She’s cheating on me, but promised to stop
I am really committed to a girl. We had sex, but she is having contact with some other boys also- I mean love affairs. I caught it, but now she is saying she has stopped all those and loves me only. Yet she is keeping distance from me also. What should I do now?
-Rasheed
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Salaams,
The sin and issue here is not what she is doing with other boys. You are having sex with her outside of marriage, and the relationship itself is haraam. Can you really trust someone who sins WITH you not to sin AGAINST you?
The right solution to your situation is for YOU to make tawbah, break off this illicit relationship, and get your iman back on track. Once you've gotten your deen together, you can pursue marriage with a decent lady the appropriate way- through her family.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Every person has their own nature, what can anyone do.
We are all born out of sex, so sex is natural. What is however unnatural is to give huge importance to sex and more importantly to make sex a mere pleasure object. Sex is meant for giving birth to beautiful children and not just enjoyment.
Because sex is primarily meant for having children, the role of the woman is greater than a role of a man. The mother is the most important part of society.
While man and woman are equal, they are not equal in every responsibility. In some cases the man is more responsible like security of the house. In other cases the woman is more responsible like children.
In clear words, an unfaithful woman is more dangerous than a unfaithful man - there is a difference of degree here
The fact that you are unable to break the relationship although you know she is unfaithful reveals that you are attached to having an illicit relationship with her.
Thus the wrong also to think she is only at fault. If you did not have wrong intentions with her you would have already have broken this relationship and not suffered like this
Assalaamualaikam
Regardless of whether the girl is having contact with other boys, you should not be involved in a pre-marital relationship with her. If you genuinely like her and consider her to be pious and of good character, you have the option to consider whether you wish to propose marriage to her - but you should not be involved in private contact with a non-mahram.
The two of you should (separately!) repent for your transgressions and resolve not to repeat them. If you wish to marry her, then take steps to do so in an Islamic way. But if you don't want marriage, then respect yourself (and her) enough to walk away from zina.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor