Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to tell my father that I’ve met someone?

Marry someone you think will make you better

Salam. I have a very important question but no one to discuss it with. But before I ask, I would like to explain my situation. I am a 19 year old Arab girl, born and raised in the USA. My father's main job is civil engineering, but he also is an Imam, Alhamdulillah. So as you can imagine, I've been brought up religiously.

Quite a while ago, I met a young man online, he is 21. We are both artists, so we simply met through this common interest. He is a Muslim as well, Alhamdulillah. We started out as friends and eventually, we developed feelings. Now before you judge, we only had innocent conversations and polite chats, nothing exceeding that. But we did discuss life scenarios in relation to if we were married.

In the past, I've had many proposals that my dad turned down because of my age. And I've never had a problem with that. I always thought that getting married at a young age meant that you had nothing better to do with your life. But now I view it much differently.

Once I met this guy, I I turned into a completely different person. I ACTUALLY started praying all five prayers each day, I read the Quran more and I'm even trying to finish it for the first time. My parents have been trying to get me to do this since I was little, but then comes a random person into my life and he made me a much better Muslimah without even trying. I owe it all to him.

Getting to the point, he told me that he has brought me up with his mother and he wants to ask for my hand this summer. I wasn't sure how to feel about this at first, but then I thought about it more. I realized that, even though I haven't noticed it before, he really does bring out the best in me and I would accept without a second thought.

The only catch is that I'm an Arab and he is Afghan. Although he is Middle Eastern, I know my parents will still consider him an "outsider". I'm aware that interracial marriages are accepted in Islam, as long as both are devout Muslims. He is such a polite and devout Muslim, it would be a shame if my parents turned him down because of where he comes from. His entire family knows about me and have already accepted me as their future in-law, if it so shall happen, inshallah.

Finally, my question is, how could I bring up this man to my parents? I have no idea and I'm extremely nervous. It will take every ounce of courage that I could gather. Please help me. I would very much appreciate all your opinions on this subject. Thank you.


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4 Responses »

  1. Salam alaykum sister inshala your problem will be resolved soon but I can't help from noticing that you said you owed your guidance to pray and read Quran all to him. Rather it is Allah (swt) that guides us and revealed to us the Quran and prayer so be thankfully to him for being guided. I fear that you will be considered from among the ungrateful Allah forbid. Salam alaykum.

  2. Hi.

    The way you describe it makes everything look perfect. You met this person on the internet, you have had no background on him, you are at an age where infatuation disguises itself as love very easily. Marriage is much more than love at first sight (chat in this case) and I fear this is turning out to be another one of those online affairs.

    I think what you should do is not approach your parents, rather your elder siblings or elder trusted friends to meet, asses and run a back ground check on him and his family. Once completely satisfied, go ahead with approaching your parents with your siblings/friends support that would actually make things easier Insha'Allah.

    Hope this helps

  3. I personally think you should tell your parents and family. Because they will tell you whats best for you and whether this is the right decision for you. I honestly think YOU SHOULD NOT believe everything he says guys over the internet will say anything and the internet I do not trust at all I have heard a lot of stories its scares me. Family involvement is very important to every decision to take. Do your research on the guys family and the man you want to be with. If he wants you ask him to come to your house and ask your parents and you tell your parents. At least you can do for your parents is be honest and open to them they too want the best for you.

    InshAllah it will be for the best.

  4. Discuss with your mum.....or gt third person to tell ur dad. It would be easier

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