Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Even after 5 years, I haven’t met but I still love him dearly.

salam
im a young girl in my 20s, i met this man/guy in my late teens.
i would rather say that he made me fall in love with him. i was simple and reserved.
he chased me alot and i was studying for my uni admissions, so he was there too.
i can not tell u how but i fell in love with him too, he had a dark past but he told me each nd every truth about his life, every bad thing.
and i was so deeply in love with him that i said to him i worship you
and he told me he worhsipped me too
but then out study period ended and our relationship dissolved too
it was on rocky terms before that too because every time i tried to end that relationship (i knew it was haram) he wud end it too but since we met everyday it began again.
but then i went into nervous breakdown, i got into the best university of the country
nd he cudnt make there
nd i was in shock nd i still love him so much
i was deeply ashamed on my sins i cried to Allah to call me to his house
nd 2 years later i went to holy kabah there i prayed for him so so so much more than myself
in masjid e nabwi i gave his salam to Nabi and asked Nabi to ask Allah to bless me nd him too
and eversince then i am in love with him, i havent met him, i get bipolar mania attacks so just teh i talk to him nd i have no idea wat i say cuz i m not in my senses but thats the only i talk like twice in 2 years something rubbish which i regret later when i get normal by taking medicines
i know i know this is haram this is wrong this is shaytaan but i love him to the extent that if Allah had not removed him from my site i would have prostrated him. i would have done sajdah to him.
he is my god. hes like my Allah. he is not Allah but he is like Allah
i think he is perfect even thou he is so bad, himself calls a hell boy, but i feel like hes my one.
hes the one i can spend my for ever. he would say to me Go to Hell nd i always said Never alone.
i refused a proposal from us for this guy. he doesnt even know now. hes one year younger than me in terms of profession but 3 years elder to me in age.
what is this? why am i still connected to him emotionally? is this my azmaish, is this a test?
i wanted to do hajj with him but allah called me before that alhamdulillah i do naqaab now i do pardah now
but i love him in a way no one else can. he was a sinner. he was i think the greatest sinner on earth nd im just his 2nd last sinner. like hes the last. but i cant leave him or stop thinking about him. i need him i want him. please tell me wat is this. is this magic?? cuz i pray 5 times daily. i started praying when i was not even menstruating. i coevered my head all the time i matured and now i do parda. i think i was nek before. now im just rude nd hurt nd angry nd really bad tempered. i cry most of the time then i curse. sometimes i cut myself because this pain is so much to bear, may Allah forgive me i have tried suicide several times too. this year is my last nd then ill get a degree but i cant marry anybody else. i swore to him that my virginity is his only after marriage, i will only give my virginity to him after being his wife. help me please let me sort out all this mess in my head

Nadia


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , ,

5 Responses »

  1. If you haven’t met him and haven’t see him so pls don't trust him and don't marry with him. Let decide you parents about marriage. ALLAH will give you good husband

  2. Sister that shirk. There is no one worthy of being worahipped but Allah. He cannot even create a fly. He was just a drop of dirty water(semen) in the past and will become dust in the future. (In his grave) You will suffer untill you surrender to Allah.

    "Whoever loves or worships anything more than Allah. Allah will make him dependent on that thing and he will be betrayed by it."

    Are you really this sumb to compare Allah with anything else?

    Please Stop! You are ruining your life here and the next.

  3. Assalaamualaykum Nadia,

    I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering. You say:

    "He had a dark past but he told me each nd every truth about his life, every bad thing."

    and

    "I love him in a way no one else can. he was a sinner. he was i think the greatest sinner on earth..."

    Guys who tell you every bad thing in their arsenal are usually warning you and preying on your "I'll save you" mentality. Some of this type even prey on certain girls' sensitivity and god forbid their illness, which makes them more emotional and vulnerable as in your case. I would take heed if I were you! Please don't feel like he is your only option or that you are his only option. Try to get through you studies at University and give yourself as much space from him as possible to really connect with yourself and your self-esteem again. Also, please take Warglaives' advice above on how some of your mindset towards this guy is bordering on Shirk...you want to know that you always have Allah as your truest protector.

    May Allah help you through this and give you clarity.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  4. "and i was so deeply in love with him that i said to him i worship you
    and he told me he worshiped me too"

    "he is my god. hes like my Allah. he is not Allah but he is like Allah"

    Sister, you are bordering on Shirk!

    You seem to be extremely obsessed with him. My advice to you is to get professional help and learn to detach from him. You also need to attach yourself to Allah, and realize the harsh truth that you may not marry the person you love no matter how much you pray.

  5. assalaamu alaykum sister

    I think your Excessive love for this guy may be related to your Bipolar condition. Tell me, when you take your medication are you then Equally Obsessive about him? Does it get Stronger when you're on a High, or does it peak when you're on a Low phase?

Leave a Response