Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Brother is sinning!

Internet pornography

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. My brother is 11-12 years old. Some days ago, I took my brother's phone to watch some videos and I found some bad websites and pictures. I saw what I think of semen on my sheet (the lowest part of my sheet) too. I haven't told anyone about this, or even make mention it. I'm thinking of telling my mother. Would telling my mother or advising my brother without telling her would be better? What do I do in this situation?

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3 Responses »

  1. He's just a child, and at an age where he's probably just discovering what sexuality is - I wouldn't say he's sinning at this point. He probably doesn't understand the seriousness of what he's doing.

    I don't think you should embarrass him by announcing to the whole family what's he's doing. I think you should pull him aside, show him what you have caught on his phone and ask him why he's looking at pornographic content. Try to educate him on the matter, and teach him WHY it's not a good thing to search for and look at pornographic content on the internet.

  2. At a young age, he is probably curious and going the wrong way about it. But he is unaware and still young.

    Like the sister mentioned above, I wouldn't broadcast it to the family either: just take him aside and explain it to him with a loving and caring attitude.
    Nip it at the bud before an addiction develops.

    Also, sometimes at schools- friends may encourage him to watch it; so consider that it may be a peer pressure thing.
    So I would advise speaking to him and finding out the reason why he is watching such material. And if his friends are encouraging him, keep an eye on them also so they don't become a bad influence on him.

    Just ensure you have a gentle approach even though it may be awkward to address. Be an understanding older sister, rather than coming across as a controlling one as it may have the opposite effect on him instead.

    Your Sis in Islam x

  3. Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

    If you are sure that it is semen on the sheet then that means he has reached puberty and so is now considered baligh and accountable before Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaa for his actions.

    As a mum of teenagers myself, I would expect my older children to let me know about a situation like this. i would then speak with him, in a non-accusing way - it could be that he ejaculated during a wet dream (blameless) and it is possible that someone else viewed haram material on his phone if he is in the habit of lending it to other people. I would simply ask him a few questions to establish the truth and then remind him that Allah has blessed us with rules and punishments for sexual activity outside marriage, and that means that anything that lies on the path to zina, including viewing haram material, staring at girls and masturbation, are forbidden in our religion. If and only if, he admitted to anything, then I would discipline him accordingly.

    So in summary, I would tell mum discreetly and let her deal with it rather than trying yourself, which would be embarrassing for you both. Your mum will probably have given him guidance on sexuality and relationships already and so is best placed to know what to say and do in situations like this. May Allah guide your brother to purity. Ameen.

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