Heart and trust are broken!
Broken trust?
I was dating this guy for 2 years. We were in love and he wanted to marry me, but he had a money problem so we couldn't get married. He used to chat with other girls and tell people that he doesn't have a girlfriend. He cheated on me, but he never admits it even though I have caught him many times.
So I broke up with him, and it's been 1 month. There is this other guy I met and he wants to marry me next year. He is faithful to me, but I'm afraid that if he breaks my heart in the end I won't know what I'm going to do :(.
My ex boyfriend called and me I cried to him that I love him a lot, and he told me he never cheated on me and that he loves me too, but he is really fahassh. He wants many girls, but he loves me and I love him too but I can't forget what he did. He cheated and never cared about me, and I was crying all the time.
I called him 1 month back and got back with him, but I'm confused now, should I marry him after he cheated on me many times, and wait for him to finish his loan? Or should I get married to this new guy who cares about me a lot and is always calling me saying to me that he loves me and wants to get married maybe by the end of this year? What should I do! I'm so stressed! I even helped him with money so we could get married, and I made out with him. I did wrong things and I'm really guilty. I want Allah to forgive me! My ex boyfriend hurt me a lot and ignored my calls. I used to think he was just stressed, and all this is so confusing!
-Sakeena
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I would say, don't get married to either one of them.
You sound very confused and like you're rushing into it marriage..Trust me, decisions concerning marriage partners should not be rushed...and contemplating marrying someone who cheated on you.....well that's just very obviously not a good idea at all. You don't want to get married and then a month down the line be in a situation where you might be considering divorce.
I don't know how old you are..you sound quite young and naïve...Be strong. respect yourself. You can do better.
With regards to the other guy...who you say you made out with...I find that confusing because you didn't really explain it.....don't go from one guy to another..Have more respect for yourself...if you don't care or respect yourself...no man will either.
Take your time
Learn your religion
Think hard before you take any big step.
Assalamualaikum sister , please consult ur elders at home first before tking decission , beware shytan is alwys playing game to mislead us , nd meeting or calling or contacting ghair mahraam is harram so pls do not get into it but rather tell them if they are intrested to marry u then let them approach ur wali , u will get to knw who is true person and do no cm into words like they will marry next year or any other reason like loan plss u will get into big trouble latr on so stay away and tel them to spproach ur parents and get marriage proposal and make it halal
jazakallah khair
Salaam sister.
I have never posted a comment on this site as i am still new to it. But here it goes... I understand your situation as i have been through one similar in my past.
I believe the one that cheated on you does not deserve you. If he cheated once he can do it again. I believe to be with someone that loves you not who you love as for the one that loves you, your love will eventually grow anyway in shaa Allah.
My ex cheated on me too, we were together for six years and I done a lot for him too. But i don't let it get to me anymore as i have learnt from my mistake in life and have now after many struggles and time wasting i have found someone else who I have only been with for half a year and he is a great person. Treats me like a princess and respects me soooo much and is the total opposite to my ex. We love each other very much and hope to marry within the next year and a half in shaa Allah and Alhamdulillah to Allah.. He loved me but I did not feel anything at the start as I was lost in hurt because of my ex even though we broke up a year ago. So his kindness eventually won my heart. It takes time to overcome cheat and betrayal intact it takes for a everything. My ex still tries to get back and apologise but I have no trust or love for him anymore. There was a stupid time where I would think I can not live without him but hey time is the biggest healer. I try to pray to Allah SWT all the time and it has helped me alot and given me inner peace and motivation and strength towards my future. I also performed istikhara to know if my future husband to be is the right one for me to marry and Alhamdulillah in my dream I saw clearly he is the one. So sister if you are still confused take the help of Allah by praying your heart out and letting Allah deal with it all. Or perform istikhara you will surely get signs from the almighty in shaa Allah.
If you need to ask any questions.. I will be more than happy to answer.
All the best
(Comment removed by Editor)
Assalam Walikoum,
I honestly don't think judging this sister is appropriate. It's our obligation as Muslims to lead others without any judgment and questioning her faith. This sister just seems to be caught up with the Shaytann's work, which honestly most Muslims do, it's life and Allah would rather have people sin then repent then pretend to be perfect.
Now to answer the sister, I think you should try you best to cut yourself off from these men and turn towards Allah. I assure you sister that you will begin to feel joy and hope for your future. Not quite sure how old you are but just know that no man is worth compromising your deen for. Allah has established your husband at birth, just pray and ask Allah to help you with completing your deen. The shaytan has a way of pushing people into thinking that Haram relationships are nothing and little by little these sins can become bigger ; so just trust in Allah, get closer to Him and you will be happier inshallah.
