Caught Husband to be chatting with girl on MSN
salam everyone!
I am so devasted, stressed, angry u name it I feel it :(...I am in a long distance relationship with my fiance ( we have our nikah done, so legally married). We have been together for a bout 2 years and getting married this september. A few months ago I went in to his facebook account and he messaged a friend from his town whom he knew and said hes been meaning to talk to her, but "you know", so can we be in touch via MSN/. Everyone, that "you know" meant he is engaged etc but... anyways, I ignored it.
Then a week later he changed his password and added this muslim girl on MSN, I've seen her profile. I had a feeling in my heart he was having a conversation with her. I somehow got his email password and found a history of chat log between him and this girl. I couldn't breathe, I was shaking I couldn't believe my eyes. :(:( The man that tells me he loves me etc and talks about things he can only talk islamically to his wife he said the same things to this random girl!?!?
She sent him photos of her and she apparently loved the compliments my fiance was giving her. What killed me the most is that he talked to her the same way he talks to me :(:( It was all via chat and maybe a few phone calls but she was playing hard to get and told him "I can't put you in my heart since you have someone else in ur heart" THAT GIRL KNEW HE WAS MARRIED TO ME 🙁 but she still went along astaghfurallahhhhh....and so did he thats the worst part......ughhhhh
Anyways, I called him crying, talked and talked- not directly about the fact I read the email - but in a way I said someone is saying that you are talking to this girl and she's saying you like her but that person is confused because "arent you and him a couple ??" in that way 😉 the he said ummm, shes just a friend he said her name etc and yes I have her on MSN but just HI and bye. He lied right there. The next day I found he had deactivated FB and deleted her off MSN. By the way when I was crying histircally he started to choke up too, he said it kills him if a tear went down my cheek etc and he loves me and I'm his world bla bla.
I let a day go by and when we talked the next day, I told him I am not satisfied by this answer. He was stunned, he said beleive me theres nothing, don't believe anything those people say to you they are just trying to ruin our relationship. Then I had it I had to break it to him so I re-emailed some snapshots of 2 messages and told him, "explain now" is that u or an imposter. HE STARTED TO CRY AND SAY ASTAGFURALLAH ETC, and I cried and told him he broke my heart etc and I am so hurt bla bla bla. I made him feel as though I was gonna leave him
(I truly felt like this in beginning because I was cheated) I kept telling him that I can't believe our 2 year relationship would be over because of something stupid he did for a few weeks!!!
He said he would never let anything ruin what we have. He begged for my forgiveness and made tawbha to ALLAH first and foremost. I told him I could forgive but its gonna be hard to forget and so hard to trust again. I felt like from his crying, his plea for forgiveness that it was a true mistake and he probably did it out of boredom or I dont know why 🙁 I decided to forgive him amd now we are talking normally but inside of me theres that lack of trust and I keep going in his email to check in case. Should I bring up the topic again and remind him if he ever does it "I will leave him" or what should I do? I love him and he is so in love with me, but maybe the distance and us not seeing each other for 7 months instigated it.
I feel broken inside, but try to act normal with him on phone, skype etc.....what should I do dear brothers and sisters....help,
Jazaaks 🙂
-Muslimah1985
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Salamu'alaikum sister,
You have understood it right. What instigated it is the distance. You should always try to be together, to avoid such fitan. Further to this, when this has happened, let us discuss what has to be done.
Your husband loves you, even though you feel he acts. Now that you say he had deactivated his facebook account and has deleted the girl off msn, This proves he is serious. You do not have to have any wrong feeling in your heart, because such things do happen in life when the Shaitaan shows the fantacies of life, in order to lead the slaves of Allah astray. He is a Human Being and not free from sins. Even you might have commited some sins in life. Even you might have hurt someone.
Allah has given you what he hasn't given the men. A woman can make a home Bliss. When the distance has instigated the straying of your husband, you can bring him back by doing whatever you can. Share as much love as you can between yourselves.
Forgive him, so that Allah forgives your sins. If a person commits shirk and then repents to Allah, then Allah forgives him. Forgive your husband and insha Allah, he will remain loyal to you.
May Allah increase the love between you
Aameen
Wassalamu'alaikum
Muhammad Waseem
I am sorry about your pain
I certainly would not be the forgiving type to ignore or forgive husband distance or no distance im sorry. This man is a dog and a cheater can you convince yourself he wont do this again. If a woman did this the man would leave without hearing her out FACT. What alarms me the most is that he actually was chatting to a girl over facebook and she didn't have a problem chatting to him regardless he was married. If that was me one i block him and secondly tell him where to go what woman would do such an disgusting thing including a heartless man knowing he is married. If he loved you he wouldn't have done this i am sorry for being harsh but thats how i feel.
You got two options and you know what they are either stay with him and build trust with blissful marriage or leave him, but ask yourself clearly what you want can you forgive him and learn to love him and these doubts will have to be dealt with even though it was your husband who created the mess in the first place not you.
I wish you the best take care.
Salam sister
Long distance marriage needs more efforts to do. The most crucial thing is about a trust. Actually when it is about a trust, it comes to personal behavior. No matter how, where, when, if he is a loyal and trusted person, he will be. Moreover as a Muslim, he will always make Allah as a witness for everything he does.
Believe me I know what you feel. It is not easy to deal with the split mind between trust him or not after what he did. but you know him well and if you give him a chance means you believe he will be a good man after. There is always a second chance right? Pls try to calm down and think positively that he will not do it again. Do more zikir by heart so you will be close to Allah than thinking what he is doing now, is he chatting again with her and bla..bla..bla. Pls stop keep questioning him about that..because it just makes him feel blamed all the time. If he really does Tawbah, he will prove it by his behaviour, and if he pretends, he will lie to cover his fault anyway. For now, hold his promise and pls try to show indirectly by your words that you respect him as Imam in family and you want him to be a good leader in family.
When I let him go forever, that's because he didn't use the second chance well and also for some reasons related to his Muslim identity. What happened after that? he left that woman. If your husband doesn't use the second chance well, just cut him off, because that's his behavior. Don't let him become a liar all his life time covering his affair. But like I said, see first how he uses the second chance you give.
May Allah guide us always. amin
Man and women are a seperate being ,, women are more emotional then man . so what if the same thing would have done by a women an understanding man would have surely listen to the facts and MOST IMPORTANT ITS HARAM TO LIVE AWAY FROM EACH OTHER FOR MORE THAN 6 MONTHS.. YOU ARE LEGALLY WED . IF YOU CANT CONTROL and break the barriers and make love to each other its not haram as u both are married but due to family things bla bla you both are seperated so BLAME THE DISTANCE FIRST WHICH ISHARAM
SECONDLY he asks forgiveness and he deserves it even allah ask to give the repentant a chance ? so who are we not to forgive him ?