All I want to do is the right thing, but my boyfriend is making it difficult!
Hello and thank you for your commitment here and helping others! May Allah help you all! I am a woman who lives in a Swedish country, not growing up in Islam, or a practicing family! I have never learnt about islam, just heard about it and so.
But since I've been a child I have been trusting in God, and always prayed in my heart for help when I saw my mother crying or when something went wrong at home! I've been very hurt in my childhood and very alone and always keep searching for right things and always wanted the right way to go... But I went on a long way with alot of sins and alot of wrong doings! I've always been hurt by others, family, friends, boys etc. But I always forgave everyone since I was a sinner myself!
Anyway, when I was 11 years old I saw a boy and I was so in love after just seeing him, so I prayed in my heart that I will marry that man in the future! So after 3 years that boy went in the same school as I, and I was so happy and choked! So to make it short we became girlfriend and boyfriend, and he wasn't serious at all so I left him when we was 18 and I moved on and met another man, (notice none of us were Muslims) and we got engaged and planned marriage! After months my ex sent me mails and everything that he was sorry and he hoped I was happy now! But I didn't care and moved on. When I was 21 and started to plan the wedding and all of it, we decided to not marry and go from each other! And it was a hard time but I moved on! So my ex was still waiting for me but I didn't care...
And months after he explained that he waited all these years and he loved me so deeply and wanted me to give another chance! I did! And now I am 24 and we have been together since 3 years back again! Couple months ago I started to read about Islam and felt so good and wanted to learn the salat... (also my mother became Muslim not my father yet though) and I've tried to pray and reading the Quran and I love it... But my boyfriend don't believe in religion (as I know) he believes in God alot only! But I always talk about Islam.
And he gets angry and says stop reading those things it's nothing for you, but I still say "this is something I believe in and no one can take it from me" and sometimes he reads about the prophet Mohammed, just because I always say no man is a man as he was, and he comes up with different stories about Islam and the about the prophets at times! But then he says, you see I know about everything, and I can! (very proud) so I always get so happy when he read and try to have knowledge although he continues to say, I do not want that kind of life etc.
Anyway, I really love this man and for us in our culture we are girl and boyfriend then they ask our hands! So my father also says get to know him first and then let me meet him! My mother knows him because we been with each other in the past and she likes him! I've asked him to meet my family and maybe get engaged or something but he says we should wait a little until he get a real job and don't want to come without anything to my father! So I said ok and I'm waiting! But I didn't want to be with another man because I can't, not that I can't live without him because I love Allah so much more, but I can't have zina with another man, it's disgusting, don't want another man to touch me or something! And he really has almost everything I want in a man, as a person (and love that he always says he loves God). And this man have never had a relationship but only with me, when we weren't together he was just with girls for zina and alot of women! He told them from the begining to girls that he loved me, But he just want to see people and have fun so those girls accepted!
Anyway, this letter is very confused. But I am so afraid that I am doing wrong! I am having patience with him to become a Muslim and praying for it, but I am worried about myself and don't know what to do. In our culture we can't marry others than our country, and this man is my best friend and became also as my love and he cries everytime I say I don't know if I am doing right because I want to marry, not have a relationship. I am so afraid, and he keeps waiting and saying I beg to wait! And his family would never let him marry until he is stable and they are not Muslims at all! I am so confused and really sad because I am so scared and he always says, you are not my girlfriend for me you are my wife remember. But I don't know what to do at all!!! I cry everytime I think that I am in a relationship...
Please don't judge me, I am just a beginner and just learn about Islam....Hope to get some good advice. Sorry for a complicated letter,
-lalla
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Assalamalaikum Beginner . this is very important for you at this stage-
(Ali Yousuff, I deleted your response. Although it was good Islamic information, it was not related to the question. The sister did not ask about "Where is Allah" nor about hijab. In the future please read the question carefully and try to give a relevant response. - Wael, IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
By seeing how easily you both got back together, he is now using delaying tactics because WHY should he marry you when he has all the (physical mostly!) benefits and NO responsibilities of the binding relationship of marriage?
Dear sister Lalla, As-salamu alaykum,
Alhamdulillah, all praise is for Allah who guided you to Islam. That is a great gift and blessing. If you lived a thousand years you could never repay Allah for the gift of guidance and truth. The only thing you can do is to obey Him and follow His commandments.
Sister, you have embraced Islam but not fully. It's time to finish your journey and cross over completely into Islam. You cannot be with a non-Muslim man, no matter how long you have known him or how much you like him. It's a relationship with no future. For one thing, it is forbidden in Islam. Secondly, what about the children? You must break off your relationship with your boyfriend. There is no wiggle room on this, no space for debate.
