Who am I to choose? My parents or my husband?
I got married last year July; at first my parents liked him but later on they didn't want me to marry him because they got to know he had an affair with a non-Muslim girl during high school but he told us he broke up. I wanted to marry him because I used to talk to him and text him everytime and he loved me a lot. After marrying my parents never spoke to me but always insulted my husband by telling others that he is very bad and stuff. His mother is not a good character, because I got to know it when I was living with them that she had other affairs with men. But my husband was very loving to me. He cared a lot for me. He was angry with my parents because they treated him in a cheap way so he didn't allow me to speak to my parents.
I always obeyed him and he did his best to make me happy as I am the only child to my parents they were depressed a lot because they never get to see me so my cousins used to advise me not to ignore them but I had to obey my husband. He was very strict in that,he used to watch over me to check whether I talk to them, but I couldn't bear no more so I came to them a few times but again went back to my husband. We had problems at my in-law's place due to my mother in law's behavior so she left us in that house.
I got depressed and sick by staying alone in that house the whole day bacause my husband comes late at night. After that I went back to my home. My parents were forcing me to divorce him, but I couldn't because I love him. He again came for me and told me to stay at my place until he gets a house for rent, but my mom chased me and told me to go with him and never come back. I had to stay in a boarding until he can find a home for us.
At this time I heard things from my parents saying that my husband still has that affair with that girl. They told me if I don't trust them just go and ask from a guy from his workplace. When I asked that guy he said yes he saw my husband with that girl recently. I was shocked and angry so I left him. My parents said they could only accept me if I divorce him this time, so I said ok. I went for the courts one time. I have the second hearing in September. My husband doesn't want the divorce and still wants me back. What am I to do??
-ashika
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Salaams Sister
Your parents put you in a very akward position by asking you to divorce this man. They should have just told you what they've found out and this decision to divorce should have come from you. But then we have to remmeber all parents wants what's best for their children. They want to protect you from this man. They probably feel helpless and don't know how else to adress the issue.
Sister have you questioned him about this "women"? How did your parents come to know about this women? Have they actually seen your husband with her? Sometimes we shouldn't just beleive what others( guy at work) say to us but coming home late at night is also suspicious behaviour. Have you questioned him about this? Is it work that he has to do?
Sister if you feel that you want to give him another chance then explain to your parents that you want to work out your marriage. Ask your parents to give him a chance to prove himself good. But please don't let him stop you from contacting your parents.
Goodluck
Sister,
I appreciate that ur husband became really strict with u by not allowing u to see ur parents/family but I do not think there is enough reason for u to demand for divorce. And I acknowledge that the guy from ur husband's workplace witnessed ur husband with that same girl but still I think u need to talk about this incident properly first with him before filing for a divorce.
Divorce in Islam is permitted yet not encouraged at all. So ur family should have supported u with ur choice of marriage as he is AL muslim and also showed/exprssed his love and happiness towards u.
Further, u have mentioned that u love him too! So I think u shouldn't ask for divorce untill u r really sure for certain he is not having an affair. Instead, ask for separation and both of u need to seek advise from a marriage counseller.
May Allah (swt) makes it easy for both of you.
Wish u well.
x
* correction: 'I think u shouldn't ask for divorce until u r really sure for certain he is having an affair'
remove the word 'not'.
sister
i agree with what has been said. It seems there is a lot of conjecture, lots of going back and forth, with no real discussion going on. Be realistic sister, this is a marriage your dealing with not childs play! Talk to the man.. (your husband!!!). Have a lenghty disscussion about EVERYTHING thats been going on, tell him honestly that you cannot leave your family but at the same time you are willing to compromise. And from him demand the truth, ask him why is he being so loving to you if he wishes to be with someone else and indeed if he does want to be with someone else then make it clear to him that you will not tolerate it and that you want the truth.
With regards to your parents, I think you should take it slowly. Explain to them kindly that you wish to make your marriage work, if you like speak to an Imam and get him to assist you in this. Be kind to your parents, lovingly open up to them and tell them that your husband loves you and you love him and you need their help in making a success of your marriage.
Only you can judge how good or bad your situation has become, but please sister, make your own decision and then be firm. In all your efforts and whatever you decide to do please turn to Allah in earnest, only He can help you, pray to Him to help you resolve your problems.
I pray that Allah makes it easy for you.
Do what is correct islamically
i want to marry a boy ,, he aslo likes so much to marry me ,, we love each for about 3 years ,,but we r from different conutries , we r both muslim ,, my family agree my marriage to that boy but his family nt agree because thy said im older than the son a bit ,, nw the family r preparing marriage for thier son without his agreement ,, im so sad ,, i just pray allah help me .. i want to ask allah can accept marriage by force?
Forced marriage is prohibited in Islam and is considered invalid.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor