Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Do I divorce him or not?

Divorce, couple divorcing, breaking up

Assalamualaikum.. I want to ask advice, I'm a married woman with 4 kids, my marriage life wasn't much happy. I meet my husband for 2 months and got married everything was quick for both of us. I never been happy with but bcoz he is a good man I try to be patience. But years past and he is still jobless. I don't have choice than to work abroad. Being away from him, I feel like I'm free. I wanted to divorce him but at the same time I don't want to hurt him and my kids. I had a past relationship here in abroad, what should I do?

losinghope

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2 Responses »

  1. Asalaam Walaikum Sister.

    I hope I do not offend you - thats not my intention here at all.

    The problem isn't your husband is jobless its more of the fact you are thinking about this past relationship - thats how I see it.

    You say you want to divorce him but don't want to hurt him or the kids; maybe thats because obviously deep down you do love him and care for him as like you say he is a good man ... Maybe if you could change your midset and look at it in a way that for staying together you are getting rewarded dearly. Speak to your husband and open your heart out about how you feel about him not working ... Give him an ultimatum maybe but I think you should definitely try as these days theres lots of trials in the Ummah and more marriages than ever before are failing. May Allah SWT protect all my Brothers and Sistsers in Marriage ... Ameen.

    Obviously your happiness is important no doubt, so if you are really unhappy then the decision is yours entirely ofcourse but I feel that your mind (due to Waswasas from shaytaan) you are dreaming of a happier lifestyle with the past relationship.

    You should try to read Qur'an, pray Salah or even watch Islamic lectures together; this will help yous bond and theres no better way to bond than remembering Allah together. May Allah make it easy on you and increase the love between yous both ... Ameen.

  2. Dear sister,

    You need to be where your family is - Your husband and kids. I understand you will face financial difficulties if you don't work but being close to your family is more important.

    Go back home. Do any other job. There are lots of jobs out there. If nothing, your husband could do uber, mini Cab. If he can't drive he can do office cleaning job. And you could takecare of the kids. Or both of you work and split household chorus fairly and spend time with your kids.

    Day by day your kids are growing. You and your husband need to be there for them. They need love, attention and nurturing. Your kids needs proper education, I don't just mean academic schooling but crucial family education.

    Quite your job in aboard and return home. Make NO mention of your mistake/past to your husband.

    Start to know your husband. His likes and dislikes. Understand him as a person. Understand him as a friend. Give time to your husband, and in Shaa Allah you may feel love towards your husband.

    Repent to Allah swt. And gradually raise a good Muslim family, in Shaa Allah xxx

    Takecare of yourself and your precious family.

    - Me

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