I cannot accept that he has been with other women before
Salam, I had recently gotten a proposal by a Muslim man, and we had gotten to know each other for nearly 2 yrs, and had planned on getting married this year. He had told me that he was virgin when we both started to know each other, but now he tells me he had commited Zina whilst he was young, and told me he didn't want to tell me as he knew I would get angry and not accept him.
I have done istikharah in the past and so has he, but nothing much has really happened. Should I still marry him?
I told my mother and she said at least he was honest with me at the end, but I feel I cannot live with this thought that he had been with other women, as to me having sex for the first time with someone you are married to is special and a blessing.
What should I do?
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i think lied and it is a big thing in islam. secondly you may have aids so she needs to have the opportunity to ask you to have blood tests for hiv. thats only fair on her.
Asalamu Alikum,
Sister, we all have a past, i am sure you have one too where when you were younger you might have don something you regret.
Did he say he had sex wih multiple women or one woman? How old was he? When some guys are immature, and not connected to their deen in their teens, they may have done something that they regret later. Judge it on how he feels about this- does he boast about it, is he ashamed to to tell you. etc..it seems like he is very shy about this sister and has a sense of the gravity of his sins.
Has he lied to you before and covered up other things?
Judge this brother on his behaviour now. How does he behave today? if you beleive he is sincere in his efforts to be a good muslim, prays, fast, etc etc, this might be his new attitude and knows to avoid such things.
Just pray istikhara and judge him on his behaviour today and not the past especially if he is being sincere and is commited to you at this point.
Allah knows best.
Take care sister,
Sims
asalamu alaikum,
ok sis i understand how you feel, but you gotta understand everyone makes mistakes some worse than others. since you said you cannot live with this thought, then i suggest you dont marry him. in order for a relationship to work it needs full efforts from both partys, but if one comes in a relationship half heartedly then its a high possibilty the marriage will fall through.
since i dont know the brother i cant say much. i mean he probably regretted what he did and repented for the sin he committed so can you still hold that against him? so the question is, is the brother willing to change?
this is something you really need to think about, do what you feels is right.
ma salama
every 1 of us makes mistak in his/her lyf but we make repanded 2 alah n alah 4 gives any thing excipte shreak but ur slef in his sution wat would u do so think sister n he seems 2 me that he iz honest with u so fear alah he made a mistak 4giv him n alah will reward u
I think you are being quite harsh and judgmental. If the prophet (pbuh) thought the way you did, he would never have married Khadijah - and what a great decision it was that he did marry Khadijah.
No one is perfect . However, if you sincerely feel that you'll never come to terms with it - don't torture him - because its something he cannot change. We cannot change the past.
So if you cant accept it - let him be free to find someone who will love him in his entirety and not have to suffer the awful feeling of being rejected because of something you cant change.
Leyla...I just wanted to mention that the comparison between Khadija(ra) and this man in question is not really relevant.
Khadija(ra)'s past relationship was halaal, she was a married and a chaste woman.
The man in question in this post had a haraam relationship.
Thank you for the correction Sister Z :0)
I got the impression from the sister's post that she is upset that he is not a virgin, however I understand now that it is because he sinned and not because he is not a virgin?
When you know what you want its better you dont force yourself going into somebodies else words.In the end its you who is going to live with him .If you cant forgive him for his past move on Inshallha you will find a better person .
He was honest with you. You should forgive him. Forgiveness is always the best. And if you do not forgive him, perhaps 'he' will find someone better than you. That street goes both ways. Allahu alim.
Assalamualaikum Sister.
Looking at the situation, you're finding a guy much like yourself.
To you he is not what you thought he was. But marriage is a 'whole-package'.
Meaning you should weigh the pros and cons of marrying this guy.
You should'nt reject a man for marriage just because he is not a virgin nor should you marry one
just because he is.
Rather you should see him as he is now and how he could fit into your life.
Does he know your family or do you know his? How do you get along with each others' family...etc
Marriage is sometimes a business deal and you have to look at it from all aspects.
Having said all that you should go with your gut feeling after praying istikarah and not marry this gentleman
if you feel that you're settling for less.
Allah knows best.
Wassalam.