Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I think I might be married to two men

law fiqh marriage divorce

Laws of Marriage and Divorce in Islam

salaam alaikum everyone,

I am very reluctant on asking this question because i honestly don't know what I will do i find out the answer. I almost don't want to know but its time to free myself it might be that i have nothing to worry about.

Ok so May Allah forgive me and have mercy on me, couple months ago i went to another state where my BF (Ex-Bf now) resides I went there because he was begging me to visit him and for some stupid reason he got into my head and I went without telling my parents, I thought i would come back in time so they wouldn't notice I left, but my so called BF tricked me, he told me he got a go and back ticket but he lied, his plan was to get me there and make it look like I ran away so my parents would make me marry him as that's whats done in our culture.

I only realized he tricked me when I got there and he didn't have a return ticket for me.

I panicked called lots of friends to see if they can pay for my flight but no one was there to help so my parents found out and of course they thought I intentionally ran away. my Bf's  people contacted my parents to say that I was safe and was with them my parents said that I shouldn't return to them I should just get married with the man I ran away with I cried and cried because I no longer wanted a man who betrayed me.

So this was the deal, my father told me Bf's uncle (as he was his wali) to send my father 4,000 dollars (not mihr, just cultural stuff) and then they can do my nikkah over the phone with my father. they agreed but that same night before they sent the money they decided to do the niikah without notifying my father because they didn't want us to commit zina and didn't want us to stay unmarried any longer. In the morning they told my father they did the nikkah already and my father said that nikkah isn't valid because he didn't consent it so they have to do another one after they send him the money.

So they sent the money and did the nikkah but my father wasn't on the phone. they called him but he didn't answer so they did it without him. He called and asked how everything was going they said they redid the nikkah he said that niikah isn't valid  I would like for it to be done here (where my parents live) my Bf's people said its too far we cannot come there just give us ur permission to do the niikah thru the phone he said no and hung up. and they didn't talk for a week leaving me confused i didn't know if he was my husband or not, he kept saying i was his wife and the nikkah is valid because the deal with my father was they send the money and he will consent to the marriage but they sent the money and he demanded the nikkah be done at his house.

I surrendered and accepted my faith although I didn't want to be with him I lived with him. after a while I couldn't handle being with him I wanted to get closer to Allah and be practicing while he was careless of his sins I couldn't be with someone like that so I contacted my mom ask asked her to forgive me and that I wanted to come back home thankfully she said ok so I went back to my parents.

after I left him I talked on the phone with him for about a month then I cut him off for good, I was only in contact with him because I wasn't getting my period and I feared I might be pregnant but after I found out I wasn't I had no need for him. last we talked was April.

On august 11th 2013 I god married to a wonderful brother alhumdulilah.  now my heart cant rest every day I ask myself if that niikah with my ex-BF was valid and if so is my new nikkah with my husband valid? I don't know what to do please make that clear for me.

Thank you for your time,

Searching4Peace


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4 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMLIKUM-
    The Nikaah is valid if all the conditions of a valid Nikaah are met.
    1]1ST STEP YOUR CONCENT WAS NOT THERE-
    THE BOY DECIEVED YOU TRAPPED YOU IN TO COMING TO HIS PLACE AND MADE THE SITUATION WHICH MADE YOU STAY BACK FORECFULLY AND PROGRAMMED SOMETHING YOU DIDNT ACCEPT-

    2]LEAVE ALONE YR B/F&FATHER EVEN YOUR OWN FATHER CANT FORCE YOU TO MARRY-
    "A girl came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and informed him that her father had married her to her cousin against her wishes, whereupon the Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice.

    3]Guardian – A nikah is not valid without the consent of a male guardian, or wallee. This is usually the woman’s father, or it can be any male mahram. If no wallee can be found, the imam can act on the woman’s behalf.

    4]Two witnesses – Two trustworthy witnesses, generally males, must attest to the nikah. Some Muslim societies require two witnesses each from the groom and bride’s sides in addition to two unrelated witnesses, making six in all.

    5]What is required is for the wallee to give away the bride in front of two witnesses, and afterwards, the bride’s agreement is sought.

    6]To be valid, a marriage has to meet certain requirements such as ishhar (announcement), the payment of the mahr (dower), the consent of both parties, the permission of the wali (woman's guardian), and the presence of witnesses.

    7]The minimum conditions for the validity of nikah are the following:
    The consent of the guardian of the woman
    presence of witnesses
    offering and acceptance and mahr (dower).
    As far as the consent of guardian is concerned, it can only be dispensed with if the guardian is simply refusing to give consent for considerations other than Islamic, in which case the judge can authorize the marriage after having followed the due process. If, on the other hand, such is not the case and no attempt was made to ascertain the consent of the guardian, then such a marriage would be considered invalid and, therefore, unacceptable in Islam. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "There is no (valid) marriage without a guardian and two reliable witnesses."
    YOUR 1ST FORCED NIKKAH WS IN VALID AND WHAT ALL HAPPENED IS JUST A DRAMA WHICH WAS NOT ISLAMIC NEITHER ACCEPTED BY ALLAH AND AS PER THE RULES OF NIKAH IN SHARIAH-
    Society has a share in marriage in the sense that people should know that both of you are married so that they do not suspect you of maintaining an illicit relationship. According to the teachings of Islam, we are under obligation to do whatever we can to safeguard our religion, honor, and dignity; and as such we should stay away not only from that which is considered as strictly haram or forbidden but also from all that is doubtful and dubious. The Prophet (peace and blessings be him) said, "Whosoever shuns what is doubtful he has protected his religion and honor; but whosoever commits what is doubtful, he may inadvertently fall into haram!"

    SO YOUR SECOND NIKAH IS VALID BECAUSE YR CONSENT AND YOUR FATHER[WALIS]CONSENT WAS THERE-

    PLEASE USE WONDERTFUL MUSLIM[MOMIN]WHEN MARRIAGE IS MENTIONED -
    On august 11th 2013 I god[GOT] married to a wonderful brother alhumdulilah.

    HOPE THE MATTER IS CLEAR NOW TO YOU ....

  2. u can share ur feelings with us sis, but regarding such questions, its best to actually ask a scholar, rather us, in sha Allaah, because we are common people, just like urself sis... sis i strongly recommend u to send ur question to http://islamqa.info/en or ask ask another scholar tht u know of, in sha Allaah

  3. Does your husband know that you were sexually involved and went thru this Nikah thing with the other guy?
    Does your EX and his family know that you got married with someone? If you ask 5 scholars, they may all give a different advice. Is your dad suppose to return $4000? Just enjoy your married life.

  4. @ searching for peace..

    Though I am not a scholar, from my basic understandings regarding islamic laws for nikkah, such a nikkah doesnt seem to be valid. As suggested by 'sis' , I would also suggest to get advice from different scholars regarding the same. I would also suggest not to seek advise of scholars from near by places or whom your family knows personally as this matter can affect your reputation and dignity.

    As you should be knowing, Islam doesnt permit polygamy for women, the validity of your nikah (marriage on aug 11) would be depending on the validity of the nikah done by ur Ex. I personally feel your parents should have taken care of this issue before your marriage.

    More over, were you not doubtful of comiting zina when you were doubtful that the nikah was void ? (I don't mean to hurt you, Just asking because my cousin sis faced a similar situation but her father was forced to agree for nikah, may be to avoid haram initmacy. ) If the nikah by ur EX is void it will turn out that you had commited zina unless done forcibly.

    What is your husband's stand on this. Does he know your story?

    May Allah help you.. and really sorry to hear this.

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