You need to let your family know about your conversion to Islam, and let them know that you can only marry a Muslim. It doesn't matter if your future husband is Arab, Turkish, Pakistani, a Swedish convert, or whatever. In Islam we do not look to such things. What matters is that he should be a Muslim, submitting to Allah, performing his Islamic obligations, and having a kind heart.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaikum Lallla,
Throughout our lives we come upon scenarios, both small and large, in which we have to leave something behind. This starts when we are very young, leaving behind the comfort of home to go to school as a child. Then leaving our elementary years and easy studies for high school, exams and the rush of education that prepares us for an adult life. Through those years, we leave behind friends for new ones, teachers and past experiences. Our families may change, people may pass away into the afterlife and we grow older and hopefully wiser.
Sometimes however, there is a person we bring along for a time, who professes to love us and will care for us or vice versa. We believe that this person will be with us forever, but in reality, nothing or no one will last forever. We are human though, and romance is something that is hard to let go of, as love so often is that way. So we hold on in spite of the new reality.
Then one day, we are confronted with the fact that God wants something greater for us. He wants us to turn towards Him and live a life that He approves of and will grant us Heaven as His chosen blessed creation, if we obey and love Him. Yet through this, God will test us. He wants to see if we can let go of those things in life which are temporary and which don't last forever, including people who we may feel love for.
Why does God do this? Why must we let go? Why should we leave them behind?
The answer is the same for all of us: we must learn that He knows what is best for us. If given the choice between planning our future or having Him, the Most Merciful, the Most Loving and the Most Kind, choose our destiny, then we submit and choose Him. For whatever dreams may come, His Decree is greater than we could have ever hoped for not just in this world, but also in the hereafter.
Whatever Allah (swt) has in store for this man, whether he chooses Islam or not, is not up to you. Allah (swt) is not asking you to wait for this man and to bring him to Islam, because Allah (swt) can do that on His own. Allah (swt) is trying to teach you that He knows best and that to learn this, you have to submit to Him in this situation. You have to be willing to leave this man behind if you want to submit to the Oft-Forgiving Lord of the Worlds.
Your journey is at a crossroads. Right now you are sitting and waiting still glancing back at the past, hoping this man will catch up with you. In a way, you might be delaying your conversion because then you know it would require you to leave this guy behind. You can't hedge your bets in this way, Sister Lalla. Our paths are individual and so we choose to walk towards God, first and foremost, to salvation.
If this man joins you, then praise be to God. And is this man does not, then seek refuge and comfort in God.
Allah (swt) is calling you. Can you answer Him? Will you answer Him?
Professor X that's very wise advice and well put, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
Dear madam
I read in the sisters And he gets angry and says stop reading those things it's nothing for you,and ending lines.[ I am just a beginner and just learn about Islam]
pl read and see- this site you will agree my point-
http://www.missionislam.com/knowledge/whereallah.htm
So a beginner is the one who needs to know Allah then his his attributes and what He likes the women to do that is hijab.
Others are free to give her advice on her whereabouts i gave the real answer to her without the perfection of faith all is in vain.
PL READ WHAT HER SOURROUNDING IS LIKE-
And this man have never had a relationship but only with me, when we weren't together he was just with girls for zina and alot of women! He told them from the begining to girls that he loved me, But he just want to see people and have fun so those girls accepted!
And for this reason i gave the best book on a girls move and her limit in this world in the Islamic perspective-
Pl show me where i went wrong or my answer was wrong except that i wanted to give them the source for yearning that is the learning about Islam.
regards
ali
Salaams,
In this particular post, we really don't know if she's wearing hijab. It doesn't come up. She may be, she may not be. We should try to assume the best, but even if you wanted to give general advice about hijab that's not really the problem- the problem is that you were answering that issue and ignoring her question altogether. What if she already is wearing hijab? By you telling her about its importance have you really helped her? The answer would be "no".
It's also not a bad idea to offer information that can help a beginner like this poster, but on the same token it would've been nice if you had offered some advice about what she should do about her boyfriend, since that's what she was asking about.
I hope these explanations help you understand what we as editors are trying to share with you. If you want to persist in giving manufactured answers regardless the nature of the problem, I imagine you might see a lot of your posts edited out like some have been already and you may very likely be placed on "moderated" status.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
I would also like to add, briefly, that the book you linked to on Purdah gives a very extreme description of a woman's issues during her monthly, and thus does not apply to the majority of women. It also seems from that point the author goes on to support what appear to be some misogynistic views.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear madam
The author is not giving his own opinion but from references from literature of Quran and Hadees and the whole book is full of that.
May be your aurguement is correct but my sending the book reference to youngsters is to learn a lesson from it the alarming situations/consequences by renouncing the hijab brings and the modern society where it has landed today.
Starting from simple dating [which the girls are writing in their stories] and ending with the zina and separation or decieving by the boys.
The western culture[in the book]intro page marriage 2nd paragraph] which has shown us their life pattern to know that our coming generation will become like what we see in their lives today.
Any way if you are very particular i will avoid the lessons to be taught for their roots to become strong with islamic literature and just write the best possible answers on their plight.
regards
ali