I apparently glossed over that mention.

          Sister, what is the reason you cannot go to university? I know a lot of people cite financial issues, but many institutions offer financial aid to work around this. Was there something in particular you aspired to be "when you grew up"?

  4. Sister Sameen_x

    I think Sister Amy and Brother Waseem have given you good advice.

    I have one other suggestion. Might it be possible for your younger siblings to live with you and your husband? because of the abuse you suffered, they may also be suffering the same to one level or another.

    Also, I am not sure if you are married or soon to be married, but in either case, it might be wise to have yourself examined by a doctor to make sure you did not catch a disease from your abuser. I know this is a terrible thought, but you owe it to yourself, your husband, and your future children to make sure you are okay. If you do have something, chances are it would be something treatable and could be addressed immediately with no long term effects.

    And about the degree, I want to add that if you pray about it, you will know your path. Allah will open up doors for you to do what He plans. It may not be easy, but considering what you have been through in your past, I am sure you will be up to the challenge.

    May Allah sustain you. Amin.

    AmericanMuslim Editor

  5. Asalaamu-Alaikum

    Im the same person as the one who posted the above post but i forgot i had this and ended up making a new account with a new post in more detail about this same thing well it is kind off

    I cant go to uni because of the money problem aswell as im really rubbish at exams etc.
    My abuse is written in more detail with the post i made on this account

    And finally my sisters living with me and my husband to be is kind of out of the question as although my husband to be would like nothing more as he knows how both of the girls have suffered it can become diffocult as our families are cultural

  6. is it possible for you to contact the authorities to report the abuser, so that your younger siblings will not get abused by the same person?

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