Don't forget, most likely if this 'boy' cheated on you he can do it again. Start fresh with a real man, who knows the value of a woman in Islam. You don't want to marry with a black cloud following you the entire time. Inshallah you will find what you're looking for. Pray, stay close to the deen and I assure you Allah does not forget his believers.
Salam
I never had a girlfriend and I am a grown man, how come I never got caught up in shaytan's act? These are just excuses we use to justify our bad acts. You do get judged according to what you do. She did something haram so I can't say that she is a pious muslimah because as of now she is not. However, I do recommend her to find a man the islamic way and turn to islam and please don't lie to him about your past.
Every individual is different, your comment came of very judgmental and you cannot tell another Muslim person they are non believers. If you cannot give others advice, with no judgment then do not say anything at all . This sister is going through a tough time, she needs advice. Whatever she has done is between her and Allah, not for you, myself or anyone else to jump on and criticize.
You just sound judging and rude. No one has a right to judge anyone except Allah (SWT.)
Im sure ur no angel either, and were all human we do commit mistakes.
But I will say one thing the way your saying it is absolutely wrong. Even if ur trying make a point across its not going to be made since u just sound so harsh. Even the Prophet (SAW) was never harsh or rude in explaining to others. As muslims we shud def work on this and Im telling myself too and then preach others.
brother why dont u guide them instead of taunting , be humble and let us not hudge her but rather help her out , and maybe she has been bought up in such environment that she dosent knw what is what ? so when allah has given us this job and opportunity let us not hurt her but understand that if we had no knowledge of islam even we wud hve done big sins ,may allah save us plss , nd what she has done is her deeds but she is broken nw we need to support our brothers and sisters and help them learn what is right for them so that next time they will not repeat this . islam is peace and it is spread with humbleness .
jazakallah
OK so I don't know how to say this humbly, but it should be common sense to anyone not to use the name of Allah in haram acts. Having a boyfriend is haram in islam is something that even non muslims know . You would have to be living in a cave not to know that.
Assalaamualaikam
As Muslims, we are also taught the importance of repentance, forgiveness and love for each other. So, when we see a brother or sister who has sinned and who is now asking for help, we should extend a hand to help them back to the straight path. In the Quran, the first two Names of Allah are Most Gracious, Most Merciful. We should strive to keep these values as part of our own approach to life.
Here, a sister has, by her own recognition, made a mistake and found herself lost and confused. It is our duty and privilege to help her as best we can, not to compound her distress through harsh words.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Islamic teaches humility and kindness. If u plan on trying to find a partner plz work on that.
Brother Ahmed, Assalam Aleikum Wr Wb. Ramadan alkarim to you and everyone else. Sometimes we seem so stuck up on ourselves that we forget that humans are to err and because of this err, it leads us to be humble to Allah SWT begging for forgiveness. And Allah SWT loves the voice of his slaves as we cry to Him. So no one is as high and mighty but the majestic lord Allah SWT. So step down your high horse and be kind. If you think you are better than others then just know that even Rasulullah who is a perfect symbol of humanity was very humble. May Allah SWT soften your heart brother, because when we make mistakes and sort help from our brothers and sisters in Islam, we seek support and motivation to get better and to make the right decisions. Not to get criticized by someone who thinks that just because he has never done a haram thing then everyone else should be just as good as he is. Note: I use good in this context because like I said no one is perfect, not even you. By the way, did you know that Allah SWT prefers the cries of His slave who prays for forgiveness than a a slave who believes he is free from errors? That is kibr-arrogance. We are not perfect. Only Allah SWT is.
asalam o alkium dear ... i would like to say you to forget both of those guys and just control your emotions and wait for both of them that who calls you more and still don't give them any responce again wait for them to come to your home with thier parents to your parents with marreige perposal.. then let your parents to decide which thing is right for you.... or you should go for istehara. In Sha Allah ... He will give you signs.. and do according to it. with halal tarika
Plz dnt rush... Something my mom always tells me and it always seems to stick in my head wen Im in situations similar to urs we only have limited capacity of how much we can decide, wen things like that fail leave it Allah, He knows whats best and He has a plan for us all.
May Allah make it easy for u.
Leave the cheater guy
He isn't worth your time they never change. They will always lie and your heart will never be the same because my husband cheated on me and my trusted is broken
. Even though till now he said he never cheated that he is perfect but Allah knows best I won't go I'm his grave and he won't go to mine. So Allah loves
Those who forgive and we
Have a baby togther that's why. At least your not married or have kids by this person you have a way out.