Colorblind love – MUST he convert?
Color blind
I'm a Muslim girl who is going out with a Black-Jamaican Christian boy.
Is it wrong if he doesn't want to convert? We both love each other but he is not willing to convert. It's because he won't be able to stick to it and he doesn't want to go to Hell for converting and not sticking to the Islam religion.
This boy is pure of heart and a very, very smart person. He said he would go to the mosque with my dad and live in the Muslim culture but won't be able to covert to Islam.
My parents don't mind about the colour of his skin but would prefer if he converted; but I haven't told my parents obviously!! I just bought it up in a conversation which I said, "what would you do if I married a black person?" and my dad replied with, "if they converted then there is no problem".
This isn't something I'm really worrying about because its very early days in the relationship.
- Jasmeen
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Sister,
You may not worry about it, but think about your future now. You cant date someone and say - yah he will convert one day. No, please sister, dont be foolosh enough to believe that you can change any man because he "loves you". What if he never converts?
Do not even enter a relationship with the fellow if you dont think you are compatible on spiritual matters. Trust me sister, love will not carry you through a marriage. This is not a joke to enter into a relationship and imagine that it will work out based on he has a good heart.
If he does not convert or converts as an act for your parents how will you then cope with everyday life?
Will he fast with you? Will he pray with you? Will he encourage you to be a good Muslim when you are struggling? will he eat halal with you?
Will you raise your kids to be christian or Muslim? Will their father drink infront of them and eat pork? If he gets religious and wants the kids to go to church what are you going to say to him? What if he wants you to go to church with him?
Sister, love/Lust is good for the moment- but think about your future for this life and the hereafter. You dont want to collect sins and date this young man- no matter how nice he is. There are many nice and good hearted muslim men out there who are just as eligable for marriage.
when you give up something for Allah, you will be given something much much better after.
I know its hard sister, but be careful and know that all your deeds are being recorded and dating and being alone with a non-mahram is not something that is looked well upon in Islam.
All the best in your decision, and may Allah make things easy for you sister.
Salaams,
For you, as a Muslim female, a marriage to anyone other than another Muslim is not even valid or recognized. It is essentially living in zina.
There is no "going out" in Islam. When it comes to relationships, you are either moving toward marriage (ie: engaged) or you are not talking to the other gender at all. You need to break off this relationship since it has no future for you.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
May I ask, what was wrong with my comment so I can improve in the future?
The goal on this website is not simply to slap people across the face with raw truth, but to advise them in a way that's actually helpful. We need to function within the real world, and offer real-world advice that actually helps people.
I don't know if I can help you improve, because your modus operandi is to judge, and to use your judgment as a whip. The problem with that is that rather than help people, it shuts them down and drives them away.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Ok, jazzakAllahu khair.
Edit: Anyways, I thought I was just helping solve the problem which others didn't address because the problem with this boy is that he doesn't want to go to hell. Maybe he didn't know it's the other way around. Also, I knew everyone else would give the comprehensive good advise that was needed to the girl so I thought my two cents was filling the hole in the donut(or whatever expression.)
Assalaamualaikam
As Muslim women, it isn't permissible for us to marry non-Muslim men. There are many reasons why this is the case, including to protect us and our future children from discrimination, domestic abuse and straying from the straight path. Even (especially!) if Islamic teachings tell us we should not do something that we might otherwise like to do, we need to accept that the teachings of our faith have been granted to us by Allah, and protect us. Allah is the best planner - so we need to trust in His guidance, especially in situations where our nafs might otherwise lead us astray.
A few of the things you mention make me think that this boy might want to accept Islam - but this would need to be on his own, from the heart. You mention he doesn't feel he would be able to stick to Islam, but that he would be willing to attend mosque and live in an Islamic culture; if by this he means he would worry about not being able to "get it right 100%", he can be reassured that intention and genuine belief is all he really needs to start on his journey in Islam, and that the rest can come with time and study.
One approach to your situation would be to discuss with this boy the importance of Islam in your life, and that if he wished to continue in a relationship with you it would have to be within the limits of Islam. You could ask him to read the Quran and read about the life of our Beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), and to reflect on how he feels about this in relation with Christian texts. If he wishes to then accept Islam, he can - for his own sake, not for marriage - and can approach your family with a proposal. In the meantime, however, it isn't really in your interests to be in a prohibited relationship with someone who may or may not convert - the longer people stay in these situations, the more emotionally charged things become and people can lose perspective. I would advise that you step back from this boy; you don't need to be harsh or cruel, but you do need to prioritise your own spiritual and physical wellbeing.
Remember that Allah has plans for us all, and what is written for us is what will be best for our souls. Whatever someone gives up for the sake of Allah, they are rewarded with even more.
May Allah keep your eman strong and protect you from harm.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
AS Sister there are lots of good people in this world non-Muslim and Muslim. The Prophet's own wife Saffiya was Jewish when she intiially married him. But the values of one person and the values they want to give to their children is something one should respect. Your kids deserve an Islamic environment and I seriously doubt that if either spouse is non-Muslim (there is plenty of data to back this up even moreso when the mother is Muslim). I think your parents are right in they are not judging him for his race but his religion...they worked hard for and appreciate the values of their faith and they want to see, naturally, their kids have all the benefits of their life without the labor. I know atheists who would be sad if their kids married someoen less than a post bacc degree...it's only natural that people want to see their values set from generation to generation and I think your parents aren't being uncompromising here. Put yourself in their position as you will be a mother one day
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
"The Prophet's own wife Saffiya was Jewish when she intiially married him. "
No brother/sister... I don't believe that is the case. She was captured by the Muslims and became a Muslim and then was married by the Prophet sallahualayhiwasalam.
The above is fact.do istikharah prayers before deciding on marriage/relationship with anybody.allah will guide u inshallah.it has always worked for me.
Istikhara can only be performed for deciding between two halaal choices. And a non muslim man is NOT a halaal marriage option for a muslim woman. It is haraam.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor